OT: Some courtroom quotes

[TAandy]

Courtroom quotes:

LAWYER: On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse
down the footpath to the cowshed?
WITNESS: I did.
LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond?
WITNESS: I did.
LAWYER: And did you observe anything?
WITNESS: I did. (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?
WITNESS: I saw George.
LAWYER: You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?
WITNESS: Yes. (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: Well, would you kindly do so?
WITNESS: He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.
LAWYER: His "thing"?
WITNESS: You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his pen!s.
LAWYER: You passed close by the duck pond, the light was good, you
were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Did you say anything to him?
WITNESS: Of course I did!
LAWYER: What did you say to him?
WITNESS: "Morning, George."

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."


LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina
show?
WITNESS: There were traces of semen.
LAWYER: Male semen?
WITNESS: That's the only kind I know of.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Don't care if you've heard them before, I haven't 😀

 

[GeoffS]

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

My favourite! lol... do you call your money 'bucks' over there?

 

[TAandy]

Originally posted by: GeoffS

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

My favourite! lol... do you call your money 'bucks' over there?

No, we use pounds (£) or quid as in £275 quid, same as you would be if we hadn't lost the colonies 😛 😀

 

[amdxborg]

lol Cool Andy!! 😀

 

[Wolfsraider]

LOL Thanks man Made my day 🙂

 

[TAandy]

Originally posted by: Wolfsraider
LOL Thanks man Made my day 🙂

You're welcome 😀
Gave me a bit of a smile when I read them 😀 😀

 

[TAandy]

Morning George 😀 😀 😀: 😀 😀 😀
That one cracks me up :beer:

 

[Spacehead]

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

:laugh:

 

[CheesePoofs]

😀 Thanks!

 

[networkman]

Originally posted by: TAandy

Originally posted by: GeoffS

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife £275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

My favourite! lol... do you call your money 'bucks' over there?

No, we use pounds (£) or quid as in £275 quid, same as you would be if we hadn't lost the colonies 😛 😀

Hehe.. always good to hear from friends across the pond. 🙂

 

[BlackMountainCow]

😛

"Morning George", that's just great!