NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA
and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories including New
Jersey.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply
with the following acts:
1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75).
Start spelling English words correctly.
2. Learn at least the first four lines of "God Save The Queen."
3. Start referring to "soccer" as football.
4. Declare war on Quebec and France.
5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason
6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby
7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses
to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names
before you eat.
8. July fourth is no longer a public holiday. This has been replaced
with November fifth
9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to
take six weeks annual vacation and
observe statutory tea breaks.
10. Driving on the left is now compulsory. Recall all cars to effect
the change immediately.
11. Report to our Consulate General in New York, M. Wragg, for your
new passport and job allocation.
12. Have Meg Ryan report to the Prince Andrew's Bedchamber.
13. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument, and
the Queen's Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.
14. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it
the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day!
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA
and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories including New
Jersey.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply
with the following acts:
1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75).
Start spelling English words correctly.
2. Learn at least the first four lines of "God Save The Queen."
3. Start referring to "soccer" as football.
4. Declare war on Quebec and France.
5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason
6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby
7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train waitresses
to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you their names
before you eat.
8. July fourth is no longer a public holiday. This has been replaced
with November fifth
9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to
take six weeks annual vacation and
observe statutory tea breaks.
10. Driving on the left is now compulsory. Recall all cars to effect
the change immediately.
11. Report to our Consulate General in New York, M. Wragg, for your
new passport and job allocation.
12. Have Meg Ryan report to the Prince Andrew's Bedchamber.
13. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument, and
the Queen's Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.
14. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it
the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day!
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