Only children of ATOT - do you like being an only?

[njdevilsfan87]

My son is a little over 2. Decision time is in the next few months. So I want to ask you only children of ATOT, do you like being an only? Do you care much that you don't have any siblings?

 

[BoomerD]

Did I LIKE it? It's one of those "both sides" things.
Not having someone to play with when, for whatever reason, I couldn't go outside sucked...lots of little things that having a brother or sister MIGHT have made better...

BUT, at the same time, being an only child...I didn't have to share anything...I was (and still am) spoiled as hell...my wife had to teach me how to share...and having friends with brothers and sisters, I didn't have to deal with all the sibling rivalry bullshit.

 

[Zeze]

When older it doesn't matter much.

When younger - it IS bit tough - my kids play together all the time (2 yrs apart very young kids). If I only had one, she'd be just.. alone unless we have playdates or the parents pay attention.

 

[ponyo]

I wasn't only child but now I'm parent of only child. I regret not having more kids when we had the chance. I was too concerned with whether we could afford another kid. Reality is I was just selfish and didn't want the burden of raising another child.

 

[sdifox]

I thought you had a question for people on ATOT that consider themselves children.

 

[purbeast0]

We got pregnant with our second kid when our son was like 2.5 years old which was perfect in my eyes.

Then my wife had a miscarriage and we lost the baby early on in December 2017

We didn't get pregnant again until about 14 months later.

Then we lost the baby again in an early miscarriage right after our son turned 4 in March 2019.

Then in November 2019 we got pregnant again. After a scare of yet another early miscarriage, our second son was was born in August last year.

They are about 5.5 years apart. It's good and while I wish they were born closer, nature had other ideas and it wasn't possible. It's nice that our older son is old enough to help out and stuff. He is a great big brother and already wishes he could play more with his younger brother. He is starting to though since our second son is almost 10 months old now and much more interactive and mobile.

I will say though during the pandemic, I really wish he had a sibling to play with. Thankfully a couple weeks into the pandemic we met a bunch of people at the bottom of our street who had a bunch of kids his age and everyone was in their own little bubble and he had friends to play with now during the pandemic. Without that it would have been painful. And my son is very good at playing by himself but it gets old.

We're done having kids though. 2 is the perfect number in our eyes so unless there is some sort of accident, we're only having 2. Considering how hard it was for us to have a second, I would be shocked if we had an accident. I'll probably get snipped at some point though.

If I could do it all over, we would have tried to have another kid basically back to back. One is because they would be able to play together from very early on. And two because getting it out of the way and out of the baby phase all at once would have been better. It kind of sucks going back into the no sleep/diapers phase again after being out of it for years.

 

[brianmanahan]

it's usually pretty easy to tell when someone is an only child

 

[bbhaag]

We got pregnant with our second kid when our son was like 2.5 years old which was perfect in my eyes.

Then my wife had a miscarriage and we lost the baby early on in December 2017

We didn't get pregnant again until about 14 months later.

Then we lost the baby again in an early miscarriage right after our son turned 4 in March 2019.

Then in November 2019 we got pregnant again. After a scare of yet another early miscarriage, our second son was was born in August last year.

They are about 5.5 years apart. It's good and while I wish they were born closer, nature had other ideas and it wasn't possible. It's nice that our older son is old enough to help out and stuff. He is a great big brother and already wishes he could play more with his younger brother. He is starting to though since our second son is almost 10 months old now and much more interactive and mobile.

I will say though during the pandemic, I really wish he had a sibling to play with. Thankfully a couple weeks into the pandemic we met a bunch of people at the bottom of our street who had a bunch of kids his age and everyone was in their own little bubble and he had friends to play with now during the pandemic. Without that it would have been painful. And my son is very good at playing by himself but it gets old.

We're done having kids though. 2 is the perfect number in our eyes so unless there is some sort of accident, we're only having 2. Considering how hard it was for us to have a second, I would be shocked if we had an accident. I'll probably get snipped at some point though.

If I could do it all over, we would have tried to have another kid basically back to back. One is because they would be able to play together from very early on. And two because getting it out of the way and out of the baby phase all at once would have been better. It kind of sucks going back into the no sleep/diapers phase again after being out of it for years.

Don't worry its not all bad man. My wife and I went through a very similar situation as you and your wife. We have two sons a little over 5 years apart. Our oldest is 19 and our youngest is 14. We wanted them closer in age as well but like you said mother nature had other plans.....I will tell you it does suck going back to diapers and no sleep after a 5 year reprieve but it does get better after time.
Also don't expect your oldest child to play this nice forever. The newness is still there for them but after a couple of years expect it to fade. The silver lining is that once they get older they will start to connect in a way that you and your wife always hoped for when they were young.

Anyway, this is getting a little long and a little personal but I just wanted you to know that others here have been through a similar situation and can empathize with what you are going through.

 

[Scarpozzi]

When older it doesn't matter much.

When younger - it IS bit tough - my kids play together all the time (2 yrs apart very young kids). If I only had one, she'd be just.. alone unless we have playdates or the parents pay attention.

That could depend though on how you look at it. My mother-in-law had 3 siblings. After her parents both passed, they only had each other. Her mother died when she was 18 and father went before that. She lost a brother 11 years ago to lung cancer. As much death as that is, there are still 2 sisters and a brother and they are the remaining family of their generation. They get together multiple times a year and vacation together, etc.

My wife is an only child. She's in a tough spot because her mom leans on her a lot as a 'friend' instead of a daughter. If my wife had a sibling (preferably a younger sister for my fantasies), it'd be easier on my wife to deal with her because the neediness would likely be dispersed.

 

[Zeze]

it'd be easier on my wife to deal with her because the neediness would likely be dispersed.

That dispersing only works if your sibling isn't an angry ungrateful POS.

 

[Scarpozzi]

That dispersing only works if your sibling isn't an angry ungrateful POS.

That's on the parents if they didn't take the kids to obedience school.

 

[ondma]

My son is a little over 2. Decision time is in the next few months. So I want to ask you only children of ATOT, do you like being an only? Do you care much that you don't have any siblings?

No, I didn't like it. Part of the problem is that my parents were very poor and in general just very unhappy people, so it is kind of hard to separate that from being an only child.
I am pretty introverted and not as assertive as I would like to be, and I feel having siblings when I was growing up would have helped overcome those tendencies.

 

[njdevilsfan87]

Reality is I was just selfish and didn't want the burden of raising another child.

That's pretty much where we are now. But it's not so much the burden but more the lack of having any help from any immediately family. I see so many other families around here with their multiple kids AND big support group. We don't have that unfortunately.

I love being a parent to my son. I'm just burned out from doing it 24/7. And I don't want to a have a second only to toss him or her into a daycare at a much younger age. Something that this country now deems "normal" because there need to be two working parents supporting a family (not our case).

I have siblings too but my dad... was never around. That's not what I want to become, even in the slightest bit. But I also need to have myself, a relationship with my wife, and I just don't see how the former two are possible with a second thrown into the mix, given we don't have that support group. And now that we finally have our first (now over 2 years old) attending a part-time daycare, those 9 hours a week give us some of that me and we time back.

Further down the line I also entertain the idea of actually continuing the relationship with my son as opposed to, "you two entertain yourselves in the back seat". Maybe it's because my dad and I had no relationship when I grew up.

So FWIW that's where all of this is coming from. There is some selfishness, but it's almost a necessary selfishness just to stay sane.

 

[MtnMan]

I am an only child.
My wife is an only child.
Our daughter is an only child.

Many advantages, but the most important is that we each are very confident independent successful people, who didn't waste our childhood competing for love, affection, new things, cloths, bikes, toys, or being "compared" to a sibling.

 

[nakedfrog]

Don't worry its not all bad man. My wife and I went through a very similar situation as you and your wife. We have two sons a little over 5 years apart. Our oldest is 19 and our youngest is 14. We wanted them closer in age as well but like you said mother nature had other plans.....I will tell you it does suck going back to diapers and no sleep after a 5 year reprieve but it does get better after time.
Also don't expect your oldest child to play this nice forever. The newness is still there for them but after a couple of years expect it to fade. The silver lining is that once they get older they will start to connect in a way that you and your wife always hoped for when they were young.

Anyway, this is getting a little long and a little personal but I just wanted you to know that others here have been through a similar situation and can empathize with what you are going through.

Yeah, I think mine were about 9 and 3 when they started having tiffs. Then the relationship changed again once the older one moved out.

 

[Captante]

Only children of ATOT

Didn't realize ATOT HAD children?


(should have pulled out!)

 

[hzl eyed grl]

I'm an only child. I'd always wanted a sibling/siblings. I liked having someone around to play with, and thought life would be much more fun with a brother or sister.

 

[Muse]

My brother was 5.7 years older than me and I was 5.7 years older than my sister. When there's that much time separation, your siblings are pretty useless as playmates. It would have been better to be only child, however, there's plusses to not being their only kid. I didn't feel that all their expectations for their offspring resting on my shoulders.

I think a lot of only children do great, based on what I've seen. Every situation is different.

 

[Charmonium]

It's hard to miss what you've never had, even so, I think you miss out on a tremendous amount of socialization. When you have siblings, they allow you to see such an incredibly vast panoply of ideas, experiences and interactions than you never would have known left to your own devices. Of course a lot of those things aren't necessarily beneficial and can shape you into someone you might not have been otherwise - both good and bad.

There are still some benefits to an emotional life that is fairly straight forward and doesn't involve competing with and being compared to siblings.

I think the make or break criterion is, are you and your partner prepared to give all of your children all of the love, support, encouragement and also wisdom that you can muster. Unfortunately, this is something that is only revealed after the fact and maternity wards are very strict about their "no returns" policy,.

 

[bbhaag]

I wasn't only child but now I'm parent of only child. I regret not having more kids when we had the chance. I was too concerned with whether we could afford another kid. Reality is I was just selfish and didn't want the burden of raising another child.

Don't go down the road of "what ifs and regrets" man......I remember you saying in the post a self pic thread that you are in your early to mid forties right? I also remember you posting about how awesome it is to be retired at such and early age correct?

Well the introduction of a second child might have made that impossible. Having children is expensive everybody knows this so with a second child to care for you most likely would not have had that extra money to invest in the market hence changing your life forever.

 

[ponyo]

That's pretty much where we are now. But it's not so much the burden but more the lack of having any help from any immediately family. I see so many other families around here with their multiple kids AND big support group. We don't have that unfortunately.

I love being a parent to my son. I'm just burned out from doing it 24/7. And I don't want to a have a second only to toss him or her into a daycare at a much younger age. Something that this country now deems "normal" because there need to be two working parents supporting a family (not our case).

I have siblings too but my dad... was never around. That's not what I want to become, even in the slightest bit. But I also need to have myself, a relationship with my wife, and I just don't see how the former two are possible with a second thrown into the mix, given we don't have that support group. And now that we finally have our first (now over 2 years old) attending a part-time daycare, those 9 hours a week give us some of that me and we time back.

Further down the line I also entertain the idea of actually continuing the relationship with my son as opposed to, "you two entertain yourselves in the back seat". Maybe it's because my dad and I had no relationship when I grew up.

So FWIW that's where all of this is coming from. There is some selfishness, but it's almost a necessary selfishness just to stay sane.

It sounds like you're not really onboard with having a second child. How does your wife feel? Her feeling is just as important as yours. Maybe even more so.

Don't go down the road of "what ifs and regrets" man......I remember you saying in the post a self pic thread that you are in your early to mid forties right? I also remember you posting about how awesome it is to be retired at such and early age correct?

Well the introduction of a second child might have made that impossible. Having children is expensive everybody knows this so with a second child to care for you most likely would not have had that extra money to invest in the market hence changing your life forever.

We all have regrets. That's part of life. But I don't dwell on it. I'm happy with where I'm at in life. My wife is as well. Our daughter is 18 and about to start college so we're pretty much done. The chance of my wife having another baby at her age is pretty slim. But it's not impossible. So you never know.

 

[Ken g6]

I think being an only child is great, right up until your elderly parents need caregiving and you're the only one who can do it.

 

[bbhaag]

We all have regrets. That's part of life. But I don't dwell on it. I'm happy with where I'm at in life. My wife is as well. Our daughter is 18 and about to start college so we're pretty much done. The chance of my wife having another baby at her age is pretty slim. But it's not impossible. So you never know.

You and I live by a different set of circumstances then. I live my life with no regrets. There is no looking backward on what could have been. Keep looking forward is the only way.

 

[ponyo]

You and I live by a different set of circumstances then. I live my life with no regrets. There is no looking backward on what could have been. Keep looking forward is the only way.

Everyone has regrets. You're lying to yourself if you say you don't. It's ok to say you have regrets. Doesn't make you less of a man. Life is a journey; we're going to make many mistakes we ultimately regret looking back. But you can't dwell on it and let it hold you back. You try to learn from it and move on.

Regrets and lessons I learned

One of my biggest regret was selling my Apple stock to buy pizza restaurant in 2002. I made lot of easy money trading stocks during the Dotcom bubble at a very young age. I quit my corporate job to trade stocks full-time. I became millionaire in my early 20s. I partied and traveled. Life was good, and I felt like a genius. Then the internet/tech stock bubble burst in 2000 and I went through some real tough patches. I was mentally devastated and even had the silly thoughts of suicide. When you go from nothing to millions to back down to almost nothing, you feel worse off than you did at the start even though you're pretty much back at the same place as before. Funny how the mind works. Looking back, I marvel that I didn't completely lose everything like Bill Hwang and end up owing millions to the banks. It's a miracle I didn't considered how leveraged I was during the crash. That could've easily happened.

After the big Dotcom tech crash, I gathered what was left of my money and decided to put everything I had into Apple stock in late 2000. Apple stock had recently gotten destroyed by the market after the G4 cube commercial failure. It was the first big product failure for Steve Jobs after his return to Apple. I felt Apple and Steve Jobs were completely misunderstood by the market and Apple stock was too cheap not to buy. Apple had $4 billion in the bank with no longterm debt and the company only had a market cap of $4 billion. To me that was insane because that meant Wall St was giving $0 valuation to Apple and only valuing the $4 billion cash it had in the bank. Total disrespect. Wall Street had basically given up on Apple and expected the company to keep losing money going forward. The hate and FUD by the media on Apple and Steve Jobs were insane. People were talking about Apple going bankrupt. People now don't realize how hated Apple was on Wall Street and the general public were back then. Every analysts hated it. You felt like the entire world was against you if you liked Apple stock. You were considered crazy.

But I knew Apple was fine. I bought 15,000 shares of Apple, putting all the money I had left after the Dotcom crash into Apple stock. I bought another 500 shares of Apple for my IRA. So I had total of 15,500 shares of Apple. This is all before the 2-1, 7-1, and 4-1 split in recent years. If I still had the 15,500 shares from back then, I would have 868,000 shares of Apple today after the stock splits worth over $109 million today. That's nine figures and forever altering the family tree type of money. Actually more considering all the dividend payments I would have received over the years. But I sold all my Apple shares in 2002 to buy pizza restaurant because I had recently gotten married and had a wife to support and a baby on the way. I felt the pizza restaurant could provide stability and steady income/job I needed to raise a family. Buying the pizza restaurant ended up being a huge mistake. Selling all my Apple stock in order to do so even a bigger mistake. But it was a good learning experience not to give up on a generational company. I would remember this lesson later.

Redemption and onward to Valhalla

Fast forward to 2018. Tesla stock is beaten down so I invest small amount of money into Tesla stock. Tesla is having huge problems with ramping the Model 3 production and market punishes them for it. I feel manufacturing problems are short-term and can be fixed. I start doing deep dive research into Tesla and am completely amazed at stuff I learn about Elon Musk and his company. I read and watch everything I can find on Tesla and Elon Musk. I did thousands of hours of research. Tesla and Elon remind me so much of Apple and Steve Jobs. I feel the public and the market completely misunderstood Tesla stock and grossly undervalued it considering their massive future potential.

Then Elon's take Tesla private tweet happens, he gets sued by SEC, Elon smokes weed in 2018. Tesla struggles early on in 2019 and Tesla is going bankrupt FUD overtakes everything. The amount of FUD and how relentless it was told me it was coordinated short attack by some rich backers who desperately wanted Tesla to fail. The FUD and hate by the media and Wall St of Tesla reminded me so much of Apple FUD back in 2001-2005. People on this forum and elsewhere all hate Elon and Tesla, and I can't believe the lack of truth about Tesla here or anywhere. Everyone takes the bogus FUD at face value without doing any fact checking or research. It was mind boggling and extremely frustrating trying to combat the FUD and educate people.

I hugely regretted selling my Apple stock and missing out on once in a generation company and massive stock price gains. I didn't want to have the same type of regret again with Tesla so I went all in on Tesla stock and options in the summer of 2019 at the height of the peak FUD when Tesla stock price crashed hard. I even used maximum leverage. But this time I made a promise to myself I would not sell Tesla early like I did with Apple. However, covid thing happened in early 2000 and I did end up selling Tesla early because of covid fears before I realized my mistake and bought it all back. Tesla ended up having crazy great year in 2020, and I was able to capitalize on major Tesla stock and option price gains. Tesla is the next Apple IMO, and I truly believe Tesla will eventually overtake Apple as the world's most valuable company. But to wrap up this story, Tesla stock has allowed me to retire and given my family complete financial independence. I owe my financial success to Tesla and Elon Musk. But I don't discount and dismiss the regret and lessons I've learned from selling Apple stock early and not truly believing in Apple and Steve Jobs. So not all regrets are bad just like not all mistakes are bad either. The important thing is to learn and move on and try not to make the same/similar mistakes in the future. Which is easier said than done.

 

[MtnMan]

I think being an only child is great, right up until your elderly parents need caregiving and you're the only one who can do it.

The wife and I are both only children, and this wasn't really an issue (all our parents are long gone). None of them "moved in" with us, that wasn't going to happen on many fronts. Nothing we did as they declined would have been mitigated by sharing it with a sibling. Actually we both shared it and supported each other during this time.