PARENTS: I need advice from you *EDIT - the man sets the record straight!*t)

[MichaelD]

This is not the best place to be asking this, but I've made a few friends here and I do value your opinions, so here's the story.

First, some background info, for those of you that don't know the story.

My six-year-old son lives with his mom. We were never married. We hate each others guts. I see my son every other week and never badmouth his mom in front of him. She has not extended that same courtesy, however and does say things about me in front of him (according to my son.) We have happy, productive visits that we both look forward to.

For the past year, his mom has been taking him to a child psychologist every other week. He had very bad behaviorial problems in kindergarten and was kind of out of control sometimes. He is not on drugs and they have no intention of putting him on any. He has gotten a LOT better and is doing well. He's a happy kid and it shows during my visits with him. I have never asked him about his doctor visits and he's never volunteered any info. So, I leave well enough, alone.

Here's the problem.

His mom called me today from the doctors office. They have decided to move him to a once-a-month appt instead of every two weeks. That's a great thing, right?

His next visit is in Sep. The doctor wants ME to be there this time. This is the first time she has requested my presence. I agreed to go.

My gut tells me that I should hide a mini-recorder on my person and record the entire session. You know that psychologists all record their sessions, right? So do I. I want to do this to protect myself.

His mom hates my guts and the feeling is mutual. We try to be pleasant for the sake of the kid. The pleasantness is more my doing than hers. She has met with the doctor every other week for a year now. God knows what she has told this doctor about me! Falsehoods, flat-out lies, propaganda, etc.

Now, I have nothing to hide, but I want to make sure that I won't be the one being examined, here. I am intending on recording this session to protect myself. Is this a good idea? I had originally planned on plopping the recorder on the table and saying "you won't mind if I record this session, right?" But I would imagine that would cause some probs.

What is your opinion, as parents. Also, you legal folks can chime in too. Don_Vito, you out there?

 

[ATLien247]

Protect yourself against what exactly?

 

[Mister T]

Originally posted by: ATLien247
Protect yourself against what exactly?

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: ATLien247
Protect yourself against what exactly?

My son's mom. She is the most evil person Satan ever accidently left behind. She has shown up at my job, cursed out my BOSS for hiring "such a scumbag." She has called my elderly, sick mother and upset her with false tales of neglect.

For instance, she has reported that I refuse to help out (money) with my son's extra-curricular activities. REALLY? Then how come Ihave copies of the cancelled checks I gave her with HER SIGNATURE from when she cashed them? That kind of stuff.

I want to record the session to ensure that her and the doc don't gang up on me in front of my kid, possibly setting me up for something in the future.

Screw it, I'm gonna do it.

 

[Stark]

maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

 

[PG]

I say go for it, and there must be some sort of positive spin you can put on your reason for wanting to tape the converstation. Someting like how you want to be able to listen to the doc's advice again later to make sure you didn't miss things, or how you don't want to forget any good advice.

 

[ATLien247]

Originally posted by: Stark
maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

And besides, there's this thing called Doctor-Patient confidentiality...

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Stark
maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

frankly, i don't think it's an unreasonable thought. the first thing i thought of when i read about the situation was "either set up or just checking to make sure you're not insane"

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Stark
maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

Got news for you, Oh Ostrich With Head Underground; those that don't cover there own ass wind up burying their own ass. You can take that to the bank. This women has repeatedly tried to bury me financially, emotionally and professionally. I trust her about as far as I can throw her. If you saw her, you'd realize that's not too far.

My son has problems b/c he has two parents that live apart and have VERY different rules and attitudes about life. This thread is about "yes or no" for the recording. Not about anything else. Crap someplace else.

 

[Mister T]

I would do it... if its legal record it secretly...
if not, place it on the table for everyone to see.

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Mister T
I would do it... if its legal record it secretly...
if not, place it on the table for everyone to see.

hehe, i'm not a parent, but i say go for it too. just make sure it's all legal, otherwise it might get thrown out in court

 

[Killbat]

All I want to know is why you're considering a tape recorder? You need one of these.

 

[Jzero]

While I've read a number of your posts referring to mom and her "activities," I'm having a tough time believing that the doctor is in cahoots with her and is somehow trying to conduct a smear campaign against you. It may not be a bad idea to see if you can record the session (perhaps call the doctor ahead of time so you don't look like a jerk during the session?), but I think you don't have anything to worry about. The psychologist is probably thinking he's been hearing 2/3 of the story for a year, and in order to provide the best help possible, he needs to finally hear the remaining 1/3.
Don't sweat it.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Stark
maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

frankly, i don't think it's an unreasonable thought. the first thing i thought of when i read about the situation was "either set up or just checking to make sure you're not insane"

I am honestly surprised that the doctor hasn't called me in sooner. Typcially, they interview the "estranged parent" or "the other parent" at least once. Personally, I think it's a setup. But if I say anything now, I'll look paranoid, which I am, but she doesn't have to know that. We'll see what happens.

 

[Mister T]

MichaelD,

I have been following your ordeal on and off with your son/ex... A little OT, but is getting custody of him a possibility... sounds like your ex is f'ing the kid up. He deserves better, and since you seem to be a better person than her, I am sure its crossed your mind

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Stark
maybe, just maybe there is a hint at the root of your sons problems in your thread?

the doctor wants you to take part in his treatment and the first thing you think about is protecting your own @ss. hmm...

frankly, i don't think it's an unreasonable thought. the first thing i thought of when i read about the situation was "either set up or just checking to make sure you're not insane"

I am honestly surprised that the doctor hasn't called me in sooner. Typcially, they interview the "estranged parent" or "the other parent" at least once. Personally, I think it's a setup. But if I say anything now, I'll look paranoid, which I am, but she doesn't have to know that. We'll see what happens.

man this is tough... you gotta do it because otherwise they can spin it to make it look like you don't care about your children, but if you do it you have to be really careful. meh. maybe bring a lawyer along?

i admire your restraint, i think i would have been moved to homicide at this point.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Jzero
While I've read a number of your posts referring to mom and her "activities," I'm having a tough time believing that the doctor is in cahoots with her and is somehow trying to conduct a smear campaign against you. It may not be a bad idea to see if you can record the session (perhaps call the doctor ahead of time so you don't look like a jerk during the session?), but I think you don't have anything to worry about. The psychologist is probably thinking he's been hearing 2/3 of the story for a year, and in order to provide the best help possible, he needs to finally hear the remaining 1/3.
Don't sweat it.

You are a very intelligent and reasonable man. My logical brain wants to agree with you. Especially about the 2/3 vs. 1/3 part. That just makes sense. But, I've bitten multiple times by this woman. She's not to be trusted. I have a lot to lose should something go awry.

If I call beforehand and ask if it's OK for me to record the session, of course they'll say no. That's the problem. I'll have to sneak it in.

 

[MichaelD]

man this is tough... you gotta do it because otherwise they can spin it to make it look like you don't care about your children, but if you do it you have to be really careful. meh. maybe bring a lawyer along?

This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about with regards to her being slick and evil!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!! She puts me in these no-win positions.

I will go. I will be cool under fire. I am good at that. It's hard to make me sweat. Good poker face and all that. All the while, the tape will be running....

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Well why not if it would help you to feel better, then maybe you'd be able to concentrate on helping your son instead of who is or might be out to get you.

 

[SnapIT]

I am a parent, i have been in almost exactly the same situation....

I got screwed badly, what happened was that i was set up, she abused me vocally and i didn't take it, i gave what i got and the psychologist agreed with her statement that i am violant...

Nothing ever came out of it though because we all (me, ex wife, both of my children) went to a psychologist the court appointed, and he basically said that i was normal, safe, responsible...

I got custody of both of them now...

I would say... bring the recorder...

 

[NogginBoink]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: Jzero
While I've read a number of your posts referring to mom and her "activities," I'm having a tough time believing that the doctor is in cahoots with her and is somehow trying to conduct a smear campaign against you. It may not be a bad idea to see if you can record the session (perhaps call the doctor ahead of time so you don't look like a jerk during the session?), but I think you don't have anything to worry about. The psychologist is probably thinking he's been hearing 2/3 of the story for a year, and in order to provide the best help possible, he needs to finally hear the remaining 1/3.
Don't sweat it.

You are a very intelligent and reasonable man. My logical brain wants to agree with you. Especially about the 2/3 vs. 1/3 part. That just makes sense. But, I've bitten multiple times by this woman. She's not to be trusted. I have a lot to lose should something go awry.

If I call beforehand and ask if it's OK for me to record the session, of course they'll say no. That's the problem. I'll have to sneak it in.

Do yourself a favor and check with a LAWYER (not atot folks) to verify the legality of doing so. Recording the conversation illegally may cause more problems than it could prevent.

Best of luck to you. Please let us know what happens.

 

[Stark]

I have a lot to lose should something go awry.

what, exactly, do you have to lose? Weren't you just compaining about your love life? Is this kid's mom one of the women you told you would marry before you dumped her to raise a child alone? Did you get the ring back at least?

I don't know you, but you sound a lot like my dad. He thought he was a great guy for giving my mom $300 bucks a month when the court mandated child support was closer to $800... but he had to have a nice car, apt. and girlfriends. The DA wasn't good at enforcing payments back then, so my mom busted her butt to raise my brother and I. She's still pissed at him, and I don't blame her.

In my dad's mind, he always comes first. Everything in his life revolves around him getting what he wants.

The last time I saw my dad was in the emergency room at County-USC hospital in downtown LA after he fell down a flight of stairs in a drunken stupor and somehow severed an artery with the beer bottle he was carrying. It really sucks to have a loser for a father... so I can relate to what your kid is going through.

 

[Jzero]

If I call beforehand and ask if it's OK for me to record the session, of course they'll say no. That's the problem. I'll have to sneak it in.

True, true. Problem is if you sneak it in and there's some legal crap, even though you have the recording, it still might not be legally admissible.
OTOH, my logic dictates that if HE (the psychologist) can record the session, then anyone present should be able to record it.
Not that laws always follow logic....

*sigh*

 

[bigjack]

Originally posted by: ATLien247
Protect yourself against what exactly?

 

[SnapIT]

Originally posted by: Stark

I have a lot to lose should something go awry.

what, exactly, do you have to lose? Weren't you just compaining about your love life? Is this kid's mom one of the women you told you would marry before you dumped her to raise a child alone? Did you get the ring back at least?

I don't know you, but you sound a lot like my dad. He thought he was a great guy for giving my mom $300 bucks a month when the court mandated child support was closer to $800... but he had to have a nice car, apt. and girlfriends. The DA wasn't good at enforcing payments back then, so my mom busted her butt to raise my brother and I. She's still pissed at him, and I don't blame her.

In my dad's mind, he always comes first. Everything in his life revolves around him getting what he wants.

The last time I saw my dad was in the emergency room at County-USC hospital in downtown LA after he fell down a flight of stairs in a drunken stupor and somehow severed an artery with the beer bottle he was carrying. It really sucks to have a loser for a father... so I can relate to what your kid is going through.

That is a pretty rough statement considering YOU DON'T KNOW HIM!! :|

Your little story would include me too then, now wouldn't it, except i got custody of my children after she took me to court... i am getting riled up here, but just because ignorant dumbass comments like this regarding people you do not know just proves ignorance and refusal to see another side...

You Stark may have had a looser for a father, that doesn't mean that Michael is a looser and if you don't think he is, how can you relate to his kids?