Boze
Senior member
Reposted from SomethingAwful Forums from one of our confirmed dispatchers there... this is kinda scary...
Before tonight, I used to be one of the many people who laughed at the "If you have an errection lasting more than four hours seek medical attention" warning on many new soft-cock remedies. I now know that this is a legitimate emergency and I will probably never make fun of it again. (OK, I guess I still will but not for like a week or so.)
I am presently just over 18 hours into a 24 hour shift in the dispatch center of a busy urban Ambulance service. I am all alone in the center and, up until a few minutes ago, was trying to catch some shuteye in the Dispatcher's bunk across the room. It wasn't very long before the familiar emergency ring tone filled the room and the lights snapped on to rouse me from my sleep. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.
'XYZ Ambulance'
"Hello I am calling because my penis has exploded"
'.....'
At this point I wasn't sure if I was being prank called or if this was a legitimate call. I've gotten lots of pranks along the lines of "I stuck a carrot in my ass and I can't get it out", "My dog bit my scrotum and ran away with one of my testicles in his mouth", "My gay lover put a small creature in his rectum and we think it died there", and so on. "My penis has exploded" was really not to far off from some of these so you can see why I suspected this might be the case.
Per protocol, I started a unit on the way right away upon receiving the call.
'Can you give me a better description of what happened sir?'
"I took a whole ton of those hardon pills and I was having sex all night but I still can't make my thing go back to normal. It started spurting out blood and now the whole thing just kind of popped"
I kept the caller on the phone, gave him basic instructions ('get a towel' basically) while we waited for the Ambulance to arrive.
I later learned that the man had taken a whole bottle of errectile dysfunction medication (like 50 times the proper dosage) and was snorting cocaine all night. He managed to blow all the blood vessels in his unit and was apparently not too far off from bleeding to death according to the medics who responded to the scene.
The moral of this story is don't make fun of those errection warnings on TV. Your penis may explode!
Before tonight, I used to be one of the many people who laughed at the "If you have an errection lasting more than four hours seek medical attention" warning on many new soft-cock remedies. I now know that this is a legitimate emergency and I will probably never make fun of it again. (OK, I guess I still will but not for like a week or so.)
I am presently just over 18 hours into a 24 hour shift in the dispatch center of a busy urban Ambulance service. I am all alone in the center and, up until a few minutes ago, was trying to catch some shuteye in the Dispatcher's bunk across the room. It wasn't very long before the familiar emergency ring tone filled the room and the lights snapped on to rouse me from my sleep. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.
'XYZ Ambulance'
"Hello I am calling because my penis has exploded"
'.....'
At this point I wasn't sure if I was being prank called or if this was a legitimate call. I've gotten lots of pranks along the lines of "I stuck a carrot in my ass and I can't get it out", "My dog bit my scrotum and ran away with one of my testicles in his mouth", "My gay lover put a small creature in his rectum and we think it died there", and so on. "My penis has exploded" was really not to far off from some of these so you can see why I suspected this might be the case.
Per protocol, I started a unit on the way right away upon receiving the call.
'Can you give me a better description of what happened sir?'
"I took a whole ton of those hardon pills and I was having sex all night but I still can't make my thing go back to normal. It started spurting out blood and now the whole thing just kind of popped"
I kept the caller on the phone, gave him basic instructions ('get a towel' basically) while we waited for the Ambulance to arrive.
I later learned that the man had taken a whole bottle of errectile dysfunction medication (like 50 times the proper dosage) and was snorting cocaine all night. He managed to blow all the blood vessels in his unit and was apparently not too far off from bleeding to death according to the medics who responded to the scene.
The moral of this story is don't make fun of those errection warnings on TV. Your penis may explode!
