I came on here a little while ago, and a unnamed person (Farbio 
) asked where I've been lately, and if I had been playing any golf. I told him "After the famous 'Flaming Goose A La 480 volts', I decided to lay off of golfing. Its too dangerous for me " He did not seem to recall that incident, and I'm not really sure I've said it here before or not. So here it is...
Why Some People (Me) Should Not Play Golf
Incase you do not know, trouble seems to follow me when I play golf. The very last time I played actual golf was about 3 years ago. My three best friends and I decided to go play a round of nine holes. About half way through the game, noticing nothing has gone completely crazy, I said something to my best friend Matt. This spurred the chain of events which follow.
We were at the 7th hole. Matt played first, and hit a beauitiful drive. I was next. I swung the club and hit my golf ball really high on my club, sending it about a zillion yards straight up in the air. I lost it out of sight. 22 seconds later (According to Sarah, who claims she recorded the hang time of the ball with her watch) I noticed my ball drop on the ground about 5 feet from the tee. We laugh like hell, and I joke and say "Uh oh, here it starts!" to Matt as he started walking toward his ball.
I pick up my ball, put it back on the tee, and crack the ball as hard as I could. This ball takes off like a Howitzer slug. About this time was when I noticed the Canadian Goose flying over head. The ball hit this goose like a Mack truck. The goose let out a sound I will never forget. The best way I can explain it is to hold a water glass tight against your mouth, and yell "Bahwonk!" as hard as you can. This poor thing folds up, and starts to plummet to earth. On the way down, it hit a pole transformer for the golf course lighting system. Upon contact, the transformer explodes in a shower of sparks, and the remains of the goose hit Matt right square on the face, knocking him down and backwards, and cutting him under his left eye from a bone fragment or claw I guess. While falling, he falls over a piece of pipe that was in the ground, trips over backwards, and the pipe gets caught on the back of his pants and pulls his pants down to his knees, with both legs staight up in the air. Anyway, after I get up off the ground from horror/laughter/instinct, I notice...
1) I killed a goose with a golf ball.
2) I killed power to the whole golf course, and probably the entire power grid for Sharon Pa.
3) My friend is bleeding pretty bad.
4) Everyone is laughing like hell.
5) Electrocuted goose stinks so horid, it is impossible to explain.
6) Matt is practically mooning the entire golf course.
I ran up to Matt, and took my scorecard and taped it to his open wound with duct tape from my golf bag, which was previously holding most of it together. We gathered up our stuff, and went back to the clubhouse. We left the course, to see half of the flaming utility pole come crashing down, and almost take out the spectators who were prodding the remains of the goose. On the way to the hospital, we get a flat, and after we arrive, Matt received 8 stiches from "Charred Avian Remains" and got a lollypop after attemping to seduce the nurse (Who was a real hottie BTW)
That, people, was the last time in my life I ever played golf. If I can get a digital camera, I'll show you Matt's scar, and the piece of transformer housing I have from the incident.
Who wants to play golf with me?
) asked where I've been lately, and if I had been playing any golf. I told him "After the famous 'Flaming Goose A La 480 volts', I decided to lay off of golfing. Its too dangerous for me " He did not seem to recall that incident, and I'm not really sure I've said it here before or not. So here it is...Why Some People (Me) Should Not Play Golf
Incase you do not know, trouble seems to follow me when I play golf. The very last time I played actual golf was about 3 years ago. My three best friends and I decided to go play a round of nine holes. About half way through the game, noticing nothing has gone completely crazy, I said something to my best friend Matt. This spurred the chain of events which follow.
We were at the 7th hole. Matt played first, and hit a beauitiful drive. I was next. I swung the club and hit my golf ball really high on my club, sending it about a zillion yards straight up in the air. I lost it out of sight. 22 seconds later (According to Sarah, who claims she recorded the hang time of the ball with her watch) I noticed my ball drop on the ground about 5 feet from the tee. We laugh like hell, and I joke and say "Uh oh, here it starts!" to Matt as he started walking toward his ball.
I pick up my ball, put it back on the tee, and crack the ball as hard as I could. This ball takes off like a Howitzer slug. About this time was when I noticed the Canadian Goose flying over head. The ball hit this goose like a Mack truck. The goose let out a sound I will never forget. The best way I can explain it is to hold a water glass tight against your mouth, and yell "Bahwonk!" as hard as you can. This poor thing folds up, and starts to plummet to earth. On the way down, it hit a pole transformer for the golf course lighting system. Upon contact, the transformer explodes in a shower of sparks, and the remains of the goose hit Matt right square on the face, knocking him down and backwards, and cutting him under his left eye from a bone fragment or claw I guess. While falling, he falls over a piece of pipe that was in the ground, trips over backwards, and the pipe gets caught on the back of his pants and pulls his pants down to his knees, with both legs staight up in the air. Anyway, after I get up off the ground from horror/laughter/instinct, I notice...
1) I killed a goose with a golf ball.
2) I killed power to the whole golf course, and probably the entire power grid for Sharon Pa.
3) My friend is bleeding pretty bad.
4) Everyone is laughing like hell.
5) Electrocuted goose stinks so horid, it is impossible to explain.
6) Matt is practically mooning the entire golf course.
I ran up to Matt, and took my scorecard and taped it to his open wound with duct tape from my golf bag, which was previously holding most of it together. We gathered up our stuff, and went back to the clubhouse. We left the course, to see half of the flaming utility pole come crashing down, and almost take out the spectators who were prodding the remains of the goose. On the way to the hospital, we get a flat, and after we arrive, Matt received 8 stiches from "Charred Avian Remains" and got a lollypop after attemping to seduce the nurse (Who was a real hottie BTW
)That, people, was the last time in my life I ever played golf.
If I can get a digital camera, I'll show you Matt's scar, and the piece of transformer housing I have from the incident. Who wants to play golf with me?
Facebook
Twitter