Michael: PC Load Letter? What the f*ck does that mean?
Samir: WHY DOES IT SAY PAPER JAM WHEN THERE IS NO PAPER JAM? I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE OF THESE DAYS I-I-I JUST KICK THIS PIECE OF SH!T OUT THE WINDOW!
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point
Michael: Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know, there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael: There WAS nothing wrong with it. Until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?.
Michael: No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!