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[Isla]

So.

My husband's younger sister is coming to live with us for an undetermined length of time. I can't very well say "No, she can't stay here!" because she's been really emotionally crippled by her mother's mental illness and she's staying here as she tries (again) to have a life of her own outside of being her mother's unofficial mental health aide/handmaiden. This is no exaggeration.

I'll be back in college this fall (working on my MA), I'll be working full time at a job I love but wears me out physically (teaching young children keeps you moving!!!) and of course I will have my own children to care for every day.

My husband has been unhappy for personal reasons and is generally cranky most of the time. He comes home from work and doesn't really want to deal with us, so I have to make sure he can just chill out for a little while (not easy in a house with kids). Getting through each day requires quite a bit of work on my part. I do have a good support system, which includes a few close friends and family members plus a team of mental health counselors my whole family visits regularly.

With my husband's little sister here, there will definitely be extra tension in the air. The boundaries we have set for his family will be tested because SHE hasn't set the same boundaries we have, so it will be interesting to see how everyone reacts to the new set-up. Will my twisted Mother In Law feel like she can take over my house again because 2 of her children are here? Will her other daughter, 'Mother-In-Law Junior', join her in tag-teaming me? Will my husband stand his ground with me when they are being rude and cruel or will he revert to letting them piss all over me and expect me to take it, like he always did? I am going to have to be stronger and saner than I have ever been, and really all I want to do is run screaming from the situation.

So, will I prevail and come out of this with my family intact, or will the stress and pressure turn me into a raving madwoman? The bets are on!

:clock:

 

[Spikesoldier]

wheres the black or red option? :Q

anyway i think you will tough through it just fine, just act like you normally would and remember that you are in charge

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: Spikesoldier
wheres the black or red option? :Q

anyway i think you will tough through it just fine, just act like you normally would and remember that you are in charge

Black or red option? This is my first poll here, so maybe I did something wrong?

And thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying very hard not to be worried about this. My mother in law is a major bully, and it's taken me years to learn to deal with her!

 

[element]

So, will I prevail and come out of this with my family intact, or will the stress and pressure turn me into a raving madwoman? The bets are on!

Haven't you already gone mad? I mean, how did you end up here?

- or -

If this place hasn't made you go mad, nothing will.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: element®

So, will I prevail and come out of this with my family intact, or will the stress and pressure turn me into a raving madwoman? The bets are on!

Haven't you already gone mad? I mean, how did you end up here?

LOL, you've got a point there. This has definitely been a place for me to escape to at times, since bars/clubs are out of the question for me.

 

[pyonir]

You're going to crack like a fault line...

 

[element]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: element®

So, will I prevail and come out of this with my family intact, or will the stress and pressure turn me into a raving madwoman? The bets are on!

Haven't you already gone mad? I mean, how did you end up here?

LOL, you've got a point there. This has definitely been a place for me to escape to at times, since bars/clubs are out of the question for me.

Escape? I thought you were here at ATOT to practice dealing with crazy people.

 

[vi edit]

And thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying very hard not to be worried about this. My mother in law is a major bully, and it's taken me years to learn to deal with her!

I know that it's probably a lot harder to do, than say, but just make it very well known that if she steps foot in YOUR house she plays by YOUR rules.

That goes for both the SIL and MIL. Your home is your home. If she doesn't like the rules, she can just as easily leave.

 

[Zim Hosein]

Isla, you have a huge heart to be taking on the added responsibility w/ your current situation, all I can say is good luck and keep :beer: close at hand

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

you'll do alright, but there will be stress for everyone to enjoy.


How old is this younger sister? Anyways, if lucky, she will be cooperative with you and your rules....you are doing her a favor i presume, she will see it that way too. If she is still young enough to be given an allowance you might make one available, but conditional on a certain number of chores.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

My advice (although I know you did not ask for it) is to make sure everyone knows this is NOT an open ended situation. You will be taken advantage of. If you hadn't so many things on your plate, it would not be so bad, but you have distractions, and I bet you will be dealing with someone with adult intelligence and 5 year old manipulative tendencies. You are going to have to rule the roost with an iron fist, and that is going to wear very thin very soon. Worse, because you are the one left enforcing the rules, you will be the "bad guy". This is a very bad situation Isla. My father's side of the family was extremely conniving, and I expect no less in your situation.

 

[T3C]

 

[Vic]

I have faith in you, Isla.


edit: don't let me down, I got money ridin' on this

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: vi_edit

And thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying very hard not to be worried about this. My mother in law is a major bully, and it's taken me years to learn to deal with her!

I know that it's probably a lot harder to do, than say, but just make it very well known that if she steps foot in YOUR house she plays by YOUR rules.

That goes for both the SIL and MIL. Your home is your home. If she doesn't like the rules, she can just as easily leave.

That will be my mantra in the coming days.

I've told my husband that we are going to have to really stay tight on this, otherwise we will end up taking a huge step backward in our relationship.

Fortunately, we see a counselor once a month, so if it gets sticky I can bring up issues safely at our sessions. I told him that under no circumstances could we stop going to the counselor when her sister is here, because I think having here is going to just bring up more stuff we need to deal with!

<---doesn't want to have to be renamed San Andreas

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: Isla

Originally posted by: vi_edit

And thank you for the vote of confidence. I am trying very hard not to be worried about this. My mother in law is a major bully, and it's taken me years to learn to deal with her!

I know that it's probably a lot harder to do, than say, but just make it very well known that if she steps foot in YOUR house she plays by YOUR rules.

That goes for both the SIL and MIL. Your home is your home. If she doesn't like the rules, she can just as easily leave.

That will be my mantra in the coming days.

I've told my husband that we are going to have to really stay tight on this, otherwise we will end up taking a huge step backward in our relationship.

Fortunately, we see a counselor once a month, so if it gets sticky I can bring up issues safely at our sessions. I told him that under no circumstances could we stop going to the counselor when her sister is here, because I think having here is going to just bring up more stuff we need to deal with!

<---doesn't want to have to be renamed San Andreas

You just referred to your husband as a 'her'. Is there anything else you would like to share? just kidding...hehehe

 

[Adul]

I believe in your strength isla. You'll survive

 

[Isla]

Younger sister is 28. Beautiful woman, never had a relationship, never been kissed, is not a lesbian. Is terrified of getting involved with anyone, ever. Spent her whole life as family peacemaker and keeping her mother company. Very much like a character out of an 18th century romance novel. Nice girl, the only one of his sisters I could live with. He jokes that if it was his other sister, "Mother in Law Junior", he wouldn't let her stay here. The length of her stay hasn't been determined yet, but I think it may be 6 months or longer unless I put an end to it.

Hayabusrider, yup, I've got a sick, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach over this. As you know, when people are mentally sick/controlling/etc, they can do some serious damage to their families. I have to remind myself to breathe just thinking about her and what kinds of manipulative crap she is capable of!

Anyway, this is going to be a HUGE test for us... I'm sure I'll be posting about it from time to time in the coming months! In a way, this will be a safety valve for me.

"On the outside... Smiling at the crazy people in my house... On the inside, screaming bloody murder at ATOT!"

 

[blackdogdeek]

everything i've read that you've posted has helped me draw the conclusion that you are one of the strongest people i know. i believe in your strength and will power.

i know you can do this. good luck.

 

She can come stay with me!

 

[Chaotic42]

Good luck! You'll make it, you seem like a really strong woman.

:heart: