Perhaps the stupidest telemarketer of all time.

[Russ]

Got a call today from overstock.com. Apparently, they're starting up a b2b division.

Her: Hi, blah, blah, can I talk to the person in charge of purchasing?
Me: I don't know anything about that, I'm just the janitor.
Her: Oh, do you know who takes care of that?
Me: William H. Gates, but he's not here right now.
Her: Do you have a number where he can be reached?
Me: Started to give her Microsoft's number, but I couldn't help myself and busted up laughing.
Her: What's so funny?
Me: YOU! Click.

Russ, NCNE

 

[Geekbabe]

<< Got a call today from overstock.com. Apparently, they're starting up a b2b division.

Her: Hi, blah, blah, can I talk to the person in charge of purchasing?
Me: I don't know anything about that, I'm just the janitor.
Her: Oh, do you know who takes care of that?
Me: William H. Gates, but he's not here right now.
Her: Do you have a number where he can be reached?
Me: Started to give her Microsoft's number, but I couldn't help myself and busted up laughing.
Her: What's so funny?
Me: YOU! Click.

Russ, NCNE >>




lol, too funny


btw, has IBM been calling you pushing severs ?

 

[pyonir]

hahahah...thats awesome Russ. if i were a telemarkter....i would dread calling you....

 

[PsychoAndy]

sorry, Russ, but i think i have you beat....

Bellsouth gives me a cold call trying to get me to sign up for DSL. The saga begins:

Me:yo
BS (Bellsouth, not bull....well after hearing their pitch, n/m) telemarketer: uh hello
me: yeah, what do you want?
BS: hi, i'm calling to inform you that bellsouth DSL is now available in your area
me: isnt dsl the service where the distance from the central routing station (or whatever the hell they call it) is inversely related to the service quality? (the service deterriorates as you go farther out and is better when you're close)
BS: No, absoluteley not.
me: really?
BS: yeah, that's cable you're talking about (no pun intended with the bs abbreviation)
me: is that so?
BS: uh huh
me: what are you offering
BS: yes, we're offering 50% off activation and the DSL modem
me: thats nice, but i'll only try out your service if i can get a no cost or obligation trial period
BS: oh well thats what were offering
me: ok, so how's it work
bs: well we charge you 99.95 for installation and 99.95 for the dsl modem, and we credit you 50% back if you dont like it
me: ok, so if I dont like it, and send everything back, i'm still paying the 50%
bs: thats right
me: but how is that no cost? if i try it and dont like it, i'm still paying for it
bs: uh
*slight pause*
bs: well i can guarantee you that DSL is faster than anything you've experienced
me: really?
bs: yes, what internet connections have you used?
me: (now i'm bs-ing) T1, T3, OC93, OC36,OC3 that kind of stuff
bs: you've used a T1?
me: (still bs) yep
bs: what's a T1?
*at this point i'm trying to hold in all my laughter*
me: ah, its just another internet connection
bs: oh, well DSL is much faster than that T1 stuff you speak of
*chucking like mad right about now*
me: ok, so you're telling me that if i want to try your service, without cost or obligation, it's gonna cost me $100
bs: uh yeah
me: so doesnt that defeat the "no cost" portion of our conversation?
bs: uh....yeah
me: ok, i'll let you know
bs: dont you want to have a service faster than dial up?
me: yeah, sure i do
bs: so why dont you want to get in on this new program
me: i've already got cable

 

[Lithium381]

telemarketers suck, but they are fun when you're in a good/pissed off mood, some are amazingly unknowlagable about what they are selling, "uh uh" yeah, shut up bye

 

[GermyBoy]

Once I hung up on a telemarketer because I was annoyed. He then called me back immediately, asking if I could get off of my cordless because it accidentally disconnected us, and he had a great offer. Some choice words were said, and he didn't call back again. I just wish I was like Ghost Dad, I could reach through the phone and strangle those damn callers.

 

[djheater]

I work 10-15 hours a day. I do not under any circumstances talk to anyone on the phone I do not explicitly want to. I brook no telemarketers. They are rude uninvited guests. I hang up as soon as I hear the silence of a computer or the noise of a call center.

Not answering the telephone has become a point of pride for me. It seems people are conditioned to drop whatever they are doing and answer the phone... people answer the phone during dinner..... while playing with their children.... while talking to their spouse.... those things are far more important to me than submitting to a hard sell..... I am teaching my daughters that there are often things that are more important than answering the phone.

 

[Doggiedog]

I had a bad one yesterday.

They said "Hello Mrs. M. This is xxx from MBNA."

I said "What? Do I sound like a woman to you?" (I have a deep voice no way you can mistake me for a woman)

They said "Oh sorry!"

Click!

 

[yakko]

I usually try to have fun with the telemarketers.

 

[PsychoAndy]

my favorite line to use on a telemarketer:

ARE YOU THE STOCKBROKER HAVING THE AFFAIR WITH MY WIFE!?!

if its a woman:

ARE YOU THE LESBIAN STOCKBROKER HAVING THE AFFAIR WITH MY WIFE!?!

 

[Balt]

You guys should try listening to Tom Mabe's "Revenge on the Telemarketers"

Track 8 "The Cemetery" is especially funny. Track 10 is also good. Hell, almost all of them are hilarious, IMO

 

[John]

This is Roy D. Mercer. When is the last time you had a good a$$ whipping?

 

[MacBaine]

 

[Dragnov]

I need a job and the only ones that seem to be availalbe are telemarketing jobs. But I absolutely refuse to bcome one of them. I can't force myself to be an annoying bastard... I just cant.

 

[CrackRabbit]

And now 5 easy steps to getting rid of a telemarketer.

Step 1: Have a modem in your computer with a phoneline attached to it...
Step 2: When a telemarketer calls answer the phone and keep them on it.
Step 3: While on the phone with the telemarketer go to your computer and open Hyperterminal (or your favorite terminal program)
Step 4: Whlie in hyperterminal Type in ATA and press enter and hold the phone away from your ear.
Step 5: Hang up and laugh at the telemarketer who now has a headache.

 

[XZeroII]

I once had one talk for over 3 minutes w/o letting me get a word in. It was just yap yap yap about something I did not want. I finally cut her off and just said I wasn't interested, but I was tempted to put her on hold and just walk away.

 

[Jugernot]

Guess I'm just a prude, but I didn't think it was all that funny.... There are quite a few people out with the name William Gates

 

[PsychoAndy]

<< Guess I'm just a prude, but I didn't think it was all that funny.... There are quite a few people out with the name William Gates >>



yeah, but how many are there in the seattle/kent/redmond area?

 

[GrumpyMan]

That's why I tried being a telemarketing manager for a year and a half, then gave it up!

 

[Ciber]

i usually ask the female ones if they swallow and what are they wearing or some freaky crap like that lol.......if it's a guy i just ask em if his boyfriend is the man in the relationship or something along those lines.....they usually hang up or curse at me

 

[kami]

Don't get me wrong, I hate telemarketers just as much as anyone but I realize all they're doing is there job and trying to make a living, so I am courteous to them unless they become annoying to the point where I HAVE to hang up.

 

[conjur]

For those of you who have BellSouth for your local phone service, Click Here

 

[Yeeny]

LOL Russ! My phone company called me last week, and kept pushing me to take caller id. Finally, the guy says "Look, don't you ever get those annoying telemarketing calls from pushy people that you wish you never took?" And I replied "You mean like this one?" He stuttered, apologized, and hung up rather quickly.

 

[SociallyChallenged]

<<Her: Oh, do you know who takes care of that?>>

I'm sorry, but how blonde can you get? That person matches the title of this thread. ROFL!

 

[GooberPHX420]

LOL PSYCHOANDY! You owned his ass GJ man