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People die you know

S

siameseplease

Member
A kid I knew Died yesterday In a car accident. He was just an aquaintence, and I only talked to him on occasion. It seems that sure, It is kind of an odd feeling when a name of someone you know shows up in the paper like this. The thing is, some people who knew him just as much, if not less are like saying "I can't beleive this" and "I'm so sad". Sure I think it is a shame that someone I knew died, but these people who knew him just as much as I did, but is it me that is wrong for not feeling the way alot of people do, or is it that people in general have a tough time dealing with death? If so, why are people so up tight about that. They say things like "teenagers think they are invincible until something like this happens". I never thought of it that way. I don't start the car unless everyone has their seatbelt on. I never felt the feeling of invincibility that they say teenagers are endowed with. I know I, and everyone I know and love will die, but what makes either them react like this, or me? I feel bad for his girlfriend and his family, and a car accident isn't the best way to go. Am I a cold hearted bastard? Or is my reaction just appropriate?
 
The thought of death scares a lot of people. When someone they know dies, it kind of freaks them out to be faced with the fact of their own mortality. "I can't believe it" or "what a shock" means "Holy crap, that could be me!"
 
At the risk of being heartless I've had plenty of people I've grown up with die over the years and it just never really bothered me THAT much. Of course I was saddened by it but only in the way I would be sad if I read some random stranger got killed in a similar fashion.

Death is a natural part of life and isn't this massive shock that a lot of people make it out to be. Bad things happen...

This would be different if I saw this person daily or really loved them, etc.
 
Nah, not cold hearted at all. I guess you could say you are more in touch with the reality of death/tradegy. Were the people saying "I'm so sad" etc parents? Assuming you don't have kids, you are probably less able to empathize with his parents.
 
I feel the same way as you about death. We're all gonna die, guess we're both half empty kinda guys.
 
There's nothing wrong with you. You have grown up, saw too much pain, felt too much pain, people harden. I wouldn't worry much about this "lost innocence".
 
So I haven't "lost" anything that makes me react to situations the way I do, but I guess I could look at it as gaining insight..hmm well, I have had close family die, not too many. For instance, I was sad on the way to my grandmas funeral, a little because she was my grandma, but I was more trifled because I was going to meet my "biological" father for the first time in my life, and I think those kinds of experiences I dont take things as hard...
 
While I agree with what has been said already, I must add the following text.

Yes; death is a natural part of the life cycle. It happens, shiat happens, and none of us are omnipotent and can reverse nor control any of it.

While it's true that the death of a school friend or grandma might not influence you that much, the converse is also true.

The death of someone close to you can and probably WILL change your life forever.

Sometimes the ones we love contract a fatal disease and we watch them fade away over time. It doesn't change the outcome, but at least all involved are expecting it. That expectation makes it a little easier in the end.

The REAL TEST comes when you're not expecting it. Your girlfriend dies in a wreck on the way to school. Your father gets hit by a bus while rescuing a little old lady that had fallen down. Your best friend falls off the roof of his house and breaks his neck while putting up a satellite dish.

How do you deal with THAT? It's very easy to play "The Big Man" and say "Oh, it won't bother me...whatever!" when you're not really faced with a real life situation.

Good luck to all you Big Men when That Day comes.
 
You're not a coldhearted bastard at all. I agree with you pretty much all the way through. The only difference is that I am a bit more saddened by death when it's someone I was closer to. I hate it when people try to make themselves someone's best friend AFTER the person dies, I think that's even worse than admitting you didn't know or like the person. We don't have to be best friends with everyone on the planet; I don't give a damn if some people don't like me. I just hope that whenever I end up dying, it's not some competition of who knew me better/who was closest to me.
 
the tragedy is that this person didn't live up to the potential he may have reached given the opportunity to live the rest of his natural life.
 
Originally posted by: MichaelD
While I agree with what has been said already, I must add the following text.

Yes; death is a natural part of the life cycle. It happens, shiat happens, and none of us are omnipotent and can reverse nor control any of it.

While it's true that the death of a school friend or grandma might not influence you that much, the converse is also true.

The death of someone close to you can and probably WILL change your life forever.

Sometimes the ones we love contract a fatal disease and we watch them fade away over time. It doesn't change the outcome, but at least all involved are expecting it. That expectation makes it a little easier in the end.

The REAL TEST comes when you're not expecting it. Your girlfriend dies in a wreck on the way to school. Your father gets hit by a bus while rescuing a little old lady that had fallen down. Your best friend falls off the roof of his house and breaks his neck while putting up a satellite dish.

How do you deal with THAT? It's very easy to play "The Big Man" and say "Oh, it won't bother me...whatever!" when you're not really faced with a real life situation.

Good luck to all you Big Men when That Day comes.
Click to expand...


A grandma who you spent much time with?
 
It hasn't really affected me when a relative or a friend from high school or such dies. But I would be devastated if my wife died.

Or my puppy. That'd be sad, too. I'd probably break down beyond repair if either of those happened.
 
I'm old enough that both my parents, and my wife's are long gone, as are grandparents. She & I are now the "old folks" in the family, even though her brother is 2 yrs older than I am. He's an alcoholic who stumbles thru life, and seems to always expect us to bail him out of his messes...

Having seved 22 months in Vietnam, and having worked heavy construction for over 30 yrs, I've had the occasion to see many friends/acquaintences die in one way or another. yeah, it can make you sad, but IMO, it's best not to dwell on it, because it only brings you down. Just move on...
now if it's a VERY close friend, or close family member, that's a bit different, (much more mourning/grieving) but in the end, you still have to put it behind you, and get on with your life. After being together for 32 years, I can't imagine how it would be to lose my wife...
Damn, I'd have to learn to cook again...
 
Originally posted by: redly1
some people DIAF
Click to expand...

😀

I laughed hard for some reason.

@ OP

I don't think your reaction is inappropriate. I had the same deal last winter sorta. It is unfortunate, but sh!t happens. There were people who had met the deceased once maybe, and cried for days on end. I don't know what to think. As for the invincible thing, I never feel that way either.
 
Originally posted by: siameseplease
I feel bad for his girlfriend and his family, and a car accident isn't the best way to go. Am I a cold hearted bastard? Or is my reaction just appropriate?
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Nope, you're just different than most people.

I can be pretty fatalistic sometimes (it can be quite a cheerful philosophy if you do it right😛), and so I try to keep it under wraps at times like that, so as not to invoke someone's ire. Especially when it's a pet...I just don't understand how people can get as broken up about it as they do. But I certainly don't say that to someone whose pet just died.

Originally posted by: MichaelD
The REAL TEST comes when you're not expecting it. Your girlfriend dies in a wreck on the way to school. Your father gets hit by a bus while rescuing a little old lady that had fallen down. Your best friend falls off the roof of his house and breaks his neck while putting up a satellite dish.

How do you deal with THAT? It's very easy to play "The Big Man" and say "Oh, it won't bother me...whatever!" when you're not really faced with a real life situation.
Click to expand...

How about having your clustermate die right across the hall from you, on a Saturday halfway through the school year?

No one is claiming it doesn't bother them at all; of course it does. But it seems to bother some people a LOT more than others.
 
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