parents - what's the longest you've been away from your kids, and at what age?

[purbeast0]

my wife had our first child five and a half months ago. before he was born we had planned for my wife to go back to work in the beginning of october, and we were going to take a trip for our anniversary which is next sunday, leaving our kid with her mother in law. it had been thought out and planned for a while and her mom was okay with doing it and so were we. we thought we'd have no problem getting a "break" for a week.

well now that the time has come, we're both kind of having a hard time leaving him with her mom. it's not that we are worried about something happening to him or her mom not treating him well. he's stayed with her 2 separate nights already and it's been just fine.

it's just knowing that we won't see him for a week and be able to take care of him. we're dropping him off tonight and will be picking him up next tuesday after our flight lands at 9:30pm. the past few days i just keep thinking about it and it is like eating at me and i've had a little bit of anxiety about it. i'm actually having a tougher time than my wife, which i never would have guessed.

again, i know he will be just fine, but had someone bet me a million dollars before he was born that i'd have trouble leaving him for a week, i would have taken that bet in a heartbeat. it's crazy what these little guys can do to you and tug at the heart. just seeing him sleeping this morning when i left for work gave me a sad feeling because i wont' see that for about 9 days. and we can skype with her mom too which will help.

i know all will be fine, but i'm curious if other parents have experienced this before.

 

[ControlD]

My daughter is 10, and the longest we have been away from her is two days. I have been away from her for extended periods due to work travel, but she was still at home with my wife.

I would never have considered going on a nine day vacation without the child at such a young age, but that's a personal decision. I just couldn't do it. Our situation is also different because I don't have family that I can just leave my daughter with, but I still couldn't do it. I figure vacations for wife and me will start again in about eight years.

 

[purbeast0]

My daughter is 10, and the longest we have been away from her is two days. I have been away from her for extended periods due to work travel, but she was still at home with my wife.

I would never have considered going on a nine day vacation without the child at such a young age, but that's a personal decision. I just couldn't do it. Our situation is also different because I don't have family that I can just leave my daughter with, but I still couldn't do it I figure vacations for wife and me will start again in about eight years.

well the vacation is a week (tuesday to tuesday), but gotta drop off early and pick up when we get back.

and yeah, it would be different if it was me going alone, knowing he was at home with my wife.

also, my wife (and her family obviously) are spanish, and in spanish culture, it's very common for other family to stay with other family members for extended periods of times at early ages. her one nephew went to her home country for a full month without his parents when he was 1 year old.

 

[Homerboy]

Couple of days. But in that time, my wife was with them.

Honestly, even at 12 and 14 now, I'd have a hard time leaving them for any extended period of time. I could do it now, but it would have been impossible at a younger age. Even if I did it now, I just would feel like I was missing out, or that THEY were missing out on the vacation. I just wouldn't be able to enjoy the vacation as much without them.

On a related note, what is the equivalent of "pussy whipped" in regards to your children?

 

[ControlD]

Couple of days. But in that time, my wife was with them.

Honestly, even at 12 and 14 now, I'd have a hard time leaving them for any extended period of time. I could do it now, but it would have been impossible at a younger age. Even if I did it now, I just would feel like I was missing out, or that THEY were missing out on the vacation. I just wouldn't be able to enjoy the vacation as much without them.

It's funny how that works isn't it? My wife and I used to love going to Vegas once or twice a year. Or just somewhere on a whim. Now the best part of being on vacation is being with the family. It's a little different with an infant though, and those years vacations tended to be seeing distant family members. When the kids get old enough to start enjoying vacation themselves is when things truly get to be fun.

 

[Homerboy]

It's funny how that works isn't it? My wife and I used to love going to Vegas once or twice a year. Or just somewhere on a whim. Now the best part of being on vacation is being with the family. It's a little different with an infant though, and those years vacations tended to be seeing distant family members. When the kids get old enough to start enjoying vacation themselves is when things truly get to be fun.

Yeah, I wouldn't trade them for the world. Sure we end up arguing, and by the end I pretty much want to destroy my 14 year old and we all pretty much want to kill each other.... ahhh.... memories for a lifetime!

Myrtle Beach next summer!

 

[chitwood]

totally normal, bud.

ours is 8 months, leaving him behind while we left for a week would be so fucking hard to do. We're just so attached to him.

 

[MrPickins]

Our first is 4 months old, and the longest has been 8 hrs or so, until we took her out of day care (mom is staying home).

Doubtful that we could do a week.

 

[Ackmed]

4 deployments and several smaller operations of a few weeks each. Was supposed to leave again in January when two of my three kids have birthdays, get back November. I got off that deployment though, I had a talk with my two oldest who can comprehend and they don't want me to go. So sad to say, I have been away for close to 5 years time in total.

Being away can be hard, and make you feel like shit. Especially when you can't talk to them for weeks at a time or important days. Just knowing that they are with loved ones makes it better.

You probably need the break, some you time with the wife. Get recharged and realize how important kids can be, not saying you don't already. Just different when gone. You are far from the first I imagine. Several years ago my wife and I got a day to ourselves, cut plans short and came back early just to see the kids.

 

[Homerboy]

4 deployments and several smaller operations of a few weeks each. Was supposed to leave again in January when two of my three kids have birthdays, get back November. I got off that deployment though, I had a talk with my two oldest who can comprehend and they don't want me to go. So sad to say, I have been away for close to 5 years time in total.

Being away can be hard, and make you feel like shit. Especially when you can't talk to them for weeks at a time or important days. Just knowing that they are with loved ones makes it better.

You probably need the break, some you time with the wife. Get recharged and realize how important kids can be, not saying you don't already. Just different when gone. You are far from the first I imagine. Several years ago my wife and I got a day to ourselves, cut plans short and came back early just to see the kids.

I honestly do no understand/comprehend how military folks can do this. All the more reason you are better people than I am

 

[CoPhotoGuy]

I was gone for 3 weeks for work when my son was 3 months old. My wife was with him so it wasn't too bad. Other than that, we've both been away for at most overnight, but never an entire 24 hours. He's 21 months now.

 

[purbeast0]

Couple of days. But in that time, my wife was with them.

Honestly, even at 12 and 14 now, I'd have a hard time leaving them for any extended period of time. I could do it now, but it would have been impossible at a younger age. Even if I did it now, I just would feel like I was missing out, or that THEY were missing out on the vacation. I just wouldn't be able to enjoy the vacation as much without them.

On a related note, what is the equivalent of "pussy whipped" in regards to your children?

we took him to the beach for a week back in july when he was 4 months old. it was nice and it definitely flew by having him there with us. we didn't want to bring him on a plane and overseas though at this age because he obviously wouldn't remember it, and we just don't know how it would be with him on a trip in the caribean, especially since kids that young can't just sit in the sun all day, and it's not like we can bring a canopy or anything big with us. i'm sure we COULD but it would just make for a huge hassle overall we thought.

definitely going to be tough dropping him at the in laws tonight and saying by to him. my wife wants to leave when he's sleeping, but man, when i saw him sleeping last night i told her i don't know if we can just leave him like that and him waking up wondering where we are. but then if we leave while he's awake he will probably just be staring into our eyes and that'll be tough too lol.

 

[edro]

Wife and I went to Europe for a trade show/mini vacation for 6 days when he was 9mo old.
Yeah, it sucks.
You and your wife will just stare at each other and your phones and have nothing to talk about except "I wonder how the little guy is?"

You need to try to relax and worry about yourselves and have a good time.
If everything works out, you will have another one in 9 months.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

The longest time my wife and I have been away from our 5 yr old was about 2 nights. We did miss the little booger, it was hard the first night, 2nd night was a bit easier but we were very happy to see her after that. I was going to go on a 5 day camping trip with just the guys, but I didn't want to be away from her that long, so I'm just going away fro 2 nights now. IDK if it'll get easier as they grow.

 

[RagingBITCH]

Our baby boy was born Oct 2014. The most we've been away has been 2 days - he has stayed at my mom's from a Fri night to Sun night. We've done that a few times while we were in town. For out of town - the same thing for a trip we took to Austin for Labor Day for a wedding. We felt the same uneasiness/guilt/whatever you want to call it leaving him any longer.

We normally have my mom come over and hang out for a little bit before taking him, or we drop him off and linger a bit, let him get accustomed to her house, and leave. She hasn't said he's thrown a fit or anything. I'm not sure where our threshold is or if we'd be comfy with a week long trip, yet anyway. I guess that's called love?

 

[amdhunter]

40 years for both the mom and kid.
I hope they never find me.

 

[SearchMaster]

The best advice my mother ever gave us before she passed away was "when someone offers to watch your kids, DO IT".

I don't know what the actual length of time was but we really didn't have a lot of options. My wife's father passed long before our kids were born and her mom is barely capable of caring for herself much less other children. My mom was phenomenal and we had no problems leaving the kids with her, but my father gets tired of kids after a couple of days so that was about as long as we could go.

If you truly think your vacation will be ruined then just cancel it or do a mini-vacation (couple of days) to feel out how well you think it might go in the future. But trust me on this one - you NEED this time to reconnect with your wife as a wife, friend and lover (and not just a mother) more than you need the bonding time with the little guy.

 

[ultimatebob]

Me? 5 days for a business trip. She's 2 1/2. I missed the little goober

My wife? About 2 days while she was in surgery.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

Well, count on this being the last time your mother in law volunteers to help out for that long of a duration. She is going to be sleep derived and tired.

We've never left our kids for that long. I have friends that have but their kids were potty trained at that point (3+ years old). Once potty trained you can do long weekends and stuff without having it be tough on a grandparent.

You need time to yourselves on occasion. You have to do that. For how long of a duration is your call.

 

[purbeast0]

yeah the thing that sucks is i'm not even excited about going on this trip. i'm sure once i'm in aruba that will change, but i'm usually so excite building up to leaving, but this time it's just completely different.

 

[trmiv]

Daughter is almost 2 1/2. The longest we've been away from her is overnight when my wife and I went out for the evening and stayed in a nice hotel for our anniversary a few months ago.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

we took him to the beach for a week back in july when he was 4 months old. it was nice and it definitely flew by having him there with us. we didn't want to bring him on a plane and overseas though at this age because he obviously wouldn't remember it, and we just don't know how it would be with him on a trip in the caribean, especially since kids that young can't just sit in the sun all day, and it's not like we can bring a canopy or anything big with us. i'm sure we COULD but it would just make for a huge hassle overall we thought.

definitely going to be tough dropping him at the in laws tonight and saying by to him. my wife wants to leave when he's sleeping, but man, when i saw him sleeping last night i told her i don't know if we can just leave him like that and him waking up wondering where we are. but then if we leave while he's awake he will probably just be staring into our eyes and that'll be tough too lol.

Kids will not remember much that happened before age 6 once they get older. They will remember that they were happy or not happy though. You don't have to spend alot of money when they are young. Just do things that make them happy. A 1 hour walk in the woods is sufficient for alot of kids. Or a trip to the beach. Or join a local private pool ($850/summer for us). If they like sports, encourage it. If they don't like a sport, let them quit (once the season is over). With sports, it's about your kid, not you.

 

[purbeast0]

Well, count on this being the last time your mother in law volunteers to help out for that long of a duration. She is going to be sleep derived and tired.

We've never left our kids for that long. I have friends that have but their kids were potty trained at that point (3+ years old). Once potty trained you can do long weekends and stuff without having it be tough on a grandparent.

You need time to yourselves on occasion. You have to do that. For how long of a duration is your call.

well she isn't working right now so she should be alright. but yes, i'm sure after a week she will be ready to give him back to us lol.

 

[trmiv]

Kids will not remember much that happened before age 6 once they get older. They will remember that they were happy or not happy though. You don't have to spend alot of money when they are young. Just do things that make them happy. A 1 hour walk in the woods is sufficient for alot of kids. Or a trip to the beach. Or join a local private pool ($850/summer for us). If they like sports, encourage it. If they don't like a sport, let them quit (once the season is over). With sports, it's about your kid, not you.

Yea yesterday we took my daughter to Rooms 2 Go to look at bedroom furniture, and I swear she thought it was Disney World. We didn't even buy anything! She thought climbing the stairs to test out the loft bunk beds was about the coolest thing in world.