Official joke thread.

[FalseChristian]

Q: What do bungie jumping and banging a hooker have in common?

A: They're both fast and cheap and if the rubber breaks your dead!

 

[Dreadogg]

who's sig is full of wasted space and has a crappy OS attached to it? LOL only kidding! BUt you know they do have my anandtech for that!

 

[propellerhead]

<< ATI RADEON 128MB 8500 AGP 4x (300/600)
3dfx Voodoo5-5500 AGP 2x (182/182) >>



You are running two AGP video cards? I have three. But one AGP and two PCI for driving multiple monitors.

 

[johndoe52]

A rope walks into a bar. It asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve your kind here." So the rope walks out of the bar, ties it's self in a knot and frays the ends. The rope then walks back into the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender then replies "weren't you just in here?" The rope responds "No, I'm afraid not." (I'm a frayed knot)

 

[FalseChristian]

propellerhead, I find that my Voodoo5-5500 AGP runs older games like Quake and Half-life better than my RADEON 8500. I wish I had a Voodoo5-5500 PCI
so I didn't have to switch between 2 AGP cards all the time. It's a pain in der ars!

 

[FalseChristian]

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIE

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp
partially buried in the sand. He picks up
the lamp and gives it a rub.Two blonde genies appear and they tell him
he has been granted three wishes.The
guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.The next
thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom,
in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of
them and begins to explore the
house.Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and
the floor is covered in $100.00
bills.Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and
standing there are two persons dressed in Klu
Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree,throw a
rope over a limb and hang him by the neck
until he is dead! The Klans men walk off.As they are walking away, they
remove their hoods; it's the two blonde
genies. One blonde genie says to the other one "Hey, I can understand
the first wish having all these beautiful
women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him
wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung
like a black man is beyond me!"

 

[lawaris]

<< WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIE

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp
partially buried in the sand. He picks up
the lamp and gives it a rub.Two blonde genies appear and they tell him
he has been granted three wishes.The
guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.The next
thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom,
in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of
them and begins to explore the
house.Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and
the floor is covered in $100.00
bills.Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and
standing there are two persons dressed in Klu
Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree,throw a
rope over a limb and hang him by the neck
until he is dead! The Klans men walk off.As they are walking away, they
remove their hoods; it's the two blonde
genies. One blonde genie says to the other one "Hey, I can understand
the first wish having all these beautiful
women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him
wanting to be a millionaire. But to be hung
like a black man is beyond me!" >>




that was funny .....

 

[gopunk]

an electron walks into a bar. orders a drink, pays for it. a neutron takes a seat next to him. orders a drink, but before he can pay, bartender says "it's on the house". later, when the neutron leaves, the electron goes "bartender, how come he didn't have to pay?" bartender goes "for him, no charge".

 

[spanky]

q: why don't chicken's have underwear?
a: becuz their peckers are on their face.

 

[XZeroII]

A man is walking along the beach and finds a lamp. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The genie grands him one wish. The man thinks about it and says that he has always wanted to go to Haiwii, but is too afriad to fly or take a ship. He asked the genie to make a bridge going from the US to Haiwii. The genie gets upset because that is such a difficult wish. It would take a ton of cement and tons of time, and would be impractical. The genie tells the man to choose another wish. The man thinks for awhile then says that he would like to have the ability to understand women. The genie replies "one lane or two?"

 

[Renob]

How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up like an alter boy.

 

[NetworkDad]

One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his
Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since
he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both
sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on
Sunday morning.

Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed
adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three
hail mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled
money from work." "Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty.
That'll be 5 hail mary's, plus fourteen bucks."

"Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can
handle this.

Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have commited
the sin of butt-sex."

"Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see
butt-sex there. I excused myself to see if I could get
some help. I found a choir boy hanging out on the steps
of the church.

"Excuse me," I said. "What does Father Matthew give for
buttsex?"

"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies,
but sometimes a Snickers."

 

[DAPUNISHER]

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle
Corporation, died

>>and went to heaven.

>>

>>At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've
been such a good

>>man and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you =

can

>>hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

>>

>>Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said
"I want to hang

>>out with God."

>>

>>St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.

>>Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor
of woman?"

>>God said, "Ah yes."

>>

>>"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,
you have some

>>major design flaws in your invention.

>>

>> 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end
=

protrusion.

>> 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.

>> 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble
too much.

>> 4. The intake is placed way to close to the
exhaust.

>> And finally,

>> 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

>>

>>"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,"
replied God, "hold on."

>>God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a
few words and

>>waited for the results.

>>

>>The computer printed out a slip of paper and God
read it.

>>"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,"
God said to

>>Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men
are riding my

>>invention than yours.