*Official* New GOP Theme Song Announced

[MrColin]

(MCPS) 9/10/2012
After embarrassing public rebukes from Rage Against the Machine's Tom Morello, Twisted Sister, K'naan, and The Silversun Pickups, who explicitly sought to distance themselves and their work from GOP candidates, the Romney campaign has finally found an artist who will proudly stand with the 2012 presidential candidate. "We got burned pretty hard" said a party spokesperson, referring to the fiasco where the band Journey, who was paid $500,000 to play at the Republican National Convention last week, only to packpedal on actually supporting the candidate(s), stating publicly "its just another gig."

Finding popular musicians who are willing to destroy thier image and compromise their values in support of the Republican party has always been tricky. "After our generous offers were rejected by washed up third rate hair-band rockers like Dee Snyder, we knew we needed a better strategy. Basically we had to find someone without any choice in the matter." said a manager for the Romney campaign. "We don't want to end up like the McCain - Palin campaign." He added, refering to legal threats brought against the failed candidates by Jackson Browne, Jon Bon Jovi, Heart, Foo Fighters, Van Halen, John Mellencamp and others in 2008.

He explains the campaign's change in course: "Lane Turner was great, but we need to garner appeal from more than just marginally literate yokels from the hills. Getting them to the polls on the right day has always been difficult and when they do come they can't understand or read the ballots correctly."

The new strategy to put Romney in the Oval Office will require support for younger voters who have eluded the party for some time. "We need a catchy high energy tune that can be played by low paid studio artists wherever we go, and we need to be able to buy the rights to the song from a corporate copyright holder so nobody can call us out for tainting their artistic image. We know better than anybody that image is everything. We have artists phoning in from Calcutta so we don't have to fight with those pesky union musicians."

A source close to the campaign told us: "this song captures perfectly not just our party's core platform, but also our personal spirit. Since the band itself no longer exists we were able to purchase the unqualified rights to use it at will without any fear of blow back from the artists" while making air quotes around the word "artists."

The GOP now owns all of the rights to the new theme song, whereas in the past, Republicans would simply poach the work of others without asking, much like they do in the private sector. Finally, "I see this as a great investment in the party, the lyrics capture our love for America so perfectly, this song will be a rallying cry for young Republicans for years to come" our source claims of the song, and caricatures of the artists which were purchased from Turner Broadcasting System for seven million dollars late last week.

http://youtu.be/2zMQtXP7F5k

Source: MrColin made up the quoted parts, and the details about the purchase of Dethklok

Your "joke" title must be announced as such.

Perknose
Forum Director

 

[Matt1970]

That's cute.

 

[Thump553]

Is this from the Onion? The only thing missing is that the "low paid studio artists" should phone it in from Calcutta-that way the GOP can avoid those pesky union musicians.

 

[MrColin]

Is this from the Onion? The only thing missing is that the "low paid studio artists" should phone it in from Calcutta-that way the GOP can avoid those pesky union musicians.

It's straight from the MrColin Publishing System. Added the Calcutta part, that was good.

 

[Uhtrinity]

Who said this?

He explains the campaign's change in course: "Lane Turner was great, but we need to garner appeal from more than just marginally literate yokels from the hills. Getting them to the polls on the right day has always been difficult and when they do come they can't understand or read the ballots correctly."

Sounds pretty demeaning to the 'base".

 

[Schmide]

After getting on board with GOP, Deathklok learns to compromise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5q3Fi5GR_M