- Oct 30, 1999
- 11,815
- 104
- 106
It's like dragging a man out of a bar kicking and screaming....
Ahh tempting fate! Why must I tempt fate?
We have this barebones PC that sometimes comes with modem drivers that listen for an Italian dial tone on the line, and thus reports back "no dial tone" unless different drivers are used. One of the indicators that someone is using the Italian drivers is that the modem goes onto COM5. The US drivers puts the modem on COM4. The correct drivers are often thrown in the box in the form of a floppy. If the customer doesn't get the floppy we can email it to the customer. We're a small shop and there's only three techs and we all work at the same bench, so we're all well aware of the issue.
I get the following email:
"We need two RMA's for modems that were received damaged in a barebones system."
DAMAGED!?! OMG! What happened??? I reply:
"Please let me know how the parts seem to be damaged."
I get a response:
"The modems do not dial out."
Oh... so they're not really damaged. Knowing the characteristics of our driver issue with this modem, I decide to probe for some information in an effort to help remedy the situation without having to swap out any parts.
"What COM port did the modems default to." knowing that if she said COM5 that she was using the Italian drivers.
She responds with the following. Dead serious this is verbatim:
"I am an A+ Certified Tech. I build computers for a living. I have bought four of your AMD 500MHz barebones systems of which two have had dead modems within a week. Installation software correctly installs them. Windows says they are there. Control panel applet says that they are functioning properly in the diagnotic mode, yet they still will not dial out. There is no dial tone.
We can play this e-mail tag as long as you want to, but when I say the modem is dead, I know what I'm talking about and it doesn't matter what COM port it is on. I've replaced these modems at a cost of $25.00 each to me and if I am to continnue purchasing systems from you, I don't need to play 20 Questions.
Issue me an RMA or I don't come back."
Oh my! What did I say to warrant THAT kind of response?
"As an A+ technician or not, you would not necessarily know about an issue we have had where a number of our units were shipped with drivers that "expect" an Italian dial tone. That's right, an Italian dial tone. They use a different dial tone in Italy than they do here in the states. The drivers will install correctly and Windows will run the diagnostic software as if the modem is functioning properly BECAUSE THE MODEM IS FUNCTIONING PROPERLY, but the modem will not dial out because it is not hearing the dial tone it thinks that it should hear. No quantity of certifications would prepare you for this kind of scenario.
Maybe if you had called the free tech support that we offer, you would have been able to use these modems after all and it would not be necessary to replace the modems at $25 per shot, but it seems that you feel that you are beyond tech suppoprt. I'm sorry that this is the conclusion you have come to, but at this juncture, I am not in the position to replace perfectly good equiptment and if we do get it back and it does work properly, it will get shipped back to you.
So the question still remains: What COM port does the modem install on? If you do not remember this, then please re install the modems that came with the machine and we will try to install them together, and it may very well be true that the only reason why these modems are not working is because the wrong drivers are being installed."
Maybe I was a little harsh. Then again, she was pretty harsh and definitely unwilling to accept assistance.
Now, you know when people get frustrated, they have a tendency to bend the truth a little....
Her response:
"COM port 5 and I did talk to Tech Support. They had no idea why it wouldn't work and told me to request an RMA and the modems would be replaced. No other machines will be purchased from you since you don't screen what you purchase for proper drivers and functionality."
Remember what I said, right? Here's my response:
"Ah! COM5. So they are the Italian drivers. All three of us in tech support know about this problem and also know that one indicator of the Italian drivers is that it puts the modem on COM5 so obviously you called the wrong number and not tech support, because ANYONE in tech support would have given you the RMA on the spot IF the problem was hardware related and not have you call or email back, because RMA and tech support and RMA are one of the same.
Of course, we sell thousands of units on a daily basis so you are correct, we are not going to screen every unit. To offer the low prices we offer, it's a sacrafice we have to make. One thing we do not sacrafice is free tech support. Something you chose not to utilize. Of course, the machines work perfectly otherwise, but yes... they came with the wrong driver. If this is what you are going to base your purchasing decisions on, so be it.
I will end this email with my typical "you have received the wrong drivers" text attachment as well as the correct driver for Windows 98 (if you need one for ME or Win 2K, let me know)."
I then attached the self extracting ZIP file as it was downloaded from the Taiwan website. Bad part about this is that the EXE is in Chinese, so I ALSO attached a TXT that explained what buttons to push and how to extract the files so even if you can not read Chinese, you can figure it out.
Here's the response I get to that email:
"Of course I speek and read Chineese.
As stated before your tech support told me they were bad, to goto the web site to get a RMA, and you are giving me a run around. You have done what you set out to do."
Sigh. She didn't even read my email because if she had, she would've seen the TXT that explains why the EXE is in Chinese. Now she's going to be sarcastic. She still keeps riding the lie about talking to tech support. Here's the holes in her story:
1. Talked to tech and didn't know what problem was.
Wrong. Techs know that when this modem is on COM5 that it's a driver problem.
2. Tech told her to get an RMA.
Wrong. Tech support is one in the same. A tech would have given her the RMA on the spot if they really thought the modem was bad.
3. Go to website and get an RMA.
We don't HAVE an online RMA. Probably never will because arrogant fscks will use it to try to ship back perfectly good equipment because they are too pompous to talk to a tech and find out what the real problem is.
I respond:
"Why am I going to give you a run around on a pair of $10 modems? It's certainly NOT worth MY getting frustrated over your stubbornness to give you a run around.
Why don't you just install the modems and get them on COM4 like everyone else seems to be capable of doing?
Why are you being difficult about this?
I don't think I am being difficult because I am giving you what you need to install the modems properly but you choose not to take my advice.
If the modem is on COM5 the correct divers are not installed. The correct drivers were attached to the previous email and to my knowledge you still have not used them.
I am sure you don't read Chinese, despite the clever sarcasm, nor do I EXPECT YOU to read Chinese, which is WHY I provided instructions as to WHAT buttons do WHAT in the WinRAR program attached.
If you are not capable of following these directions, I will make it even more simple. I will unzip the files and re-zip them in a .zip file format so you do not have to go through the "hassle" of running the EXE.
OUR tech support did not tell you the modems were bad because if they had they would have given you the RMA on the spot. We do not HAVE online RMAs so OBVIOUSLY you are mistaken about having called us. Why would a tech give you instructions to obtain an RMA online when we don't have online RMAs? If you actually called our tech support they would have asked you to try the modem drivers I am STILL insisting that you try.
If you still refuse to use those drivers, then you can send the items back, but there will be conditions.
I am prepared to issue an RMA, but there are conditions because of your refusal to accept tech support to possibly address a known issue.
These items can not be returned for refund because they are past 30 days.
The modems will be tested, and if they are good or exhibit any physical damage, you will be charged a $5 each bench charge and they will be sent back. If this is unacceptable, we will keep the modems for stock (if they are good) and no refund will be issued and no replacements will be shipped."
That should shut her up... or will it?
"You are missing the point these systems were purchased for resale which is why I replaced the modems before I dealt with your tech who did not know anything about what your are talking about. Am I supposed to call my customers and demand that they return their system so that I can fix somthing that to them is not broken?
The modem may have cost you $10.00, but I am out $25.00 each for the two Winmodems."
Ah! So the truth comes out... somewhat.
She replaced the modems BEFORE she called tech support. Hell, no I think it's clear that she NEVER called tech support. Why would she? If she already replaced the modems, and is not willing to install newer drivers at this juncture, and is expecting a refund for the modems, why would she even bother? As far as she's concerned, it's a done deal.
Besides, it's my fault she paid too much for Winmodems?
But alas, it's past 30 days and I said that I would no longer respond to her emails because there was nothing left to say.
Lost a good customer? Not hardly.
The two PCs are the only two things she EVER bought from us and they were bought on a dirt cheap blow out ($139 for a complete PC w/o CPU, RAM or HDD). IMHO she is rather a kin to the folks up in the Hot Deals forum that only buys from a company if they have a typo on their website or a coupon code that is $50 off of $50.
Hmm... I think that's how Mercata and Value America died. I think I can sleep at night knowing she's pissed off.
Ahh tempting fate! Why must I tempt fate?
We have this barebones PC that sometimes comes with modem drivers that listen for an Italian dial tone on the line, and thus reports back "no dial tone" unless different drivers are used. One of the indicators that someone is using the Italian drivers is that the modem goes onto COM5. The US drivers puts the modem on COM4. The correct drivers are often thrown in the box in the form of a floppy. If the customer doesn't get the floppy we can email it to the customer. We're a small shop and there's only three techs and we all work at the same bench, so we're all well aware of the issue.
I get the following email:
"We need two RMA's for modems that were received damaged in a barebones system."
DAMAGED!?! OMG! What happened??? I reply:
"Please let me know how the parts seem to be damaged."
I get a response:
"The modems do not dial out."
Oh... so they're not really damaged. Knowing the characteristics of our driver issue with this modem, I decide to probe for some information in an effort to help remedy the situation without having to swap out any parts.
"What COM port did the modems default to." knowing that if she said COM5 that she was using the Italian drivers.
She responds with the following. Dead serious this is verbatim:
"I am an A+ Certified Tech. I build computers for a living. I have bought four of your AMD 500MHz barebones systems of which two have had dead modems within a week. Installation software correctly installs them. Windows says they are there. Control panel applet says that they are functioning properly in the diagnotic mode, yet they still will not dial out. There is no dial tone.
We can play this e-mail tag as long as you want to, but when I say the modem is dead, I know what I'm talking about and it doesn't matter what COM port it is on. I've replaced these modems at a cost of $25.00 each to me and if I am to continnue purchasing systems from you, I don't need to play 20 Questions.
Issue me an RMA or I don't come back."
Oh my! What did I say to warrant THAT kind of response?
"As an A+ technician or not, you would not necessarily know about an issue we have had where a number of our units were shipped with drivers that "expect" an Italian dial tone. That's right, an Italian dial tone. They use a different dial tone in Italy than they do here in the states. The drivers will install correctly and Windows will run the diagnostic software as if the modem is functioning properly BECAUSE THE MODEM IS FUNCTIONING PROPERLY, but the modem will not dial out because it is not hearing the dial tone it thinks that it should hear. No quantity of certifications would prepare you for this kind of scenario.
Maybe if you had called the free tech support that we offer, you would have been able to use these modems after all and it would not be necessary to replace the modems at $25 per shot, but it seems that you feel that you are beyond tech suppoprt. I'm sorry that this is the conclusion you have come to, but at this juncture, I am not in the position to replace perfectly good equiptment and if we do get it back and it does work properly, it will get shipped back to you.
So the question still remains: What COM port does the modem install on? If you do not remember this, then please re install the modems that came with the machine and we will try to install them together, and it may very well be true that the only reason why these modems are not working is because the wrong drivers are being installed."
Maybe I was a little harsh. Then again, she was pretty harsh and definitely unwilling to accept assistance.
Now, you know when people get frustrated, they have a tendency to bend the truth a little....
Her response:
"COM port 5 and I did talk to Tech Support. They had no idea why it wouldn't work and told me to request an RMA and the modems would be replaced. No other machines will be purchased from you since you don't screen what you purchase for proper drivers and functionality."
Remember what I said, right? Here's my response:
"Ah! COM5. So they are the Italian drivers. All three of us in tech support know about this problem and also know that one indicator of the Italian drivers is that it puts the modem on COM5 so obviously you called the wrong number and not tech support, because ANYONE in tech support would have given you the RMA on the spot IF the problem was hardware related and not have you call or email back, because RMA and tech support and RMA are one of the same.
Of course, we sell thousands of units on a daily basis so you are correct, we are not going to screen every unit. To offer the low prices we offer, it's a sacrafice we have to make. One thing we do not sacrafice is free tech support. Something you chose not to utilize. Of course, the machines work perfectly otherwise, but yes... they came with the wrong driver. If this is what you are going to base your purchasing decisions on, so be it.
I will end this email with my typical "you have received the wrong drivers" text attachment as well as the correct driver for Windows 98 (if you need one for ME or Win 2K, let me know)."
I then attached the self extracting ZIP file as it was downloaded from the Taiwan website. Bad part about this is that the EXE is in Chinese, so I ALSO attached a TXT that explained what buttons to push and how to extract the files so even if you can not read Chinese, you can figure it out.
Here's the response I get to that email:
"Of course I speek and read Chineese.
As stated before your tech support told me they were bad, to goto the web site to get a RMA, and you are giving me a run around. You have done what you set out to do."
Sigh. She didn't even read my email because if she had, she would've seen the TXT that explains why the EXE is in Chinese. Now she's going to be sarcastic. She still keeps riding the lie about talking to tech support. Here's the holes in her story:
1. Talked to tech and didn't know what problem was.
Wrong. Techs know that when this modem is on COM5 that it's a driver problem.
2. Tech told her to get an RMA.
Wrong. Tech support is one in the same. A tech would have given her the RMA on the spot if they really thought the modem was bad.
3. Go to website and get an RMA.
We don't HAVE an online RMA. Probably never will because arrogant fscks will use it to try to ship back perfectly good equipment because they are too pompous to talk to a tech and find out what the real problem is.
I respond:
"Why am I going to give you a run around on a pair of $10 modems? It's certainly NOT worth MY getting frustrated over your stubbornness to give you a run around.
Why don't you just install the modems and get them on COM4 like everyone else seems to be capable of doing?
Why are you being difficult about this?
I don't think I am being difficult because I am giving you what you need to install the modems properly but you choose not to take my advice.
If the modem is on COM5 the correct divers are not installed. The correct drivers were attached to the previous email and to my knowledge you still have not used them.
I am sure you don't read Chinese, despite the clever sarcasm, nor do I EXPECT YOU to read Chinese, which is WHY I provided instructions as to WHAT buttons do WHAT in the WinRAR program attached.
If you are not capable of following these directions, I will make it even more simple. I will unzip the files and re-zip them in a .zip file format so you do not have to go through the "hassle" of running the EXE.
OUR tech support did not tell you the modems were bad because if they had they would have given you the RMA on the spot. We do not HAVE online RMAs so OBVIOUSLY you are mistaken about having called us. Why would a tech give you instructions to obtain an RMA online when we don't have online RMAs? If you actually called our tech support they would have asked you to try the modem drivers I am STILL insisting that you try.
If you still refuse to use those drivers, then you can send the items back, but there will be conditions.
I am prepared to issue an RMA, but there are conditions because of your refusal to accept tech support to possibly address a known issue.
These items can not be returned for refund because they are past 30 days.
The modems will be tested, and if they are good or exhibit any physical damage, you will be charged a $5 each bench charge and they will be sent back. If this is unacceptable, we will keep the modems for stock (if they are good) and no refund will be issued and no replacements will be shipped."
That should shut her up... or will it?
"You are missing the point these systems were purchased for resale which is why I replaced the modems before I dealt with your tech who did not know anything about what your are talking about. Am I supposed to call my customers and demand that they return their system so that I can fix somthing that to them is not broken?
The modem may have cost you $10.00, but I am out $25.00 each for the two Winmodems."
Ah! So the truth comes out... somewhat.
She replaced the modems BEFORE she called tech support. Hell, no I think it's clear that she NEVER called tech support. Why would she? If she already replaced the modems, and is not willing to install newer drivers at this juncture, and is expecting a refund for the modems, why would she even bother? As far as she's concerned, it's a done deal.
Besides, it's my fault she paid too much for Winmodems?
But alas, it's past 30 days and I said that I would no longer respond to her emails because there was nothing left to say.
Lost a good customer? Not hardly.
The two PCs are the only two things she EVER bought from us and they were bought on a dirt cheap blow out ($139 for a complete PC w/o CPU, RAM or HDD). IMHO she is rather a kin to the folks up in the Hot Deals forum that only buys from a company if they have a typo on their website or a coupon code that is $50 off of $50.
Hmm... I think that's how Mercata and Value America died. I think I can sleep at night knowing she's pissed off.
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