I recently contacted my local township about an issue and the whole interaction was weird. My township requires certain items being picked up with the trash to have a pre-paid label attached to them. I had a toilet I replaced because it thought my plunger and I should spend more time together on brown water dates but the disposal procedure for a toilet wasn't listed anywhere I could find. So I called.
First - I got a real person on the second ring. Second - she was really friendly. And not just 'Hi, how can I help you friendly?' but the 'I need an organ transplant and want you to like me and give me a kidney' friendly. Third - she didn't need to transfer me to anyone.
This, of course, immediately raised the hairs on the back of my neck as I protectively clutched one of my kidneys. I tentatively asked my question about how to dispose of a toilet. At this point I expected the hammer to come crashing down, figuring she delighted in appearing friendly before crushing callers by revealing hefty fees.
"Oh no problem sir. What day is your trash pickup? Ok - just make sure it's out by 6am and I have made a note for them to pick it up."
Ah -the game is afoot! Clearly this is a ploy to get me to waddle the toilet out to the curb only to have the trashmen laugh as they pass it by. Perhaps they will take a picture, write 'Dumbass' on it and tape it to the toilet in their glee.
But curse her siren song for she used the one phrase that will ensure my ensnarement in her evil web: "No charge."
Damn you woman!
I played along though. Who knows what other devious thoughts she would come up with if she knew I was on to her. I replied to her sickeningly friendly follow up questions "Anything else I can do for you today?"
No.
"Ok. Well if you ever have any questions let me know. Here is my direct number if you have any problems with the pickup sir."
So I can call you and let you gloat? I think not.
The night before I carried the toilet to the curb in the rain. She was probably lounging with her trashmen henchment, drinking hot chocolate and laughing knowing that I either was stuck dealing with the rain or having to sacrifice an hour of sleep to lug this evil bastard of a non-flushing toilet to the curb for a pickup that would never happen.
I went to bed, fully expecting the toilet to be there in the morning and again when I got home from work. Imagine my surprise when I left my house at 7:30 and the toilet was gone! Fear and uncertainty shot through me. Clearly this Agent of Torture was playing the long game but I couldn't figure out the angle. My kidneys screamed in terror. My heart thudded in my chest, reminding me that it was quite happy where it was.
I left for the day, trying to put it all behind me. But She wasn't done with me. Oh no. When I got home there was a letter from the township in the mail. I hurriedly tore it open, praying for it to be a bill. That would explain everything that was going on, right? That would end the madness.
But She is too evil and sinister for that. It was a helpful pamphlet of information where she had circled the recycling and yard waste pickpup dates for my address and crossing out items that didn't apply to me. Even worse - a handwritten thank you note! Thank you for calling? It was a pleasure to speak with you and help you with your trash disposal needs? If you have any further questions feel free to ask?!
Yeah - like why am I in this tub of ice and why are you standing over me with a knife?
I sent the letter of for handwriting analysis but I am not expecting much help. She is too smart for that. Probably had one of her other victims write it.
In the meantime, anyone know of a good bodyguard service?
Cliffs:
-Needed to dispose of a toilet
-Called township
-Gave me better customer service than I have gotten from Hilton or Amex
-Everything, including pickup, happened quickly, exactly as planned and without charge
-Received pamphlet the same day in the mail with all kinds of helpful information and scheduled times
-Also contained Handwritten thank you note
-This seems odd for a government entity
First - I got a real person on the second ring. Second - she was really friendly. And not just 'Hi, how can I help you friendly?' but the 'I need an organ transplant and want you to like me and give me a kidney' friendly. Third - she didn't need to transfer me to anyone.
This, of course, immediately raised the hairs on the back of my neck as I protectively clutched one of my kidneys. I tentatively asked my question about how to dispose of a toilet. At this point I expected the hammer to come crashing down, figuring she delighted in appearing friendly before crushing callers by revealing hefty fees.
"Oh no problem sir. What day is your trash pickup? Ok - just make sure it's out by 6am and I have made a note for them to pick it up."
Ah -the game is afoot! Clearly this is a ploy to get me to waddle the toilet out to the curb only to have the trashmen laugh as they pass it by. Perhaps they will take a picture, write 'Dumbass' on it and tape it to the toilet in their glee.
But curse her siren song for she used the one phrase that will ensure my ensnarement in her evil web: "No charge."
Damn you woman!
I played along though. Who knows what other devious thoughts she would come up with if she knew I was on to her. I replied to her sickeningly friendly follow up questions "Anything else I can do for you today?"
No.
"Ok. Well if you ever have any questions let me know. Here is my direct number if you have any problems with the pickup sir."
So I can call you and let you gloat? I think not.
The night before I carried the toilet to the curb in the rain. She was probably lounging with her trashmen henchment, drinking hot chocolate and laughing knowing that I either was stuck dealing with the rain or having to sacrifice an hour of sleep to lug this evil bastard of a non-flushing toilet to the curb for a pickup that would never happen.
I went to bed, fully expecting the toilet to be there in the morning and again when I got home from work. Imagine my surprise when I left my house at 7:30 and the toilet was gone! Fear and uncertainty shot through me. Clearly this Agent of Torture was playing the long game but I couldn't figure out the angle. My kidneys screamed in terror. My heart thudded in my chest, reminding me that it was quite happy where it was.
I left for the day, trying to put it all behind me. But She wasn't done with me. Oh no. When I got home there was a letter from the township in the mail. I hurriedly tore it open, praying for it to be a bill. That would explain everything that was going on, right? That would end the madness.
But She is too evil and sinister for that. It was a helpful pamphlet of information where she had circled the recycling and yard waste pickpup dates for my address and crossing out items that didn't apply to me. Even worse - a handwritten thank you note! Thank you for calling? It was a pleasure to speak with you and help you with your trash disposal needs? If you have any further questions feel free to ask?!
Yeah - like why am I in this tub of ice and why are you standing over me with a knife?
I sent the letter of for handwriting analysis but I am not expecting much help. She is too smart for that. Probably had one of her other victims write it.
In the meantime, anyone know of a good bodyguard service?
Cliffs:
-Needed to dispose of a toilet
-Called township
-Gave me better customer service than I have gotten from Hilton or Amex
-Everything, including pickup, happened quickly, exactly as planned and without charge
-Received pamphlet the same day in the mail with all kinds of helpful information and scheduled times
-Also contained Handwritten thank you note
-This seems odd for a government entity
