PARENTS: I need advice from you *EDIT - the man sets the record straight!*t)

[Stark]

However, what you describe isn't always as easy as you think, as a father without custody, can you get out of work to see your kid? even if it is such a meeting? do you even know that? was he asked, did he even know about it? you don't know, now do you...

there's a difference between missing work to be at the meetings and caring enough to even ask about them. He makes it clear that he knew that the meetings were every other week and now they're once a month.

Unfortunantly, even when the father is the most fit parent, the mother usually get's custody... it is just the way it is, i had to fight a long hard fight... and it could have gone either way...

Good for you. You sound like a great dad who cares about his kid and willingly makes great personal sacrifices as a father. Like I posted earlier, how much do you want to bet that Mike hasn't lifted a finger to get custody of his kid?

 

[Jfur]

Maybe focus a little more on how you are going to behave at the session. For example, how are you going to remain calm and polite when she attacks or if you think the shrink is trying to do something strange?

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Mursilis

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Mursilis

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Mursilis

Originally posted by: gopunk
Now Mr. Super Stud is forced to deal with one of the women he screwed and dumped and is worried about one thing: himself.

if you read his other threads, he does exhibit significant concern for the welfare of his child. and stop making the woman out to be such a victim. it's not like he raped her, it takes two to tango.

I have a loser dad, but I've also had male friends with severly screwed up ex's who try to do what's best for their children. From everything Mike reveals about himself, I'm not inclined to think he's a "victim" in anything that happens in his life. Rather, I think he's only experiencing the age old phenomenon of "you reap what you sew."

i'm not seeing how he puts himself over his child. all you've pointed out is that he has a bunch of sexual exploits.

Sorry, but in my opinion "significant concern for the welfare of the child" involves creating a stable, healthy environment for the child. MichaelD choose as the mother of his child a woman he describes as "the most evil person Satan ever accidently left behind" - among other things. Charming. No freakin' wonder the kid has emotional problems.
I'm with Stark on this one.

choose? i'm sure if he had the choice, he'd choose someone else.

Of course he had a choice - was he raped?

no, i'm sorry having sex with somebody is not necessarily the same as choosing to have that person be the mother of your child. it's not apparent to me that michaeld ever planned on having this child.

Which is why some children get raised in caring, loving homes, and some get raised in the crossfire of custody battles and mutual hatred. I just feel bad for the kids. Anyway, whether he planned to have the child or not, he willfully engaged in an activity from which a child reasonably might (and did in fact) arise, so he, and the mother, are the responsible parties. Just because the child wasn't 'planned' is no excuse - a child was a reasonably foreseeable outcome.

May i ask how old you are, how many kids do you have, have you ever experienced what you seem to know so much about?

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Stark

However, what you describe isn't always as easy as you think, as a father without custody, can you get out of work to see your kid? even if it is such a meeting? do you even know that? was he asked, did he even know about it? you don't know, now do you...

there's a difference between missing work to be at the meetings and caring enough to even ask about them. He makes it clear that he knew that the meetings were every other week and now they're once a month.

Unfortunantly, even when the father is the most fit parent, the mother usually get's custody... it is just the way it is, i had to fight a long hard fight... and it could have gone either way...

Good for you. You sound like a great dad who cares about his kid and willingly makes great personal sacrifices as a father. Like I posted earlier, how much do you want to bet that Mike hasn't lifted a finger to get custody of his kid?

The thing is, we really don't know much about his relationship, to judge based on what we know is not fair...

Most single dad's do their best (yes MOST actually do) but if the mother decides he is not good enough, that is usually enough to take away visitation rights... sure, there are lot's of rotten parents, both mothers and fathers... but the truth is, as i see it, Michael is afraid he will lose his visitation rights here... that makes me believe he cares...

You have to understand something else.. when you split up after having kids, you have to rebuild your life, not only to suit yourself, but also to suit your child, it is not always easy... you want to meet girls? well, at least i am very concerned with the fact that i have kids... how will they get along? There are lot's of issues..

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Mursilis

Which is why some children get raised in caring, loving homes, and some get raised in the crossfire of custody battles and mutual hatred. I just feel bad for the kids. Anyway, whether he planned to have the child or not, he willfully engaged in an activity from which a child reasonably might (and did in fact) arise, so he, and the mother, are the responsible parties. Just because the child wasn't 'planned' is no excuse - a child was a reasonably foreseeable outcome.

how can he have chosen her to be the mother of his child if he didn't even know he was going to have a child? sure, people should be more responsible with sex, etc. but you can't say that he chose her to be the mother. he chose to have sex with her, nothing more.

 

[XMan]

Every one of you guys giving Mike sh*t need to read some of the old threads about stuff his wife has pulled.
The Playstation
Text
WIC

 

[Draknor]

MichaelD -

Ouch - tough situation! Like some others have said - find out the legality of recording the session. It's unlikely the doctor is in cahorts with your ex, but if he (she?) is, and a recording is illegal, it's not going to do you ANY good whatsoever. You need to be talking with a lawyer about this...

Stark-
You've read, what, 2 threads of Michael's? This and his rant about women? As a platinum member, I would have thought you'd have read more. I'm only a recent senior member, but based on ALL of the threads & posts of Michael's that I've read (here's a recent one) , my perception of him is significantly higher than the dead-beat you perceive him as. No, he's probably not perfect, but then I know I'm not and I doubt you are.

You have your right to perceive him however you wish - I believe what he posts, but you are free not to. The problem I have with your posts are that you are over-simplifying the situation and ripping on Michael because he does not do what you think is right in a perfect world. This world, particularly America, is not perfect, esp. when it comes to custody battles.

Maybe Michael wants to see more of his son; maybe he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't have the time/energy to spend more time with his son. Hell, most married parents hardly spend enough time with their children, even living in the same house! A sad situation, yes - but true nonetheless.

Bottom line - please don't thread-crap, esp. in such an ignorant way.

 

[jjones]

Michael, if I were in your shoes I'd do a couple of things. First, I know you have been leaving well enough alone with your son about these sessions, but it's about time you spoke to him about it. I would speak with him first, before attending a session, to find out how he feels about it. It's time to get more involved.

Secondly, I would call the Doc and tell her that you agree and would be happy to meet with her in a session with your son but his mother should not be present. There's no way I would go to a first session like that with your son's mother attending the session. It could very easily turn into a finger pointing arguement that would not be good for anybody, especially your son. If this were me, I would be extremely uncomfortable with her there and I don't think it is appropriate for the Doc to proceed with a first session with you that way.

Last, I'd skip the recording. It might not be legal and it won't do you any good anyway.

Oh, and ignore Stark. He obviously has unresolved issues in his relationship with his father that makes him very bitter.

 

[Stark]

OK, maybe I'm wrong and should give the guy a break. Let's look at Xerox Man's links and see if they show a warm fuzzy father of the year version of MichaelD.

First link:

What is MichaelD's take?

Basically, she wants me to go 1/2 again on a new one. She didn't come right out and say that, but I know that b!tch. My son busted the damn thing (he has no respect for his things or anyone else's for that matter) and now he's whining that he can't live w/o it. He's six years old, dammit. I am lucky I had food and a bed to sleep in when I was six, let alone a $300 gaming console!!!!

Ok, not a good start. This one just reinforced my view that he's a self-centered piece of crap who does not love his child... at least not as much as he loves himself and the $150 it would cost to get his son a video game.

Let's try the second:

My son is six years old...and a PITA. Daddy loves him though.

Nice. Six year old pain in the ass. Strike two.

For the past six months, my son's mother has been making home improvements left and right. Not cheap stuff either. New floors. New cabinets. Some new furniture. She's also been on two trips. One to visit her brother in an "expensive city" and the other to DisneyWorld for A WEEK.

My son told me all the things they did there. Cha-ching-cha-ching. And she's always bitching that she's always broke and is always hitting me up for money.

So if the mother of his son tries to make their home nice or take her son to Disneyworld, he looks for a way to justify not giving her money. Sounds like the first post, only a little more pathetic.

She doesn't work a second job. I know this for a fact. She has lousy credit; she filed the "minor bankruptcy" I think that's chapter 13 or something about 5 years ago, so her credit is shot.

It sounds like he's complaining that she only works one job. When the heck is she supposed to raise your child, Mike? You going to babysit while she's at work, or are your four days a month as much time as you can spare? You think she likes needing to live on foodstamps and WIC? You think she likes living in a sh!thole, unable to take vacations? You think this is the life she dreamed about when she was dating you? No wonder she hates you.

Maybe I'm being too harsh again. Let's look at this last thread mr senior member wants me to check out.

Hi. My name is MichaelD; you may know me from the Anandtech Forums. For the past 4.5 years, Mon-Fri, I have not gotten more than 4 hours sleep per night. Sometimes less. I work two jobs b/c I like to live like I make really good money...and I really don't.

So, welcome to the Land of the Damned, Home of the Walking Dead. Try going to bed earlier. You have no excuse not to...you're not working a second job, dealing with a screaming baby, etc. Ah, to be young and stupid again....now I'm old and stupid...at least then, I was 12 pounds lighter. *sigh*

What screaming kid? Your ex-girlfriend/fiancee/one night stand/still haven't disclosed the extent of the original relationship with this woman is the one dealing with your out of control, fatherless for 27 days a month, PS2 playing "pain in the ass." But don't settle Mike, your perfect life is out there, just waiting for you to arrive.

I don't think I need to read anymore. When I woke up today, I didn't have much of an opinion about the poster known as MichaelD. Now, after reading all these posts you guys have pointed out, I think I have a pretty good idea about the guy.

It turns out, I've known Mike for 29 years. No, I take that back. Mike makes my loser dad look like father of the century. And the sad thing is, his son will probably turn out loving him as unconditionally and undeservedly as I love my dad.

Now I just hope he gets a vasectomy before he does this to another woman and child.

:disgust:

 

[MichaelD]

Hi there everyone,

I just got home from Job#2, that I originally had to get, five years ago, because I pay my child support, in the full amount the court ordered, every month and have never been late or missed a single payment. <---that's for Stark In addition to the child support, she hits me up for money for school clothes, boy scouts, karate lessons and other things. I pay it b/c it's FOR HIM and not her. <---that's also for Stark and his minions of moronity

Thank you! to all those who stood up for me...some of you know me pretty well. You DO give me my lumps when I deserve it, and that's a good thing...keeps me straight....but you know when I'm in the right. I am a good, decent person at heart. I have my issues, like everyone else, but I am not a bad person.

AND I am a GREAT father. My son tells me so, and that's ALL the proof I need. I love him and would jump in front of a bus in an instant to save him. But to see him, I have to deal with The Great Satan.

I will call the doctor and request that my first meeting with her not be w/my son's mom present. Whoever said "it could turn into a finger-pointing fight" is 100% correct. And it WOULD. My son's mom is an expert at putting me on the spot with bad timing. She called me at work, in the middle of the afternoon, from the DOCTORs office (I could hear my son talking in the background) to say "the doctor wants you to be at the next appt...will you come?" Of course I said "yes" it's for my son.

And for the record, I was never invited, asked or directed to go to these sessions, so I didn't pry.

For those of you who DON'T know the situation, I'll sum it up.

1. I was never married to his mom, nor did I promise, ask or bring up marriage. We dated for about nine months. I never really clicked w/her in the first place all that much...yeah we had fun, but the reason I put up w/her was b/c she had her own house, all to herself. I was living in a dorm w/an 18-y.o. kid who knew nothing about personal hygeine and left half eaten pizza on the couch. Literally, on the couch. If I put up w/her crap, I got to have this whole house to myself. Wrong reasons? YES! It was...bad Karma will bite your ass. We all live and learn...at least I admit my mistakes. The last four of those months were nothing but fights and late-night booty calls initiated and responded to by BOTH parties.

2. While we were dating, she got on the pill. Towards the end of the relationship, she stopped taking it....guess who she didn't inform of this news? Correct; ME. :|

3. We finally broke up. Didn't see her or talk to her for almost 6 weeks. I get a phone call....THE phone call...the bad news...."I'm pregnant and it's yours."

4. My friends had seen her out at clubs, sucking face with other guys. No prob, she's not mine anymore. But if she's sucking face, what else is she doing w/them? Logical conclusion, would you not say? "So, you're pregnant and it's mine, huh? Go fck yourself, honey!" Were my exact words.

5. Cut to the chase, the first time I saw my son he was three days old. I walked in expecting to find a baby that looked nothing like me. Guess what? I looked at his face for the first time and said "oh sh1t." He looked EXACTLY like me. To make it legal we had the paternity test done. He was mine, all mine.


And here we are today. I did the right thing by sticking around to be a father to him despite her best efforts. I could have walked away when he was three days old, and just treated the Child Support like any one of a thousand bills I pay every month. But i didn't. I love my son. My son loves me. As the days go by he gets older and wiser. he knows his Daddy isn't the bad guy mom played him out to be.

Thanks again to all of you that stuck up for me. Thank you to those of you that smacked me up in a constructive way...I don't mind that.

To those of you that dissed me without even knowing me or the situation, take this with you tonight; you really should find out all the facts before sticking both feet in your mouth and swallowing. If your dad walked out on you and let you starve while he snorted coke with hookers every night, I'm sorry. He is/was a scumbag. But I'm not your dad. I'm my son's Daddy!

 

[MichaelD]

You know Stark, you are a real knuckle-dragging piece of crap. You are taking every single thing I've ever said, and putting a "take it literally" spin on it. For your info, I DID go half on PS2...why a six year old needs a $300 console is beyond me, but I did it. I was bitching b/c we thought he broke it. Turns out it wasn't broke...cables not plugged in correctly, but that's not the point.

I had told his mom "he's gonna bust it." But she was adamant about getting it for him. I did it for him.

Anyway, if you wish to continue your personal vendetta against someone you don't even know, go right ahead. I'm flattered that you've taken the time to dig up every single one of my threads! I'll be sure to send you an autographed, glossy 8x10 of me holding up my Father of the Year Trophy.

 

[Stark]

Nice post, but I'm still not buying.

Luckily your kid is only 6 and you still have time before he's permanently screwed up. You still have a chance to grow up and become a father... not a two weekend a month buddy but a father. Time to stop planning your life around your d!ck and start planning it around your son. Time for you to apologize to the woman you told to f@ck off when she told you she was carrying your child. Time to have a semi-healthy relationship with this woman who you hurt and who you rely on to raise your son.

That's the only support I'll give you, Mike. So the next time you want to whine about your girlfriend or brag about your sexual prowess, expect a post with this:

from me.

Now it's time for me go put some peroxide on those knuckles I drag around.

 

[MichaelD]

"That's the only support I'll give you!"

Bahahahahahaha! I don't need your support, or your blessing you asswipe! You are a self-righteous, soapbox-standing piece of wanna-be-a-moral-example crap. You have no idea what this woman has done to me AND my family (mom, dad, brother, etc)

Who the hell do you think you are anyway? Maybe you should try actually having sex (with a woman, not the sheep...you need to cut that out) and you might loosen up a little.

I don't need you or anyone else trying to tell me how to be a father. I've noticed that you haven't mentioned it...are you a father? Hmm? Who knows? You may be married and have 34 children. Good for you.

The world doesn't revolve around any one person's ideals or morals, buddy. The sooner you get used to that fact, the better you'll be able to integrate into society and be a productive human being instead of such a moron.

 

[MichaelD]

Well? Do you have kids or NOT? And if you do, have you NEVER said "stop being a pain in the ass?" to them?

Have you never said to a buddy (I'd imagine that SOMEONE would want to be your friend) "Man, I'd love to go to the game with you, but I have to take Suzy to ballet...I wish I didn't and I could go with you!" You've never said anything like that, right? You are the perfect father, right?

Well?

ps
When did I ever claim to be such a perfect father? You have some issues, man....in fact, I think you have more issues than the History Room of the NY Times...you make me look normal. THANKS!

 

[Stark]

Ok, the peroxide is dry...

No, I am not a father yet. My wife and I are "trying" and have been for about a year, but Jr. hasn't decided to show up just yet. But most of my friends have kids, and they do not talk about their kids the way you talk about yours. They may talk about their wives as a pain in the @ss, but never their kids.

Instead, I'm the guy who picks his friend up from the airport after he flew to florida to bring his son home from his truly psychotic, cheating wife who decided she didn't want to be married anymore in the middle of their move from california. I'm the guy who saw how his friend dealt with his ex-wife after she moved back to be near her son... and how he did not show any biterness towards her, because he realized it would not help him raise his child.

But I didn't approach this thread as a father. I approached it as someone who's seen the situation from between you and your ex. The kid who has to call you and ask for money because mommy won't. The kid who has to be nice to your new girlfriend you're boning in your bedroom. The kid who gets to play with all your nice stuff on the weekend and go home to a tiny little apartment.

I'll say it again: it's not too late for you. But you only have a few years left to make much of an impact. Don't blow it.

 

[PlatinumGold]

I'll say it again: it's not too late for you. But you only have a few years left to make much of an impact. Don't blow it

That's WAAYYY condescending and unneccesary. most of what you've posted here is unneccesary stark. as i posted earlier, i don't know michaelD from a hole in the wall but i find ur attitude patronizing and condescending.

MichaelD. good luck man. it's a tough situation and i know there aren't easy answers.

with regards to bringing along ur own recorder and recording the session. doesn't the Dr. have to get ur consent to record the session too? when the dr makes that request simply respond by saying that you will only comply if you also are allowed to tape the session. i think that would make it perfectly legal as all parties would be receiving the same notification from both parties.

 

[MichaelD]

You are such a dork. You didn't read a DAMN thing, did you? I'm the one in the tiny apartment!!!!!!! She lives in a 3-bedroom house w/a backyard!

I got news for you; his mom won't call and ask for money. She'll SHOW up at your house and kick the door in. You think I'm joking? Granted, she hasn't done it in years, but she has. Again, I have not missed a single CS payment or been late EVER.

Let's just end this now, before it gets ugly, OK? It's a free country; you're free to think I'm a scumbag and I'm free to think you're a....well....a very unique little snowflake. Let's just leave it alone, shall we?

 

[MichaelD]

Again, THANK YOU to the folks that either supported me, or gave CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. OT is still a good place....just need to break out the weedwhacker once in awhile.

 

[Stark]

That's WAAYYY condescending and unneccesary. most of what you've posted here is unneccesary stark. as i posted earlier, i don't know michaelD from a hole in the wall but i find ur attitude patronizing and condescending.

Excuse me, but isn't the thread about an out of control kid who's in psychological counselling? I truly don't give a crap what mike thinks about my attitude. You can all pat him on the back and tell him what a great guy he is, but as far as I can tell, reading the same threads you all have, HE'S NOT. The sooner he realizes this and does something about it, the greater the chances his kid has to survive a childhood Mike and "satan" created for him.

I was done with the peroxide, but let me know if you want to keep going...

 

[MichaelD]

Stark,

Here's the bottom line, NON-parent. Until you have one of your own, until you have been thru 1/10th of what I and other parents, male and female have gone thru, you do not have a single thing to say. I don't care how many friends you have saved from psychotic whores; you_don't_know_jack about being a parent. That's the bottom line.

I have changed diapers, bottle fed, taught to walk, taught to speak, taught to write, ride a bike and taught how to open UT and start a practice match (<---Jr. Geek) my son. I have been there done that. As far as I'm concerned, you are an Armchair Dad. You "talk a good game."

You're experiences with your dad, as traumatic as they may have been, do not qualify you as a father, in any sense of the word. Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

[Stark]

That's fine. I'm just trying to help your kid (hope the flames didn't get in the way)... you can take it or leave it.

Fun thread.

 

[Ameesh]

you're a tool stark, from all of what ive read of mike's thread he works very hard to provide for his son, just because he doesnt like the mother of his son doesnt mean he cant be a good dad and what he does in his private life is his business it will not affect his son. its not like his telling his kid to watch him as he backsides his girlfriend. get some perspective.

 

[Instan00dles]

Good job micheal! my dad is just like you from what I have read and you mom sounds like mine. My mom has put my dad through hell and back plus 2 backrupices. I have 3 brothers that were living with my mom and my dad payed chile support for all of us plus clothes, school stuff and crap like that. 7 years later we all live with my dad, my mom is free to do what she wants and my dad looks after us. He is a great dad and I love him alot. My dad does not like talking to my mom and only take to her when she calls for money ( even gives her money even thou we dont like with her cause he is sucks great guy).You are doing great and keep up the good work your son will be fine and I hope you will be too.

 

[ThunderGirl]

Micheal: you don't have to deal w/ her to see your kids. There are non profit groups that work w/ parents like the 2 of you. So that you never have to talk or speak to each other. It is much better for the child and the parents.

Basically what happens is one parent drops the child off like 10 mins before the other parent arrives. But they make it fun for the child so they don't feel all weird and stuff.

As far as the shrink goes I am sure she feels that she knows your son well enough now that you being involved will help him even more. Don't think he doesn't tell her things about you good and bad no different than things about his mom good or bad.

All I can say for her is just remember with out her you would not have your wonderful son you love so much. If nothing else keep that in mind and maybe it will make things a little easier to deal with her.

Woman don't always win more and more they lose in courts. My son (8) lives w/ his dad and it is not because I was an unfit mother or anything. Neither of us was a terrible parent. (we were never married) anyhow long story short, due to distance legal system didn't work how it normally would of. Son's health while w/ dad started to go bad, I decided it was best for HIM to let him go. Sometimes that is what a REAL parent has to do. (Stark maybe that is what your dad should have done). I feel sometimes the best way to show you love someone is to just leave them alone.

As far as court and things if you agree to meet w/ her she can if needed repeat what you have said to her as you are not her patient. Your child is and many times in court they reveal sessions between child and shrink. (based on my experience and knowledge)

I wish you the best of Luck Micheal. And why have you not thought of seeking Custody if not Joint custody? It would give you more rights and more grounds on her not pulling the stuff on you she does.


Just my .02

 

[sciencetoy]

Hey Michael - I've been there. I think I posted this before for you but if I didn't, check it out this board . They're having a little trouble with their boards, but it's worth putting up with the ads & cr*p. People who've never dealt with this don't understand.

Good luck & stay sane.