When you say it won't boot at 3.2 and you'd have to adjust your voltage to hit that speed, that was before you had set your memory to 1:1, correct?
So of course it wouldn't boot at 3.2, not because your cpu was too hot, but because you were overclocking the bejesus out of your ram. Think about it -- 3.2GHz means 400 fsb * 8, and with a 5:4 memory:fsb multiplier you were attempting to run your ram at ddr2-1000 (500 MHz) speed. Of course it wouldn't boot (unless you had some uber ram, but then you'd have had to run some uber voltage thru it :lightbulb

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Now that you know how to set the ram to 1:1 with the fsb (i.e. "700" with your current 2.8Ghz OC), you can hit 3.2GHz without overclocking your memory one drop. That's what I was trying to tell you b4. I think it's likely to be stable without raising the voltage.
As far as which strap, that's right, higher strap means higher latencies, so you want the lowest strap that allows you to overclock the cpu to your desired frequency stably.
What motherboard are you using, and what chipset does it have?