Okay here is the deal.

[Zysoclaplem]

I was seeing a guy for a little while, and we broke up during the weekend. Kind of upset me, because I put alot of heart and time into it, and he just kinda blew me off, in the bad way.
So it was over.

Another guy, who I have met before, asked me on a date Tuesday. He lives about an hour away, and would have to drive here to go on the date. Well, after considering it, I told him yes. We could go see a movie. But I was having doubts about it because I just got out of a relationship. And he specifically told me he was looking for a bf, not just a friend.
Well I got to thinking about it, and I just couldn't do it because I know I am not ready yet. I just ended a relationship a few days before. So I called him about 30-45 minutes after I said yes, and I kinda told him that I'm not ready and I seriously apologized for saying yes. But I am just not ready to date yet. I told him he is hot, and he is, but I just know how it would turn out because I am in no state of mind to date someone. He said it was okay, but he was sad, I could tell.

Am I an asshole for this?
I know I should not have said yes having doubts, but the doubts were not about him but myself. And I didn't want him to drive here and take me out just to find that I am not ready. It's a waste of his money and time.

I thought it was the right thing to do, but everyone else says it would kind of upset them.

 

[woowoo]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
I was seeing a guy for a little while.

You lost me here.....

 

[Vegitto]

Still making sure everyone knows you're gay...

(JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING! )

Nah, don't feel too bad about it. If you're not ready (yet), he's just going to have to accept it.

 

[MisterJackson]

what you should have done is just told him what you told us. You just got out of something serious and only want to date (assuming you do want to do that, your post is a bit confusing on that). Tell him for now there's no chance of being something more and if he's okay with that then you two should go out. I don't see any reason not to.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: woowoo

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
I was seeing a guy for a little while.

You lost me here.....

grow up

 

[Ricemarine]

I wonder.... Did you look at JLGatsby's pic? :laugh:

No, you shouldn't feel bad. If you don't want to, you don't have to. Your choice.

 

[CPA]

I think we may have to change the meaning to YAGT....

But in any case, why do you give a rat's ass about how he feels. It's not under your control. Taking care of yourself is and that's what you need to take care of.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: MisterJackson
what you should have done is just told him what you told us. You just got out of something serious and only want to date (assuming you do want to do that, your post is a bit confusing on that). Tell him for now there's no chance of being something more and if he's okay with that then you two should go out. I don't see any reason not to.

I don't want to date. I thought I could, but the more I though about the more I knew I wasn't ready.
He made it very clear he wanted a bf. He told me he isn't really looking for friends.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: CPA
I think we may have to change the meaning to YAGT....

But in any case, why do you give a rat's ass about how he feels. It's not under your control. Taking care of yourself is and that's what you need to take care of.

Because I said yes, and then no.
I got his hopes up. And I feel horrible for that. I don't know why.
I don't know why I feel bad for people and care as much as I do. Perhaps I should have done what every other guy would do, and stood him up.

 

[wvtalbot]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: CPA
I think we may have to change the meaning to YAGT....

But in any case, why do you give a rat's ass about how he feels. It's not under your control. Taking care of yourself is and that's what you need to take care of.

Because I said yes, and then no.
I got his hopes up. And I feel horrible for that. I don't know why.
I don't know why I feel bad for people and care as much as I do. Perhaps I should have done what every other guy would do, and stood him up.

Wow dude its like my sister asking for advice almost verbatim....

 

[erikistired]

there's a guy on here named ryan. you guys should meet.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: CPA
I think we may have to change the meaning to YAGT....

But in any case, why do you give a rat's ass about how he feels. It's not under your control. Taking care of yourself is and that's what you need to take care of.

Because I said yes, and then no.
I got his hopes up. And I feel horrible for that. I don't know why.
I don't know why I feel bad for people and care as much as I do. Perhaps I should have done what every other guy would do, and stood him up.

because you're only human? you have feelings? at least you called him back and didn't stand him up. that would have been a worse thing to do.

 

[K1052]

No you were not an asshole, you were honest with him about how you felt.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

[torpid]

I don't know whether you were an a hole for what you did because I didn't read much of it. But you are definitely lacking morals for posting a YAGT (note G can also mean guy) without proper disclaimers, thereby enticing me to click on the thread.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Originally posted by: fisher
there's a guy on here named ryan. you guys should meet.

He's not talking about me.... His Screenname is Ryan.

Anyhow....you did the right thing if you don't think you're ready. At the same time, if you've met this guy before, you should know how interested you are in him. It's tough to move on, but if you're looking for something serious and long-lasting, sometimes it's better to jump.

When I met my fiance, I just about lost her because she was going to move out of town 3 weeks after we met. I convinced her to stay(didn't take much convincing) and now it looks like she's going to be around the rest of my life. Things couldn't be better...unless she had a twin sister.

 

[essasin]

you actually did the mature thing and didn't allow yourself to rebound. Maybe later you'll be able to have a fresh clean start with this other guy.

 

[dawnbug]

I think you definitely did the right thing. Give him a call when you think you're ready to get out there again... I'm sure he'll still be happy to hear from you.

 

[neegotiator]

I'm sure the dude'll understand, sure it may upset him but like you said, waste of time and money if you're not ready.

 

[CPA]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: CPA
I think we may have to change the meaning to YAGT....

But in any case, why do you give a rat's ass about how he feels. It's not under your control. Taking care of yourself is and that's what you need to take care of.

Because I said yes, and then no.
I got his hopes up. And I feel horrible for that. I don't know why.
I don't know why I feel bad for people and care as much as I do. Perhaps I should have done what every other guy would do, and stood him up.

You are making yourself feel horrible for something you can not control - his feelings on the matter. You made a mistake, whippy doo. Doesn't make you a bad person. Makes you a human. You can feel upset/disappointed on your mistake, but killing yourself on how he feels doesn't accomplish squat.

 

[Chryso]

The biggest problem I have here is you calling what you had before a relationship.
That wasn't a relationship.

 

[blackdogdeek]

you could either make him sad now, or even more sad later after he's already invested himself emotionally.

 

[mordantmonkey]

just tell him exactly what you think. you just got out of a relationship, but he's hot and you want to "ride him like a rented pony".
he will either decline, or acquiesce to your "romantic" advances.

or you know, if you don't want to be a slut about it... then you did the right thing, and gave yourself the best chance that when you're ready he'll still be interested.

 

[YetioDoom]

You're much better off ending it now before anything happens. You did the right thing.

 

[tm37]

Is the other dude hot?

Hit it and furgit it!

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: tm37
Is the other dude hot?

Hit it and furgit it!

I don't hit it and forget it...lol.
A dick is a dick, an ass is an ass. It is who it's attached to that matters.