No, I can't tell you your password!

[Arik5405]

 

[darkewaffle]

The only person to blame when people don't know how to choose and remember complex passwords is the person who keeps complaining that the employees can't remember them, yet does nothing to fix the problem.

Do you get mad at 3rd graders because they are having a hard time memorizing the multiplication table, or do you find a better way to teach them to memorize it?

I think you're doing it wrong in the first place asking them to memorize the table instead of teaching them how to multiply

That said I have no idea how you teach someone to remember a password. Though I guess there is something to be said for teaching how to create a password, like understanding how the brain can more easily remember blocks of information that have a meaning than individual pieces (1975 v 1 9 7 5), but I wouldn't want to be the guy teaching that class.

There is one guy here who's method for remembering his password I think is kind of awesome. What he did was he took a sticky note and cut a little square out of the sticky part and stuck it on his keyboard. Now whenever he types his password, he just starts at the key the piece of paper is stuck to, and simply types left or right 8 characters.

 

[RedRooster]

MOVE!

Great rant, I can read the pain in your typing!

 

[TecHNooB]

A password reset rant thread where you don't even follow your own recommendations in using an upper case letter in the password?

But seriously, you are a helpdesk monkey. Reset the password these people have real work to do.

 

[moshquerade]

lol dont work helpdesk

This.

it's not for you OP. an anger management program may be for you though.

 

[NoCreativity]

At my peak I had about 20 passwords for different websites or applications needed for work. Best part was the fact that most had different requirements so virtually none of them could be the same. Luckily we went to smart card and I'm now down to a couple PWs. I wrote them all down but at least locked them in a file cabinet.

 

[Lifted]

I think you're doing it wrong in the first place asking them to memorize the table instead of teaching them how to multiply

That said I have no idea how you teach someone to remember a password. Though I guess there is something to be said for teaching how to create a password, like understanding how the brain can more easily remember blocks of information that have a meaning than individual pieces (1975 v 1 9 7 5), but I wouldn't want to be the guy teaching that class.

There is one guy here who's method for remembering his password I think is kind of awesome. What he did was he took a sticky note and cut a little square out of the sticky part and stuck it on his keyboard. Now whenever he types his password, he just starts at the key the piece of paper is stuck to, and simply types left or right 8 characters.

Take Post It - write key, stick inside drawer

##############
I = 1
A = @
O = 0
E = 3
R = 2
First and last letter cap
###############

Take abother post it - write hint for current passphrase - stick in different drawer, or to monitor, or whatever.

#########
fav band song
#########

Password this time would be: Sm3llsl1k3t33nsp121T

Somebody could see both post-its and they would still not have any idea what the persons password is. The key can stay the same, password hint changes with password.

 

[Genx87]

Because I don't fucking know it you idiots! And we wouldn't have this problem if you weren't such an incompetent lot of mouthbreathers whose passwords I have to reset every Monday! And no, it's not the computer's fault or the keyboard's fault or the system's fault or the software's fault and when it works for me it's not doing anything different, I'm just following the instructions I gave you and not drooling on my pants in bewilderment at the thought of including an UPPERCASE letter and a numb3r in my password!

No it's not that hard to think of one because it can be fucking anything, anything at all! Yes I realize it's asking far too much of you to recall anything beyond your own birth year and favorite sports team and no I really don't want to talk shit with you on the phone but honestly sometimes it beats the hell out of listening to your neglected lungs wheeze after you made the 8 foot trek from your station to the receiver. But God in heaven what could possibly possess you to think I give one flying fuck about whether or not you think bin Laden is dead or not?

Oh? You think it's all a conspiracy? That's so interesting! Why do you say that?

Is that so? Because you're a complete twat? Fair enough!

From here on out since you retards can remember your passwords about as well as you can recite Shakespeare verbatim, I'm going to make everyone's life easier here and now. Whenever you ask me for new password, I'm going to assign it to you based on whatever physical characteristic of yours of yours is most noticeable and what year I think you'll die.

Hi Danny! Need a new password? flamingogay2015, I figure you've already picked up that gay cancer so can't be long now!

Hey Rusty! A new one already? speechimpediment2020, that is, if alzheimers doesn't turn you into a vegetable before that, take care!

Hello Tess, always nice to hear from our frequent fliers! Oh? Nothing, nothing at all, what can I do for you? You don't say! How about screechingharpy2040? You know, if you don't get strangled.

Ah Linus, password troubles again eh? Here we go, donkeylaugh2005, congrats you beat the spread!

What's up Roland? Of course I can, mrfloppy2011, way I see it, once that goes everything else may as well go with it, yeah?

Everyone else, just try one of these. manbearpigdyke, completelybarren, fatoldtits, solonelyithurts, grumpymexican, walkwithawaddle, or kukluxkrazy. Oh, the year? I'm getting lazy now so let's just go with 2010, call it wishful thinking.



Fuckers, I'm ready to go home.

I never do this, a rare 12/10 rant rating! Bravo, BRAVO to you! Great well thought out rant. A real thing of beauty!

 

[drum]

we didn't make the rules, we just have to enforce them so bitch at upper management about your password, not us. Sorry about having to log on to the ERP software instead of using trusted credentials. Why it must have been us that decided to turn that off! Nope, try again

 

[IceBergSLiM]

highly relevant:

http://xkcd.com/936/

 

[Malfeas]

I have 7 different passwords for seven different systems I need to log in to for work. They all require a new password every 3 months, and must include a upper and lower case letters and a special !@###$$%%^^&*()( character with a minimum length of 8 characters. You can see that over time how I could easily get these confused or forget just one.

****oops I see others have more passwords than me. I guess I'm lucky!

 

[IceBergSLiM]

make em do it themselves:

http://www.thycotic.com/

 

[jtvang125]

I can understand if you just changed it and forgot. However I don't get the ones that have been using it for a month, logged in just fine that morning but somehow later that day they forgot it.

 

[shortylickens]

A+
Would read again.

 

[Fingolfin269]

Good rant from your perspective but it's just as easy for the users to rant from their perspective. The amount of passwords required, the reset schedule offset, the varying requirements for each system, yada yada yada. It gets so old. Most of the people I work with just have an excel sheet where they copy/paste stuff in to the system OR some series of sticky notes with old passwords crossed out. Hell some of these systems are only accessed on an infrequent basis so by the time you get around to logging in again your old password is already expired!

Fun times. Believe me, we don't want to call you either.

Can I just have a retinal scanner please?

 

[Fingolfin269]

I can understand if you just changed it and forgot. However I don't get the ones that have been using it for a month, logged in just fine that morning but somehow later that day they forgot it.

Sometimes it's a product of getting locked out and not actually forgetting the password. I work very quickly and have actually been locked out before because I miskeyed my password but had already typed in a few subsequent commands while talking to someone. Then I have to call the help desk and get the damn system unlocked because I went over the allowable number of password attempts.

 

[Jeff7]

highly relevant:

http://xkcd.com/936/

First thing that came to mind.

Also, this site.
According to that site, "I can't remember my password" as a password would take "about 867 decillion year" for a desktop PC to crack.
"I wish I wouldn't forget my 21 passwords all the time!" = About 13 novemvigintillion years

Data had the right idea.

 

[sourceninja]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/password_strength.png

So true.

 

[bradley]

:thumbsup:

 

[Jeffg010]

Someone mention PGP encryption :twisted: I have installed it before to encrypt lotus notes and to set it up it DOES NOT use a password. That right folks it uses a PASS PHASE to set it up. The easy ways to do a pass phase is type in a sentence and remember it that way.

Well this one dude could not get it right he type in his pass phase and then he have to retype it again to make sure it matched. Everything he typed would come back not valid. By the 3rd or 4th try I told him to keep trying and I went installing it on anther PC. The next thing I know he slammed his fist on the keyboard and broke it. Everyone was looking at him like what was his problem. I want over to him and he told me to get the f out so I left. His keyboard was still broke. Hardware ended up replacing his keyboard and he never did get PGP encryption to work.

 

[JTsyo]

Most of the passwords for work can be rest via a website. Why not do the same. Something that sets up a temp password when they forget?

 

[KaOTiK]

NSFW

 

[gorcorps]

Funny rant, but the password protection BS we need to put up with is also awful. My last 5 passwords can't match? Fine... then I'll change my password 5 times in a row and just go back to using my old one.

 

[Zargon]

Funny rant, but the password protection BS we need to put up with is also awful. My last 5 passwords can't match? Fine... then I'll change my password 5 times in a row and just go back to using my old one.

thats weak

30 day passwords 7+ char, upper and special required, no repeat for 30 passwords

most IT is more worried about some rainbow tabling you than sitting at your desk and seeing the sticky, because thats way ballsier than hacking from a far

Id rather you right it down than let some into the webapp DB because your password is your kids name and his birthyear


nice rant OP

 

[MotF Bane]

Good rant, the only error is not having uppercase in their replacements.