Opinions wanted on relationship situation

[bigvince]

ISLA

im saying why waste my time searching for an over-romantisized(sp?) ideal? Love, for whatever it's worth, exists in the minds of the people who belive that there in love. I've been in love a couple of times, and i have found it to be an excercise in futility and pain. every time that i fall in love with a girl it ends up being a power struggle ultimately ending in heart ache. mabey im being pessimistic but it has happend every time without fail, and your right ISLA life is too short to not expericance love but it is also too long to suffer the pain that comes with it.


*smashing rose colored glasses*

 

[Isla]

Ah, bigvince...

I am in the same boat as you. My illusions of love were smashed long ago... more than once, actually.

I think we mean the same thing, we are just speaking slightly different languages.

 

[Ulfwald]

I once was in you boat too Sgt. I was in a relationship with a young lady, we were to be married then she ended it suddenly. I reacted much the same way. I actually sat down one day with my uncle who is a counsler, and a minister. He said that my problem was that I wanted to get close again, but was not only afraid of being hurt, but also because I was with someone for so long, that I actually felt guilty about sharing my love with someone else. Only time and support from this wonderful lady will heal what is going on. Now what I went through may not be the same thing, but it sure sounds close.

 

[AndrewR]

Sgt.Speculum: Does she know you use that name? Glad to see you back after a long non-posting absence, though I wish it were under better circumstances.

Judging from your last post, I'd say you definitely need to see someone professionally, at least for an evaluation. It sounds like things have taken a large turn for the worse fairly recently, and that you are suffering from at least mild, if not more severe, depression. I've been there myself, and it's not fun and is definitely cause for seeking help, which you are doing here but which is of limited value (sorry, folks!).

It seems like you are taking the right course of action with this new girl (who sounds like an angel to be so understanding, such a rarity), but you need to take care of yourself and your issues before drawing her too deeply into them, which is unfair to her and to you both. Best of luck to the two of you.

 

[Fathom5]

Sounds like you've gotten some good advise Sgt., I can sympathize as I'm going through a separation and divorce and sooner or later will start dating again. Just the thought of starting down that road again gets me anxious.


Best of luck.

 

[Sgt.Speculum]

Ulfwald,

Thanks for your insight, the thing that you said about feeling guilty about sharing love with someone new is true. I actually have incredible guilty feelings after we are intimate. Usually that's when I feel it the most.

AndrewR,

Thanks for your opinion as well. I have not ruled out depression, and I will try not to drag her into this with me. It isn't fair as you said. Hopefully she will be understanding and give me the chance to work through my problems and not be scared off by them.

Fathom5

Welp, it's time to get your ass back out there, let me tell you it is not fun. I remember right after my fiancee left me and all i could think about was having to go through all of the BS all over again. Finding someone new, the realization that you'll have to go through all those awkward moments again(i.e. sexual inadequacies etc.). Even the thought of it made it feel like someone hit me in the head with a steel pipe. It actually feels like too much work, the thought of it exhausts me. BUT, there have been a couple of moments of realization, once I hooked up with a girl that was beautiful at a conference for the evening. We just kissed, but remember, the first kiss? How soft and passionate they were? How many years has it been since you've actually kissed another woman besides your wife? Now that feeling is awesome! How about some woman who you have only just met tell you that you have sexy eyes, or a beautiful smile? tell you that you are handsome or even say you are hot? These are things that make it all worthwhile. Sure it seems daunting, but man, wait until some of things happen to you! You'll be flying!

Thanks again everybody, I love you all. Oh and by the way, I just called the counselling center at school and I have an appointment for this thursday at 2pm. Just making that phonecall made me feel a huge relief.

 

[Fathom5]

<< How many years has it been since you've actually kissed another woman besides your wife? >>



Over 17 years. :Q



<< Now that feeling is awesome! How about some woman who you have only just met tell you that you have sexy eyes, or a beautiful smile? tell you that you are handsome or even say you are hot? >>



Uh,oh. (Note to self: make appointment to get that &quot;Quasimodo&quot; hump removed)

Thanks Sgt. those thoughts are both intriguing and scaring the sh!t out of me!