Just to put a smile on everyone's face!
These were sent to me by my sister!
Cars of the world.....
AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill
SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
MALE RULES
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
# 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
# 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
# 1. Crying is blackmail.
# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!
# 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
# 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Please pick one.
# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.
# 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you
hear it.
# 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
# 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
# 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer, but still love you.
# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
# 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what Mauve is.
# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
# 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like if
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
# 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really, you look fine!!!
# 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
# 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Paf
These were sent to me by my sister!
Cars of the world.....
AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill
SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
MALE RULES
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.
# 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
# 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
# 1. Crying is blackmail.
# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!
# 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
# 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Please pick one.
# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.
# 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you
hear it.
# 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
# 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.
# 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer, but still love you.
# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
# 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what Mauve is.
# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
# 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like if
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
# 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really, you look fine!!!
# 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
# 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Paf
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