Opinion of my writing

[LordRaiden]

I've got posted on my website a short snippet of a story I've been working on for a long time (very large novel) that I'm looking for an opinion on. It's still rough draft, so it's a tad "messy" in writing terms. But I want your opinions of what you think of this snippet. I'll release more for you to read if you like this. Feedback is very welcome. Good, bad, or otherwise. I want to know what you think of it. It's writen as a fantacy fiction story. Dragons, mages, the whole nine yards.

Here's the link to the story tidbit.

 

[TuxDave]

What's a greblin and ork? Do you mean Goblin and Orc?

 

[amnesiac]

Paragraphs too long.
You should indent->new paragraph with speech.

 

[LordRaiden]

They're close. They're both explained at another place in the book. A greblin is like a very demonic goblin (more than normal) with a little troll thrown in for good measure and an Ork is just my spelling of Orc so as not to intrude on Mr. Tolkeins works. Plus I wanted unique charecter names.

 

[Reel]

I like the story but I'm not too keen on some of your word choices. I think if you put in a couple of revisions it could be very good. A couple of things that stood out to me in the first 2 lines:

bits and pieces

too cliche

Just between the small group

that starting just feels wrong

It is little things like that but otherwise, I do enjoy it.

 

[AreaCode707]

Some spelling and several grammatical errors. Work on making your sentences shorter and clearer. You have a fair use of dialogue; improve your descriptions of scene and action. The passage about them fighting over the meat was too drawn out, since it was only really intended to be an introduction to the real tension of the excerpt. Consider what else you could do to heighten the tension.

<---literary agent.

 

[Reel]

Originally posted by: HotChic

<---literary agent.

What does one do as a literary agent?

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: ReelC00L

Originally posted by: HotChic

<---literary agent.

What does one do as a literary agent?

Sells unpublished works of literature to editors at publishing companies.

 

[LordRaiden]

Wow, cool. Might look you up after I get one of my books edited and ready. Most are rough draft still or 1st and 2nd revision. Nothing ready to go into your capable hands.

But then again back when those original 13 were written I had plenty of time to get them written, just nobody to edit them. I do now though. Well, sorta.

 

[AreaCode707]

I've been working as a reader and just got promoted to an agent for LitWest, LLC. Anytime you want to look us up and send something in (hard copy), go for it.