One Town's War on Gay Teens

[Atreus21]

This. From 5/6-10ish, I had no clue about Sex and Kissing was right out, but I knew I wanted to be near Girls. Around 12ish kissing and more became the goal. There was no confusion about me being Straight, although I had no clue what the term "Straight" meant.

I find the idea confusing that a kid can think he's gay at that age. Do (can) they naturally attract to their own sex at such a young age? I still thought girls were icky in kindergarten, and never really got around to being preoccupied with the opposite sex until my early teens.

 

[woolfe9999]

This. From 5/6-10ish, I had no clue about Sex and Kissing was right out, but I knew I wanted to be near Girls. Around 12ish kissing and more became the goal. There was no confusion about me being Straight, although I had no clue what the term "Straight" meant.

That's about right for me. I had no idea of kissing or anything sexual. It was their faces. I liked pretty girl faces, not boy faces.

 

[woolfe9999]

I find the idea confusing that a kid can think he's gay at that age. Do (can) they naturally attract to their own sex at such a young age? I still thought girls were icky in kindergarten, and never really got around to being preoccupied with the opposite sex until my early teens.

You may have thought kissing was icky. Or you might just not have been interested until later. Most people have crushes in grade school though.

 

[MotF Bane]

I knew I was straight in kindergarten. I had crushes on girls at that age. I even remember one of them. The funny thing is, I can say I knew I was straight at age 4 and no one will even blink, but if someone says they know they're gay at age 13, then something must be amiss.

Yeah, something is amiss. They've been indoctrinated in sinful homosexual propaganda, or there is an incestuous sexual abuse situation going on at home.

People disgust me.

 

[MotF Bane]

Isn't that your job as a parent, to make sure they learn how to handle criticism? Sticks and stones... You know the saying. I am teaching that to a 6 year old as of late, he freaks out if I call him a "jerk" like his life just ended. I could call him any other name in the book and he will just ignore me, but "jerk" is the one that sets him off. I'm trying to teach him that words don't hurt.

Physical abuse on the other hand is different, verbal abuse should be a non issue. I keep trying to teach him not to let verbal abuse bother him. He is the reason why the comment "jerk" bothers him, because he's letting it bother him. It should just roll off his shoulders no different if I called him "nerd."

Kids do funny things, mostly, they obsess about things they should not care about. Why should a girl care if a redneck punk bullied her by calling her "***." She should just think "Thats what rednecks do! I'm a better person because I'm not a redneck." They commit suicide because they can't handle the emotional trama by someone who is irrelevant to their lives. They need to learn that lesson, and it seems alot of parents are not preparing their kids for things like this.

I call the 6 year old a "jerk" more now even though he hates it, not because I'm trying to make him commit suicide, but rather make him realize that it doesn't matter. It's called
desensitizing. I can't image what he will do in school if another kid calls him "jerk." He will just freak out. That is not healthy, and will only introduce bullying to him, because kids will think its funny, and use it against him. Fortunately he hasn't run into anybody yet to call him a jerk.

And Justin, from the OP's story, got his balls grabbed and squeezed by another student, so clearly the abuse was not verbal only. Beyond that, there's a difference between verbal abuse from a handful of people, and verbal abuse from dozens of students as is indicated here. In most cases, the adults are also supposed to help, not turn away and ignore it, or even add to the torment themselves. Oh, and telling a young teenager to ignore bullying doesn't really work all that perfectly well.

 

[brandonb]

So years of verbal abuse from their peers and indifference by authorities compares to you calling a 6 year old a jerk. Not only they are ostracized by the community for the way they are, and you are ok with this. I guess we know which side of the bullying you are on, and I hope that 6 year gets turns out ok, because the deck is stacked against them knowing someone like you.

Jump to conclusions much?

 

[brandonb]

There is verbal abuse and there is verbal abuse. If someone were to call me stupid, or a jerk, or a run-of-the-mill insult, I wouldn't call that "abuse". Recurrent, calculatedly cruel abuse reinforced or ignored by one's peers is different. I can see a young child begin to believe the horrible things said about him or her if there is no bulwark to stand against it.



For that matter, why should the bully call her a *** in the first place?



I might agree if we were talking about adults. Adults have the mental prowess to know that most insults are masked admissions of insecurity. But the true understanding of that comes with experience, not instruction, I think.



DISCLAIMER: Not calling your parenting into question.

Do you reward the child when he responds to your fake insult in the way you want him to?

Reward is subjective, but I typically just say "Good! You see, words are just words, they don't hurt, do they?" He just says "But they hurt my feelings!" I say "But only because you are letting them hurt your feelings. Since I was mean and called you jerk, go ahead and call me any mean name you want." He will thing sort of laugh and giggle and say something like "You've got a big head! A big poop head!" I just smile at him... And I say "See! Words don't hurt me!" So maybe not the best method, but I turn the example of "jerk" into more of a fun experience where he can call me a bad name in return and let him see the response. Not sure of a better method of doing this.

 

[brandonb]

And Justin, from the OP's story, got his balls grabbed and squeezed by another student, so clearly the abuse was not verbal only. Beyond that, there's a difference between verbal abuse from a handful of people, and verbal abuse from dozens of students as is indicated here. In most cases, the adults are also supposed to help, not turn away and ignore it, or even add to the torment themselves. Oh, and telling a young teenager to ignore bullying doesn't really work all that perfectly well.

I know, I was a victim many times growing up (like us all, I'm sure.) My mom used to tell me to ignore them, it didn't work. I remember in high school once when I was in 9th grade or so that some kid kept poking me with his pencil in my neck as I sat in front of him randomly from time to time throughout the semester. But he was a jock type and I was intimidated by him, and ignored him like my momma said. Until he poked me hard enough where the pencil lead broke off and stuck in my neck. He started giggling and that set me off. I got up out of my desk, grabbed him by the throat and told him to never do something as stupid as that again. Luckily I had a peer help me out, a chick next to him told him if I didn't take care of it next time, she would, and if he wanted, they could settle it now. The kid sort of slumped in his chair and probably felt pretty stupid. He never expected a chick to challenge him (a mighty football player or whatever he was) to a fight (in which he could have won easily), but he was dumbfounded on how to respond. I never had an issue from the kid again. Moral of the story, ignoring is sometimes the worst thing to do because the bully will perceive it as weakness and will continue.

If I ran to the teacher, that would be tattling, and would also prove to the bully that I was weak and he is likely to continue. Sometimes the best method of dealing with bullies is to confront them, and deal with whatever the consequences may be. I learned that in school (eventually, it took awhile) but sometimes if you just stand up to them, they step down. I think it was 10th grade, maybe 11th, some kid shoved my head into the drinking fountain when I was drinking. I immediately just turned around and got into his face and said "If you want to fight, then lets fight..." and he said "I was just playing with you man..." But I ended up being friends with him later and throughout the rest of high school, and many years after (until he got married and disappeared.) Funny how that happens.

 

[Scooby Doo]

I know, I was a victim many times growing up (like us all, I'm sure.) My mom used to tell me to ignore them, it didn't work. I remember in high school once when I was in 9th grade or so that some kid kept poking me with his pencil in my neck as I sat in front of him randomly from time to time throughout the semester. But he was a jock type and I was intimidated by him, and ignored him like my momma said. Until he poked me hard enough where the pencil lead broke off and stuck in my neck. He started giggling and that set me off. I got up out of my desk, grabbed him by the throat and told him to never do something as stupid as that again. Luckily I had a peer help me out, a chick next to him told him if I didn't take care of it next time, she would, and if he wanted, they could settle it now. The kid sort of slumped in his chair and probably felt pretty stupid. He never expected a chick to challenge him (a mighty football player or whatever he was) to a fight (in which he could have won easily), but he was dumbfounded on how to respond. I never had an issue from the kid again. Moral of the story, ignoring is sometimes the worst thing to do because the bully will perceive it as weakness and will continue.

If I ran to the teacher, that would be tattling, and would also prove to the bully that I was weak and he is likely to continue. Sometimes the best method of dealing with bullies is to confront them, and deal with whatever the consequences may be. I learned that in school (eventually, it took awhile) but sometimes if you just stand up to them, they step down. I think it was 10th grade, maybe 11th, some kid shoved my head into the drinking fountain when I was drinking. I immediately just turned around and got into his face and said "If you want to fight, then lets fight..." and he said "I was just playing with you man..." But I ended up being friends with him later and throughout the rest of high school, and many years after (until he got married and disappeared.) Funny how that happens.

Ya... and get the living daylights kicked out of you.

 

[LumbergTech]

13 and 14 year old going around saying that they are gay?? WTF? How the hell have they made that decision and what the fuck are their parents doing about it?

??? I knew I was attracted to girls much earlier than that....what the hell are you talking about?

 

[soundforbjt]

I had my first girlfriend when I was nine.

 

[Carmen813]

What's really sad is that so many people ignore the negative impact that homophobia/heterosexism has on not only LGBT individuals, but straight as well. All forms of discrimination are lose/lose.