Now THAT is justice! (A stolen Brutuskend JOKE)

Brutuskend

Lifer
Apr 2, 2001
26,558
4
0
While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"There's no need! I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down into Hell.

The doors open, and he finds ! himself in the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in formal dress. They run to greet him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven where St.Peter is waiting for him ...

"Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from clo! ud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.

"Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, you must choose where you want to spend eternity."

He reflects for a minute and then answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better satisfied in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and down, down, down he goes into Hell. Now, the doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot and the odor is just horrible.

Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable. The Devil comes over to him and smoothly lays his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "The day before yesterday I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at the senator, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning .. today you voted for us."

 

sillymofo

Banned
Aug 11, 2003
5,817
2
0
I have another version of this, but to make it short, I'll cut some corners.


A guy died, went to heaven and was given two choice, and get to spend a day in hell and a day in heaven. First he spent a day in heaven, and saw the same thing, people jumping from cloud to cloud and playing harps. "Too boring" he thought. So the next day, he went to hell, he saw every one was partying, all the earthly sins were celebrated and everyone seemed happy. As the Devil gave him a tour of hell, they came to a cell where a guy is chained up on the wall a a beautiful blonde was giving him a... you know. The guy thought to himself, well shiet, hell couldn't be that bad, so he told the Devil that he wanted to stay in hell, turned to the blonde, the Devil said :"You're free to go, there's another sucker here to replace you."
 

ThreeLeggedGnome

Senior member
Jun 18, 2002
282
0
0
Originally posted by: cr4zymofo
I have another version of this, but to make it short, I'll cut some corners.


A guy died, went to heaven and was given two choice, and get to spend a day in hell and a day in heaven. First he spent a day in heaven, and saw the same thing, people jumping from cloud to cloud and playing harps. "Too boring" he thought. So the next day, he went to hell, he saw every one was partying, all the earthly sins were celebrated and everyone seemed happy. As the Devil gave him a tour of hell, they came to a cell where a guy is chained up on the wall a a beautiful blonde was giving him a... you know. The guy thought to himself, well shiet, hell couldn't be that bad, so he told the Devil that he wanted to stay in hell, turned to the blonde, the Devil said :"You're free to go, there's another sucker here to replace you."

That's a damn good joke.
 

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
25,921
14
81
old joke, different characters, different punchline...

Still good!

Cheers Brutus :beer:
 

Goosemaster

Lifer
Apr 10, 2001
48,777
3
81
Originally posted by: ThreeLeggedGnome
Originally posted by: cr4zymofo
I have another version of this, but to make it short, I'll cut some corners.


A guy died, went to heaven and was given two choice, and get to spend a day in hell and a day in heaven. First he spent a day in heaven, and saw the same thing, people jumping from cloud to cloud and playing harps. "Too boring" he thought. So the next day, he went to hell, he saw every one was partying, all the earthly sins were celebrated and everyone seemed happy. As the Devil gave him a tour of hell, they came to a cell where a guy is chained up on the wall a a beautiful blonde was giving him a... you know. The guy thought to himself, well shiet, hell couldn't be that bad, so he told the Devil that he wanted to stay in hell, turned to the blonde, the Devil said :"You're free to go, there's another sucker here to replace you."

That's a damn good joke.

Damn GOOD
 

Jay59express

Senior member
Jun 7, 2000
481
0
0
Similar heaven/hell joke

A guy dies and goes to heaven. After a while in heaven St. Peter gives him the opportunity to look down and see what it would have been like to go to hell. He parts the earth and the man looks down to hell and sees a guy sitting there with a beautiful blonde on one side, and a beer keg on the other. He says to St. Peter "Hell doesn't look as bad as I imagined!" to which St. Peter replies "The keg has a hole in it .. the woman doesn't"

hardy har har