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OMFG Scientology is hilarious

S

Sheepathon

Diamond Member
Xenu
Xenu (also Xemu) is a galactic ruler (of the "Galactic Confederacy") who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause problems today...

Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of people to paralyse them with injections of alcohol and glycol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections". The kidnapped populace was loaded into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space planes were exact copies of Douglas DC-8s. (artist rendition of "Space DC-8")
Click to expand...

It's even more ridiculous because it's like "enlightenment for a fee," and you have to pay to learn anything about scientology. Like 40 bucks for the first intro kit or something and then 4,000 for the next step, etc. The church of Scientology targets rich people and celebrities. Figures. Reading this stuff is like reading the Official Ninja Homepage, except even more hilarious because it's practiced by real people. Or is that sad...

Tax time is coming up. Beware, folks...THE GREAT IRS OVERLORDS COMETH!!!1!!one!!1!!

edit: now with South Park Episode link! 😀
 
Want to know what other religion is hilarious...?

THEY ALL ARE! Beliving in Scientology is no different then believing in Jesus, it's just that more people drink the Jesus juice then people who drink the Cruise cocktail.
 
Originally posted by: BrokenVisage
Want to know what other religion is hilarious...?

THEY ALL ARE! Beliving in Scientology is no different then believing in Jesus, it's just that more people drink the Jesus juice then people who drink the Cruise cocktail.
Click to expand...

Haha, at least Jesus was was a real person...right? :Q
 
The south park episode was wonderful - I saw a guy in the mall who had the "free stress test" and I nearly fell on the ground laughing. It's just too funny.
 
bingo, all religions esp the 3 major ones are hilarious. virgin births? spiteful gods etcc. make fun of scientology all u want, its not scientologists blowing themselves up in the name of xenu
 
Originally posted by: Sheepathon
Originally posted by: BrokenVisage
Want to know what other religion is hilarious...?

THEY ALL ARE! Beliving in Scientology is no different then believing in Jesus, it's just that more people drink the Jesus juice then people who drink the Cruise cocktail.
Click to expand...

Haha, at least Jesus was was a real person...right? :Q
Click to expand...


so was ron hubbard. doesn't make what they or their followers claim true.
 
Ditto everything already said.

Lets not forget most religions allowed/required payment from people if they wanted to join, wanted to reach heaven, or wanted to be forgiven so they could reach heaven.
 
Originally posted by: BrokenVisage
Want to know what other religion is hilarious...?

THEY ALL ARE! Beliving in Scientology is no different then believing in Jesus, it's just that more people drink the Jesus juice then people who drink the Cruise cocktail.
Click to expand...

Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
 
Ah there's so many dumb people...

I read there was this other religion where this guy supposedly made the whole universe, everyone and everything in it, but left not one shred of evidence to his existence, but loads to the contrary, just for fun! The clincher is, though, if you don't believe or worship him, he'll send you to this hideous place where people poke your ass with red hot pokers for eternity. People are stupid!

Always great for a laugh though.
 
Originally posted by: loic2003
if you don't believe or worship him, he'll send you to this hideous place where people poke your ass with red hot pokers for eternity.
Click to expand...
But he LOVES you.
Yes he loves you and he needs money!

 
Originally posted by: shortylickens
Ditto everything already said.

Lets not forget most religions allowed/required payment from people if they wanted to join, wanted to reach heaven, or wanted to be forgiven so they could reach heaven.
Click to expand...


Heck, you could give Scientology some props for being upfront about selling heaven. The other religions are just as greedy, they're just sneakier about it.
 
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