One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass.

[shortylickens]

True story.

He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room.

So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat.
And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?"

And he said to me, "Shorty, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?"
My cousin was a weird guy.

 

[EliteRetard]

 

[Spacehead]

Armageddon!!!

 

[brianmanahan]

i get it

 

[zinfamous]

True story.

He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room.

So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat.
And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?"

And he said to me, "Shorty, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?"
My cousin was a weird guy.

Randall, from Clerks.

screw you, shorty, ripping off Kevin Smith like that.

 

[zinfamous]

oh lol, that is awesome. I need to actually watch that show. I think I've seen maybe, 4 episodes and pieces of others.

 

[shortylickens]

Randall, from Clerks.

screw you, shorty, ripping off Kevin Smith like that.

YOU DUMB IGNORANT BITCH!

 

[brianmanahan]

one time i pooped and it hurt real real bad so i looked and the turd was much bigger than normal. i cut it in half to see what had caused this. wouldn't you know it? it had a smaller turd inside. just one of the many ways we're closer to chickens than we might think.

 

[allisolm]

They say it's a sign of senility when you repeat your stories.

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass.

True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and...

forums.anandtech.com

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Did I tell you about my mom and dad? Well, my mom and dad went on vacation down at Mammoth Cave, Kentucky. This was about...six years ago, I think. Seems like it was six, about six years ago...six or seven, possibly seven, could be. Somewhere in there, six, seven: more than six, less than seven. Let's call it six and a half. So my mom and dad went on vacation at Mammoth Cave, Kentucky, and my dad found a big rock. ...What he thought was a big rock; turns out it was a dinosaur turd. A petrified dinosaur turd, twenty-seven-pounder.

You know, now that I think of it, it might have been eight years ago. That would've been close to Y2K, wouldn't it? Remember Y2K? Whatever happened? Everybody was all worried about that; nothin' ever happened. Hahahahahaha. Big fuss...nothin' ever happened! You know? God, that's strange, you know? So let's say...we'll say it's eight years ago, it was either eight or five.

So my dad gave my mom this big turd; he said, 'Here, Mom, this is a big dinosaur turd; put it in your purse and take that home.' My mom said, 'Dad, I don't think this is a dinosaur turd; this thing is still warm. Whoever dropped this thing is still walking around in here, and we better get the f** outta this cave!'

Nine years ago! Nine. I know it was nine because my wife was pregnant with our first boy, Mak Mudi Ben'el Said ben Salaam. And he's ten now. ...Or is he? He's eleven, maybe he's eleven. He's either eleven or five.

And while all this is going on, you're searching through your mind for something diplomatic and tactical and graceful that you can say to help end the conversation. And all I can ever come up with is, "BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!" ...You know?

 

[zinfamous]

Ah, gaghalfront got it right in the first thread--it's Brodie from Mallrats. Not from Clerks. ....but same thing, basically.

 

[Lanyap]

My wife worked in the ER/ED early in her RN career. She said guys would come in with all kind of stuff stuck in their ass - candles, flashlights even light bulbs. The light bulbs were a real challenge trying to get them out without breaking.

 

[shortylickens]

My wife worked in the ER/ED early in her RN career. She said guys would come in with all kind of stuff stuck in their ass - candles, flashlights even light bulbs. The light bulbs were a real challenge trying to get them out without breaking.

I think thats what inspired the episode in Scrubs.

 

[snoopy7548]

My wife worked in the ER/ED early in her RN career. She said guys would come in with all kind of stuff stuck in their ass - candles, flashlights even light bulbs. The light bulbs were a real challenge trying to get them out without breaking.

Are you talking about the normal glass incandescent bulbs? Or night-light bulbs? If the former, I can't imagine how they get in without breaking...

 

[GrumpyMan]

n/m