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Parents: Did having children destroy your social/romantic life?
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I'll echo this.
I have a 2 yr old daughter and a 6 month old son. No, you don't have much of a social life when they're this small.....nor should you. By having kids, you trade in your rights to go clubbing every weekend. Once in a great while it's okay to get a sitter and go out, but really...the whole point of life is to live and procreate. The club scene is simply an opening act to having a real life.
But it isn't bad at all....you won't want to go out, you'll want to spend time watching them grow up.
It's the best thing in the world, IMO.
thomsbrain
Lifer
haha, good post
Meh, I don't think the place is THAT bad, my little cousins had their parties there a few months ago, and it was annoying and loud at times, but honestly the kids were off playing and you could just sit back and talk. Fun for an adult? Not a great experience full of pleasure, but it wasn't like going to the dentist or anything. 🙂
rudder
Lifer
You have to decide what most important in your life. Theres always babysitters and relatives (particularly grandmothers) who allow you to have a night out.
But if you are expecting to be able to socialize to the wee hours in the morning and as many nights during the week as you want, I would recommend you keep your girlfriend on birth control as you will probably make a terrible parent.
But if you are expecting to be able to socialize to the wee hours in the morning and as many nights during the week as you want, I would recommend you keep your girlfriend on birth control as you will probably make a terrible parent.
Yes it will change that, any anything else that inolved lots of free time. That's part of the sacrifice. If you aren't mature or responsible enough to accept that, then don't have kids (yet). If you can compromise and have good family/friends who can sit for your kid, then you can still do those things, just less often.
Having a kid will also increase your stress many times, and then they'll do things that are so awesome you'll wonder why you waited so long.
Oh, and if you liked sleep, see first part above. 😛
Anyway, there's never a perfect time to have kids, so, if you want them, figure on a 18-25yr break on your social life. Then you can hit the early bird buffets with all your senior friends like the good 'ol days and still be back before it's too dark to drive and catch the evening news.
rh71
No Lifer
life works in phases. The club/nightlife thing should phase out a few years after you graduate college... you look to get married and start a family... then you raise kids. If you're approaching 30, you should start thinking about kids if indeed you want to ever have any. That's my opinion. My wife still does the club thing about once every month (less now that it's winter)... and she's 28. We're gonna have to move on soon. I don't think it's good to try having kids after 35.
On the same token, we have a lot of friends who are couples but hardly any are even engaged yet. I was engaged at 25 and they are approaching 30. At this rate, they won't have kids until around 35 or older.
On the same token, we have a lot of friends who are couples but hardly any are even engaged yet. I was engaged at 25 and they are approaching 30. At this rate, they won't have kids until around 35 or older.
iversonyin
Diamond Member
Thats not your opinion, thats more like a social standard that get pounded in our head. Society has changed, you are free to do what you want. You don't have to go through that phrase if you don't want to.
StageLeft
No Lifer
It changed our relationship, as skoorbaby has become the centre of our home life. Only recently have we come up with the idea of a babysitter, so that we can go out. Of course that's expensive, but we'll be doing it more often.
Of course we're glad we had skoorbaby (parents have to say that, but it is true!). My free time has been annialated. I define free time as time I have to myself to do whatever I want, like watch tv or play a video game without being distracted. Last week it was about two hours, tops (generally on the weekend, in the morning, before everybody else wakes up. Doing late at night works too, but I work out too early for that). I know a guy with three kids who finds a couple of hours a night for video games, but that's at the cost of ignoring his kids, which is totally deplorable to me. Skoorbaby slept a lot originally, so my free time was not so affected, but with her sleeping less during the day, she now needs constant supervision/attention!
Socially it's not changed all that much, since we bring her out. We've been to one movie since last summer (got a baby sitter), so going to movies basically won't happen. You will not be going to bars with a baby, either. We have had zero problems taking her to friends' houses or out to dinner or anywhere else. I knew a guy who said that in India (maybe just in his town) newborns are kept inside for three months to protect from the environment. That's garbage. We had skoorbaby out of the house doing chores when she was 5 days old. Starting her off early has made her easily manageable in different environments with different people.
So you can do things, but they have to be kid compatible. The nightlife is not.
You can do what HappyPuppy is talking about, which a lot of parents do. If you're like the father I mentioned above, you can even buy a nintendo for your 5 year old son and put him in front of it for _hours and hours on end_. Of course, his social development will be stunted and he'll be unable to properly deal with kids his own age (as this one cannot).
For me, to dwell on the negatives, three things come to mind:
1) Money. Skoorbaby costs us well over $1200/month take-home money.
2) Relaxation is not predictable. You can't go home after work and sit in front of the tv for a while, or go to bed when you want, or do other things without the constant possibility of it being broken up by a baby. Only recently have we had the chance of getting a full night's sleep without it being broken up by crying.
3) Every time you hear about something crappy in the world that somebody did to somebody else you fear about if it could happen to your child.
We knew it all going in, and so realize that you will lose your time that you currently take for granted. When was the last time we sat at home and watched a movie through, without it being broken in the middle? Well, back before skoorbaby was born. Pause button is your friend.
Of course we're glad we had skoorbaby (parents have to say that, but it is true!). My free time has been annialated. I define free time as time I have to myself to do whatever I want, like watch tv or play a video game without being distracted. Last week it was about two hours, tops (generally on the weekend, in the morning, before everybody else wakes up. Doing late at night works too, but I work out too early for that). I know a guy with three kids who finds a couple of hours a night for video games, but that's at the cost of ignoring his kids, which is totally deplorable to me. Skoorbaby slept a lot originally, so my free time was not so affected, but with her sleeping less during the day, she now needs constant supervision/attention!
Socially it's not changed all that much, since we bring her out. We've been to one movie since last summer (got a baby sitter), so going to movies basically won't happen. You will not be going to bars with a baby, either. We have had zero problems taking her to friends' houses or out to dinner or anywhere else. I knew a guy who said that in India (maybe just in his town) newborns are kept inside for three months to protect from the environment. That's garbage. We had skoorbaby out of the house doing chores when she was 5 days old. Starting her off early has made her easily manageable in different environments with different people.
So you can do things, but they have to be kid compatible. The nightlife is not.
You can do what HappyPuppy is talking about, which a lot of parents do. If you're like the father I mentioned above, you can even buy a nintendo for your 5 year old son and put him in front of it for _hours and hours on end_. Of course, his social development will be stunted and he'll be unable to properly deal with kids his own age (as this one cannot).
For me, to dwell on the negatives, three things come to mind:
1) Money. Skoorbaby costs us well over $1200/month take-home money.
2) Relaxation is not predictable. You can't go home after work and sit in front of the tv for a while, or go to bed when you want, or do other things without the constant possibility of it being broken up by a baby. Only recently have we had the chance of getting a full night's sleep without it being broken up by crying.
3) Every time you hear about something crappy in the world that somebody did to somebody else you fear about if it could happen to your child.
We knew it all going in, and so realize that you will lose your time that you currently take for granted. When was the last time we sat at home and watched a movie through, without it being broken in the middle? Well, back before skoorbaby was born. Pause button is your friend.
um duh? you know the answer... of course it does.... you can kiss anything but work and home goodbye for at least 3-5 years after that you might be able to get a sitter.... even then who really trusts a teenager with a 5 year old anyway =P
maybe if you can leave the kid with a nearby parent yours or hers.... even then thats not an every weekend type of thing where you can go clubbing...
squirrel dog
Diamond Member
Yes , its over when kids arrive . Its over for like 20 years .
rh71
No Lifer
Wow thanks for deciding which are my opinions. :roll:
It is indeed the way I think it should be done anyway, IF you want to have kids at all (you even quoted me on that part). And do you really want to try having kids at 40 given the biological issues that come into play as a woman ages ? My manager had a kid at 40+ and she said herself that she had a lot of reservations considering her age. Kids come around 30. That's my opinion on the best way to do it. My opinion was formed based on scientific / biological facts, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE KIDS AT ALL.
I mean, I think you know the answer to this question. Just think of all the responsibilities good parents must take on and then compare it with your social schedule. Maybe you have some friends who are already parents or maybe you could talk to you own parents? Get there take on how life is/was?
I think then you can really figure out what you're willing to give up but truthfully, I think that there shouldn't really be a question of what you give up and what you don't. I think that your kids should come first, and then if you have any time to spare, then you could squeeze time for going out and all that stuff.
I think before we get married that's the time to be selfish and do all the things that we want to do. After we have kids, I'm not saying that we shouldn't do anything we like, but I think that one's responsibilty should be to their kids first and their kids' dreams, helping them to achieve them, so we can give them a better start in life that we had ourselves.
:thumbsup: Same here. I would ratherspend time doing things with my kids while they are still young and for me that is what I find fulfilling.
Brigden if you aren't ready to severely curtail your clubbing then don't have a child yet. If you and your g.f./wife (if you get married) are on the same level you will find taking care of the child and as they get older, bringing them out to the park, birthday parties, etc. becomes something you can both do that brings a lot of joy to your life.
Homerboy
Lifer
WINNAR!
Once you have a kid, HAVE A KID. Don't try to live 2 lives. Not to say you cant still enjoy yourself, but you have to realize that that child is your #1 priority OVER EVERYTHING. Don't farm you kid out to sitters and daycar so you can have a little extra fun. That child is your fun.
You cant be a parent if you're still a kid yourself.
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