please bash this cover letter

[rookie1010]

My brother is applying for his first job in the pharma industry and is sending a cover letter to a biotech institute. i would appreciate it if you would bash his cover letter.


The Executive Director,
Biotech Institute,
Calgary
Canada


Respected Sir/Madam,
As a forthcoming graduate of the Calgary-Oxford Alliance program in Molecular engineering of Biological and Chemical Systems (MEBCS), it is with great enthusiasm that I seek to interview for the Research officer position (Ref: 1234) at BTI. I know that you require talented people, so let me highlight some key features that I believe make me a strong candidate for the job:
? Quality: I graduated amongst the top 3 people in my Bachelor of Technology Chemical Engineering course and was subsequently awarded a Calgary-Oxford Alliance graduate fellowship to pursue my Master?s studies.
? Interpersonal skills: Various research projects and assignments along with the exposure to new cultures have instilled in me the ability to solve complex problems in large groups.
? Systems knowledge: Working with biological systems that are virtually unpredictable at times has trained me to discern the minutest of events in complex processes which I believe is a big plus in the biomedical sciences in general and bioprocessing in particular.
? Diligence: One of the most important ingredients of success and something I firmly possess.
? Research skills: The various research based projects that I have undertaken have imparted me with the perspectives necessary for carrying out fruitful research work and overcoming typical obstacles associated with such projects. In addition, the experience I gained in the Industrial Immersion with GSK Asia Pacific Pte. Ltd has given me the confidence in approaching real world problems in a practical manner.
The Biomedical industry is a dynamic one filled with challenges in the growing world economy and the Biotech Institute, Canada apart from its world class infrastructure, is making impressive headways in expression engineering and animal cell technology with the development of anti-apoptosis CHO cell lines able to produce therapeutic proteins with increased glycosylation. I am confident I can make a valued addition to the BTI team and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,

 

[imported_LoKe]

That doesn't look like a coverletter to me, but hey, what do I know?

 

[rookie1010]

you mean it does not look like the cover letter for a job?

 

[da loser]

my first question would be if it's a research position, and you're accepted to graduate school. so why aren't you going?

then i'd say the rest of it is fluff. i know it's hard just being in school with no experience, but it's still says fluff to me. i'd concentrate on what happened at Industrial Immersion with GSK Asia Pacific Pte. Ltd and what are the projects and assignments. what are the key insights gained from your experience as to any of those topics you brought up. you say you did, but prove it. how have you expressed these qualities.

"The Biomedical industry is a dynamic one filled with challenges in the growing world economy and the Biotech Institute, Canada apart from its world class infrastructure, is making impressive headways in expression engineering and animal cell technology with the development of anti-apoptosis CHO cell lines able to produce therapeutic proteins with increased glycosylation. "

well that's nice you took the time to research what the company does, but does it mean you know what the challenges are? i'd delete it, unless you have you something to say.

of course, it all depends on who reads it. some people like the bs. i don't work in the biotech industry, so i don't know what they're looking for so take my opinion with a large grain of salt

 

[MartyMcFly3]

Doesnt really look like a cover letter to me. Seems a bit too detailed. You want to be a little more personal.

An example of how to write a Cover Letter according to this site

* Paragraph One: The first paragraph is the most important, so make it jump off the page. Start out by telling how you heard about the job ? friend, employee, newsletter, advertisement, etc. This is especially important if you've been referred by a mutual acquaintance. For example, if a friend recommended that you write someone he knows at a company, don't start with "My friend, John Peterson, told me you have a job opening so I thought I would write." That will not wow anyone. Instead, try something like: "I was thrilled when my friend, John Peterson, told me there was an opening for an assistant photographer at your company." Show a little excitement ... then quickly recite a few key strengths you have that might be needed there.

* Paragraph Two: Here, describe your qualifications for the job ? skills, talents, accomplishments, and personality traits. But don't go overboard. Pick the top three salient talents or characteristics that would make you stand out as a candidate. Your résumé is there to fill in the details. When writing this, think about how you can contribute to this company.

* Paragraph Three: Describe why you think you?d fit into the company ? why it would be a good match. Maybe you like their fast growth or market, know people who already work there, or have always used their products. Companies feel good if the candidate feels some connection to them, even before they are hired.

* Paragraph Four: Mention the enclosed résumé, give them a reason to read it in depth, and ask for an interview. Suggest a time and a way for you to follow up. Also give them ways to contact you easily if they wish.

Good luck. 🙂