PBS: Daughter from Danang... a.k.a. An Uncultured, Ungrateful American

[imported_Tomato]

Did anyone else watch this last night? I've been watching a lot of PBS lately... Daughter from Danang was on last night, part of their "American Experience" series.

The story in a nutshell:

Heidi Bub (Vietnamese mother, American father) was conceived during the Vietnam war, and airlifted to the USA via Operation Babylift when she was a young child, separating her from her mother. She grew up in the South, and decided to visit Vietnam again 22 years later. Her mother spoke to her via a translator, crying and trying to hug and kiss the daughter she lost all those years ago... as Heidi looked stiff, awkward and uncomfortable.

Her mother took her to a Vietnamese market, where Heidi complained of the smell, of the uncleanliness, and how her mother was taking too long to shop. She kept saying "I just wanted to get out of there, it was so dirty... everything was like a bad dream."

Heidi's family in Vietnam was extremely poor, and asked Heidi if she could take her mother home with her to the USA. Heidi looked shocked, and her brothers noticed her reaction... so they changed their request to a small monthly stipend for their mother, as they'd taken care of her (in poverty) for 22 years, requesting Heidi assist their family financially, as she had more than the means to do so. Heidi went crazy... she started crying and ran away, pushing her mother away from her... "How could these people be so rude, asking for all this money? I can't be here anymore, I can't do this, they're so rude and pushy... I had all these happy memories, and now I'm going to go home with all these bad ones..."

There were flashbacks to her "American family" at home, who said things to the effect of "Heidi looked like an American with a tan. She didn't look Oriental. Her mom told her not to tell anyone she was half. We always considered her to be a white American, like us."

When Heidi returned home, she kept saying things like she wish she'd never gone back to Vietnam. She wish she hadn't seen the things she had. Her mother gave her her address in Vietnam and told her to please write... Heidi said "I look at that address and I turn it over, I walk right by. I need to live for the present and the future, not the past."

Her utter rejection of her roots, her mother, and her history just made me sick. She's one of those "If I cover my eyes, it's not there" types... complete denial. I'm not sure if it was the ignorant surroundings she was raised in or her single-digit IQ, but the story made me so sad and angry...

Oops. Gotta get back to work now. Will write more later if possible...

EDIT: I can see it from Heidi's POV, but seriously... one would hope she wouldn't be THAT ignorant...

 

[Sundog]

Very sad....sorry to use an overused phrase but what a biatch!

Oh no....I am going to close my eyes and make it all go away.....




This is real life.

 

[dabuddha]

wow she sounds horrible

 

[bunker]

Some of her reactions were a bit over the top.

Her utter rejection of her roots, her mother, and her history just made me sick

That woman is her mother in a biological sense only. What makes you think she should run to her with open arms and accept her as family? She's grown up in America, only known her family here and the standards we have here.

 

[Angrymarshmello]

What a b1tch.

 

[Amused]

I gotta agree with Sundog. What a spoiled, ignorant, self absorbed and insensitive little sh!t. :disgust:

 

[nativesunshine]

That is so sad.

You always hear stories of babies being rejected by their mothers...but how could a daughter reject her real mother? She should be proud of her background...proud of where she came from. Man...people like this make me sooooo mad and totally makes me appreciate my mother a whole lot more.

Speaking of...I'm gonna call her up right now. I miss my mommy....

 

[agnitrate]

I wouldn't expect her to be doing a whole lot unless she was raised by the family. Otherwise, it's just like she was given up for adoption. Her real mother is the person who raised her as a child.

That still doesn't give her the right to completely disrespect her mother and ignore her like that though.

-silver

 

[brxndxn]

I dunno the whole story... but I wouldn't want anything to do with some people in poverty in a third world country.

As far as I would be concerned, if I was adopted, I wouldn't want to see my biological parents anyway. My family would be the ones that raised me; not the ones that gave me up.

 

[pulse8]

Look at it from her perspective.

This girl hasn't really known these people at all. As far as she's concerned they aren't her family, but rather strangers who have a blood-line with her.

She gets to a place that she doesn't know with a culture that she's unaware of. Then her family asks her to bring her mother back with her so she can support her? Or at least for her to send her money? That's a lot to ask of someone that you don't really know.

Especially a 22 year old girl.

 

[gregshin]

Originally posted by: bunker
Some of her reactions were a bit over the top.

Her utter rejection of her roots, her mother, and her history just made me sick

That woman is her mother in a biological sense only. What makes you think she should run to her with open arms and accept her as family? She's grown up in America, only known her family here and the standards we have here.

i think i should beat you down dood...

 

[kranky]

She was the one who chose to return to Vietnam, right? She was the one who wanted to see her biological mother, right?

If she had been dragged kicking and screaming back there, I could better understand her reaction. If it was her idea, I can't see why she reacted that way.

 

[bunker]

Originally posted by: gregshin

Originally posted by: bunker
Some of her reactions were a bit over the top.

Her utter rejection of her roots, her mother, and her history just made me sick

That woman is her mother in a biological sense only. What makes you think she should run to her with open arms and accept her as family? She's grown up in America, only known her family here and the standards we have here.

i think i should beat you down dood...

Wow...the intelligence is simply overwhelming.

 

[nativesunshine]

Originally posted by: brxndxn
I dunno the whole story... but I wouldn't want anything to do with some people in poverty in a third world country.

As far as I would be concerned, if I was adopted, I wouldn't want to see my biological parents anyway. My family would be the ones that raised me; not the ones that gave me up.

" Heidi Bub's birth mother, Mai Thi Kim, feared that her daughter would "be soaked with gasoline and be burnt." For a mother desperate to protect her mixed race child in the face of an advancing enemy, a chance to send the child to America was a ray of hope."

How admirable the mother is for thinking of her child. As much as it would pain her to give up her (as I'm sure most parents are)....she knew that by doing so the child would have a better life.

The girl should be grateful to her mother for doing what she did. Her behavior towards her biological family was so uncalled for and so disgustingly rude. Even if you want nothing to do with them...the LEAST you could do is repect their lifestyle and respect their culture (and RESPECT the elderly?).

"She grew up in the South, and decided to visit Vietnam again 22 years later."

Why did she want to visit Vietnam anyway...if she was going to act this way? Isn't that what travelling's all about? To see and appreciate a different culture?

 

[UNCjigga]

I don't blame her one bit! Seriously, Dezign and others calling her a biatch...can you at least try to put yourself in her shoes??? No one can even imagine what she's going through. Nevermind the fact that she's a product of her foster parents and shouldn't be considered 'Asian'. Having slant-eyes doesn't mean your Asian (and she probably doesn't even have those if she's mixed)...being Asian involves a radically different definition of family compared to typical American experiences, not to mention other cultural values. Would you blame the typical American 'redneck' for not wanting to be in Vietnam???

 

[AgentEL]

I really want to watch this movie now that I know what its about... but next show in my area isn't until May 18th

 

[TheBloodguard]

I saw about half of it but I could completely understand Heidi's side and disagree with you. My first thought of the "family" was how insensitive they were and how many times they kept asking for money when they were all sitting down. This was suppose to be about family and the first things I saw was the family saying you owe us and gimme gimme gimme and take our mother to the US.
Shhhhtttt , with a family like that I would be pissed too. I can understand why they might want money but it was completely inappropriate to ask during that time.
I didn't see the beginning but it didn't seem like she was well off, didn't the family live in onsite army barracks or something and she has two children? To me that would indicate that she was not well off.

 

[AnyMal]

I don't understand some of the people's reaction. A "mother" is someone who raises the child, one who cares and nourishes it. Why are you surprised that she rejected her "family" in Vietnam? Those people expect her to support them financially, how dare they! What have they done for her to request something in return? She has a full right to refuse as well as she should. She has only one family the one that raised her.

 

[dexvx]

The amount of money needed to survive in rural Vietname is close to nil compared to here. She saw what her life would have been like had she NOT been airlifted to the USA. Apparently, she takes her VERY lucky draw of being airlifted to the USA for granted. Instead of appreciated what she has and how lucky she is, she looks down on her family for living in a sh1t environment.

Apparently there is a rift between the European and Asian concept of family. In Asia, family is considered d@mn strong, especially in the direct line nuclear family.

What a b1tch.

 

[nativesunshine]

Originally posted by: AnyMal
What have they done for her to request something in return?

Maybe it was inappropriate for her family to ask for money...ask for support AT THAT TIME. But she totally reacted the wrong way. She's calling them rude...but the whole entire time SHE was the rude one!

Like I said before in my second post....she should be so fvcking grateful to her "mother" for giving her a better life. Instead of her family REQUESTING support and money...she should be OFFERING it. Grr...I'm getting so angry thinking about this...

 

[atom]

Originally posted by: nativesunshine

Originally posted by: AnyMal
What have they done for her to request something in return?

Maybe it was inappropriate for her family to ask for money...ask for support. But she totally reacted the wrong way. She's calling them rude...but the whole entire time SHE was the rude one!

Like I said before in my second post....she should be so fvcking grateful to her "mother" for giving her a better life. Instead of her family REQUESTING support and money...she should be OFFERING it. Grr...I'm getting so angry thinking about this...

Werd.

Would you blame the typical American 'redneck' for not wanting to be in Vietnam???

From the summary it looks like she went there willingly. Why go there if all you're gonna do is act indignant all the time?

EDIT: BTW when is this gonna be replayed?

 

[desertdweller]

Originally posted by: dexvx
The amount of money needed to survive in rural Vietname is close to nil compared to here. She saw what her life would have been like had she NOT been airlifted to the USA. Apparently, she takes her VERY lucky draw of being airlifted to the USA for granted. Instead of appreciated what she has and how lucky she is, she looks down on her family for living in a sh1t environment.

Apparently there is a rift between the European and Asian concept of family. In Asia, family is considered d@mn strong, especially in the direct line nuclear family.

What a b1tch.

Thats because its only her family by name. Its not her real family. How much money do you send to
people in third world countries that you don't know??

Unless you've been in her situation, you have no idea what you're talking about.

DD

 

[yowolabi]

This film was up for best documentary at the Oscars. I felt more pity for the girl than anything. She built up some unrealistic expectations of what her mother would be like, and she's one of those Americans that are better off staying in America or going to places that look exactly like America. I don't know what she was looking for, but it wasn't really a connection to her mother and her roots. It seemed to me that she was looking to make up for love that she didn't feel she got as a child.

She was totally unprepared for reality, and I agreed with her analysis that she would have been better off never going to Vietnam. Some people prefer to live in their fantasies.

 

[kei]

Heidi Bub wasn't separated from her mother as a baby. She was sent to the US at age 6 and visited Vietnam when she was 28/29. Her mom gave her up in fear that her daughter would be killed and hopes that she would have a better life. Her reaction when she went to Vietnam was filled with disgust. What the hell was she expecting? It's a third world country. Didn't she keep up in correspondence with her family? She should have at least become more familiar with the culture instead being completely ignorant.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: uncJIGGA
I don't blame her one bit! Seriously, Dezign and others calling her a biatch...can you at least try to put yourself in her shoes??? No one can even imagine what she's going through. Nevermind the fact that she's a product of her foster parents and shouldn't be considered 'Asian'. Having slant-eyes doesn't mean your Asian (and she probably doesn't even have those if she's mixed)...being Asian involves a radically different definition of family compared to typical American experiences, not to mention other cultural values. Would you blame the typical American 'redneck' for not wanting to be in Vietnam???

Seriously, uncJIGGA... perhaps she should have taken the time to research her own culture and history. The tradition of Asian families to take care of each other, the responsibility of Asian children to honor, respect, and take care of their parents. And WTF is up with your "Having slant-eyes doesn't mean your Asian" comment?

Perhaps she should have taken the time to at least learn the BASICS of Asian culture and values... her mother made the ultimate sacrifice by giving up her daughter (to save her daughter's life) as a child, yet Heidi feels she owes her old life and old family absolutely nothing.

I wouldn't blame the "typical American 'redneck'" for not wanting to be in Vietnam, but she CHOSE to go, and she DID spend part of her childhood in Vietnam. I think she was 5 or 6 when she was airlifted to the States... she claimed she remembered running inside when the Viet Cong would come through their village.