1) Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long
Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may
be illegal.
2) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or the space will
be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.
3) Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
4) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
5) Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork.
6) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7) Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to
provide useful information. They are only there to make Long
Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the
state police radar car parked on the median.
8) Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
9) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush
hour.
10) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an
accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
11) Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the
landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean
up.
12) It is assumed that state police cars passing at high
speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few
minutes on your way to work, or the beach.
13) Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change
any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions
are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for
body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may
be illegal.
2) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or the space will
be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.
3) Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
4) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
5) Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork.
6) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you
without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7) Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to
provide useful information. They are only there to make Long
Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the
state police radar car parked on the median.
8) Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
9) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush
hour.
10) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an
accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
11) Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the
landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean
up.
12) It is assumed that state police cars passing at high
speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few
minutes on your way to work, or the beach.
13) Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change
any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions
are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for
body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
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