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need some parenting advice

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here's the situation - i'm white
i married a filipino 6 years ago with a young daughter

i adopted the daughter - but she doesn't really know this yet

the daughter is now 8, and the wife and I have another little girl (11 months)

oldest daughter looks filipino, youngest looks white

oldest daughter is smart, and will soon realize somethings wrong

I want her to find out from me, and I want to tell her soon (before school starts)
I don't want her friends to tell her (when a white guy drops off an asian girl at school, people know)

Please give me some advice on how to tell her without damaging our father daughter relationship.
 
Tell her the truth

or

Tell her she is a mutant with latent superhuman abilities that she will soon be able to develop.

The choice is of course yours.
 
k i get it now

as for advice, i say dont hesitate to tell her. kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and the longer you wait the harder it will be to swallow imo
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Tell her the truth?
Click to expand...

I know that, but I need some wise words to go with it.

i don't want to say "your dad was a loser, i met your mom on the internet"
 
Originally posted by: troytime
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Tell her the truth?
Click to expand...

I know that, but I need some wise words to go with it.

i don't want to say "your dad was a loser, i met your mom on the internet"
Click to expand...

Buy her something expensive when you tell her, and she'll forget all about it. 😛
 
Say, "most daddies don't get to choose their children, they are born to them. But you were so special I chose to have you as my daughter".
 
Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
Say, "most daddies don't get to choose their children, they are born to them. But you were so special I chose to have you as my daughter".
Click to expand...

lol thats adorable.

*turns in man card*

tell her that or the truth, let us know how it goes...
 
Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
Say, "most daddies don't get to choose their children, they are born to them. But you were so special I chose to have you as my daughter".
Click to expand...

^^^ He's good.
 
Tell her that you may not be her biological father, but that's only a small percentage of what a father is.
Tell her that you love her, and consider her to be your own. She and her baby sister are the world to you.
Tell her she deserves the truth.
 
8 is old enough to understand. Just tell her now, before she realizes it herself, so she won't have resentment in thinking that you were hiding it from her. I am sure she will understand and accept it. You are her Dad, and that's a fact, and I am sure you have proven that to her already. Paternal Genetics mean nothing in this case.
 
Does she understand the birds and the bees? Does she understand that two people have to copulate in order to produce a child?

If not, then telling her you aren't her father might not work too well, because it wont make sense.... You ARE her father, but not her biological father, explaining that will take an understanding on her part on what the difference is..

 
Originally posted by: jndietz
Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
Say, "most daddies don't get to choose their children, they are born to them. But you were so special I chose to have you as my daughter".
Click to expand...

lol thats adorable.

*turns in man card*

tell her that or the truth, let us know how it goes...
Click to expand...

i'm pretty sure we had our man cards revoked when we admited we like sappy love stories in humblepie's thread... ah well, who needs one of those anyway...

and i like what oldsmoboat says.. obviously you cant' just say that, but that's definately something to throw in there.. and try to make it just about her.. tell her that she's special, and that she is your daughter, no matter what other people say

edit: i will also be in this situation eventually.. it probably won't be as hard for me, because my son's dad is still in the picture.. but his mom and i are getting married soon, and for all intents and purposes, i'll be his "everyday" dad..
 
she'll love you for being honest, she'll hate you for being a crack'a






no, seriously though, hope it turns out well, as I'm sure it will. You're a brave man (for having kids period)
 
The truth is what you need....in small doses....when she's ready, she'll ask questions...don't feel you need to reveal more than she can understand. She'll typically ask several times over the years to fully understand it.

She need to feel loved and accepted by you and the wife. There may be some sense from her that her dad abandoned her and she's worthless. Eventually, she may want to know more about him or actually find him and confront him.

Best of luck,

Gravity
 
Be honest.

Tell her like it is...no sugar coating etc.

Don't tell her that her biological father was mean, or didn't like her, etc. (Trust me on this one. My wife told our son (not my biological son) that his real (biological) father didn't like him. It took at least 2 days for her to talk out of that. Our son must have cried for 2 hours...and then asked questions for 2 days. He was 5 at the time)

We've never tried to hide the fact that he wasn't "mine"...and I think for the most part he understands...as least as much as a 7 year old can.

He and the wife still talk about when they met "dad". 🙂

-TK
 
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