Oh my god.... RANTING IS HEREDITARY!!!!

[jonnyGURU]

I was looking for my dad the other day. He "left" when I was fifteen. I had only seen him once in fifteen years and that was when I got married.

It turns out he is easy to find!!!

He goes by the handle "knowitallchef" and is on a several websites, one of which is called "dinersoft.com", where he dishes out advice for future restaurateur (For work I write tech support pages and manuals for barebones machines) and RANTS ABOUT CUSTOMERS!!!!

Even for halloween, he's giving out some food advice

Here's his response to the following query (you'll like this one yakko):


<< I used to like to throw eggs on Halloween at smart kids' houses. But I don't eat meat any more and I feel bad throwing eggs. Those could have been baby chickens! What kind of vegan stuff is good to throw? I'm already thinking Cadbury eggs. >>



Response from knowitallchef (expert in vegetarian cooking):


<< NO!! Too expensive!
Better make small water balloons with tofu yolks.
Half cooked fresh beets would be good...leave a nice stain. >>



Oh my... It's almost scary!! :Q

 

[jonnyGURU]

Uh oh.... I found some of his phone rants:



<<
Caller: I was there last night, did I leave anything?

Caller: Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to call you, but not this early.

Caller: Do you have anything on your menu except prime rib & seafood?
Answer: Yes, pasta, seafood, chicken & steaks.
Caller: What about fish?

Caller: Can you tell me how the deep fried shrimp is cooked?

Caller: Can I get your French Onion soup with no cheese or crouton and as few onions as possible?

Caller: (8PM on a Friday night) Oh! You're open tonight?

Caller: How late are you serving tonight?
Answer: 10:30 PM
Caller: Good, can I get a reservation for 6:30?

Caller: When do you open tonight?
Answer: 5:30 PM
Caller: Good, can I get a reservation for 8PM?

Caller: Do you have a banquet room for private parties?
Answer: Yes, we do! For how many people?
Caller: Five

Caller: Can I wear a baseball cap?

Caller: Can I place a takeout order?
Answer: Sure, but we don't open again 'til 5:30..
Caller: But it's only 2:30!

Caller: What's on your buffet?
Ans.: We don't have a buffet.
Caller: (Angrily) Well can you tell me who does?

Caller: What kinds of seafood do you sell?
Answer: Sole, salmon, oysters, flounder, scallops, shrimp, lobster, halibut, trout, and a special on steamer crabs tonight.
Caller: No Catfish???

Caller: Do you accept reservations?
Ans.: We sure do!
Caller: Great! Thank you. (hangs up)

Caller: Are you open for lunch today?
Ans.: Yes
Caller: Well, then can I make reservations for tomorrow night?

Caller: Will you have room for us tonight?
Answer: For how many people?
Caller: I don't know

Caller: Do you still have the same menu you used to have?

Caller: What do you charge for a banquet?

Caller: Have you ever had a wedding?

Caller: Can we bring our own food to our luncheon you're catering?

Caller: I'd like to request a specific waitress, can I do that?
Answer: Sure, who would you like?
Caller: I don't know her name, and I don't remember what she looked like...

Caller: Do you serve children?

Caller: Do you have a Seniors discount?
Answer: Yes, 20% off between 5:30 and 7
Caller: Well, we can't get there 'til 8:30..
>>

 

[Pikachu]

Are you serious? Is this a joke? If not... <Twilite Zone Theme> Neener neener, neener neener...</Twilite Zone Theme> :Q

 

[amnesiac]

LMAO.. funny stuff. I can relate to some of those calls.

One of them:

Caller: Umm, can you tell me about the Chicken Piccata?
Ans: Sure, what would you like to know?
Caller: Is that a chicken dish?


Guest: <walks into restaurant> What kind of soup do you have today?
Me: Today's it's Baked Potato soup.
Guest: <stares at me blankly> oh. <walks out of restaurant>

 

[jonnyGURU]

I'm dead serious. I haven't talked to the guy in over 15 years and this is what I find out about him.

Needless to say, I just dropped him an email.

 

[Grey]

Just don't give him any more posting material

 

[apoppin]

Well, do you actually think your tendency to rant is inherited (genetic) or environmental (how you grew up - family life)?

 

[jonnyGURU]

I don't think it's enviromental. My dad never "ranted" at home that I can remember. Although, I don't recall seeing much of him due to his schedule!

The only thing I've ever "read" that he had written was a cookbook he and a friend had authored before he ran off with a waitress (sad, but true).

Sure I haven't seen him in over half my life, and my last impression of the putz was "mega-jerk", but I like his writings (still perusing the net looking for his stuff, waiting for an email back)....



<< Things really have not changed. The people are the same (names only slightly different); the petty fights, squabbles, threats are continuous...but, when the meal has gone out, or the catering trucks have left, there is a semblance of sanity...but only briefly...until the next meal or 'event' is needed. And yet, as brutal as it is, so many of us choose to 'live' our lives in this way...and try in some bizarre way to alter & change the work ethic and morality of some of humankind's most sociopathic people that we intentionally employ to perform the menial and not so mundane work that is required for a kitchen to put out food & serve customers.

Last week, during an exceptionally confused period wherein I had two sous chefs, a pantrylady and at least four prep cooks trying to prepare lunch as usual while also prepping 12 catered events (all 'mistakenly' scheduled by the catering coordinator for the same half hour window). I could only think of the old saw...the one that describes the cooks as merely soldiers in a battle...quartering new potatoes, cubing cheese, making sauces, baking hundreds of muffins & cookies, etc....and only the 'generals' had any idea why anything at all was being done.

-- knowitallchef
>>

 

[apoppin]

<< I don't think it's enviromental. My dad never "ranted" at home that I can remember. >>



Do you rant at home?

I can't imagine your early family life but is it possible that it influenced both you and your estranged dad to react in similar ways outside the home?

EDIT: I enjoy your rants as posted in OT and also enjoyed your dad's. It is a gift.

 

[jonnyGURU]

I was only 15... It's not like I went to work with him. At home, in the car and at the store (we did a lot of grocery shopping) is when I saw him and for the most part impressed upon me that he is actually a quiet guy.

 

[Soybomb]

Now thats just cool

 

[dirtboy]

haha! That's hilarious!

 

[Harvey]

LMFAO! What are you going to say when you discover his AT handle? :Q

 

[jonnyGURU]

Heh..... Is "KnowItAllChef" already taken???

 

[yakko]

I thought your dad was the milkman not a chef.

Those phone calls are great and sadly true.

 

[wolf550e]

<< LMFAO! What are you going to say when you discover his AT handle? :Q >>



WOW! i though of that the moment i read the original post! it could be really weird!