need some help with women

[kcklla]

I need some advice on what to do about an email I got from my girlfriend, we havent been boyfriend and girlfriend for long only about 2 weeks, but we had been going out for about 2 months now and then last night I get an email from her...

I really have to talk to you. The reason that I was not really happy
today was not because of the fact I got my wisdom teeth out. It's because
I've been thinking a lot lately. About us. I really don't know how to say
this, but I have to try. There is a lot of stuff going on right now, and I'm
getting really scared. What I'm trying to say is that I can't handle a
boyfriend right now. I would still like to date you, but I can't be anything
more then that right now. I'm really sorry if I hurt you at all, but I think
that it would hurt you more if I lie to you. Call me tonight after you read
this if you want.

I really like her but I dont know what to say to her, we talked a little bit this morning and I had nothiing to say but 'why didnt you come to me and tell me your problems' I knwo it had to have been me she said somethign to lead to that a little I dont know what to do. so any help with me thankful, thank you in advance.

 

[nateholtrop]

move on and find another one.

nate

 

[kcklla]

well the thing is I really really like this one and I dont want to.

 

[SirFshAlot]

it means Move ON, brotha!

 

[Urinal Mint]

This sounds like a pile of BS to me dude... she's got guys on the side, and you're just one of em. Find yourself another plaything and make her jealous.

 

[Azraele]

Just try to keep the lines of communication open, and ask her if there's anything you can help her with. Ask her about why she's scared, and talk about the things that are going on. Be there for her, listen to her, and if she'll let you, offer to help her. Sometimes talking isn't what's important, it's listening.

 

[RaoulDuke]

ask for some of her vicodin before you move on.

 

[daveman]

Just date her when you don't have another date. If she knows your dating other girls she'll either want you or not.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

It sounds like she just doesn't want to go out anymore, I'm sorry to say. I don't know why - maybe she found out you don't have much in common or she isn't liking you as much as she thinks you like her - if you need to know, you're just going to have to ask her to be honest with you.

My suggestion - move on. The whole "I want to date you but not be your girlfriend" thing never works out, and it's tacky that she decided to do it via e-mail. You'll just end up getting hurt when she dates other people or finds someone she does want to be her boyfriend. Thankfully, you don't have a whole lot of time and energy invested in the relationship yet - as much as I'm sure you're hurting right now, it would have been worse if she'd waited until you'd been dating 2 years before she told you this.

Good luck!!

 

[vash]

Date her and don't be exclusive. Move on, find others and don't answer her calls. The more you don't answer her calls, the more she'll want to talk and get with you.

vash

 

[Scrapster]

Yeap, she's not into you anymore. Accept it and move on.

 

[kcklla]

well i think i will try dating other people, and I agree it was very bad she did it by email but what can you do, I think i will date her and others I think that will work out for the best, but I really like her adn so I guess when she is ready then maybe it will go farther I dont know, I know we werent moving to fast hell we only made out once but you never know. thanks for all this advice already it has help.

 

[nomahe]

<< Call me tonight after you read this if you want >>


Like everyone else says, she's not into the situation. If she really liked you, she wouldn't: 1. Tell you in an e-mail. 2.Tell you to call &quot;if you want&quot;.
If she wanted to work it out, she would have told you to your face and no problems she has would come between you. She would want to work it out together. Don't even try the dating thing, imo. It never seems to work out. Good Luck.

 

[kcklla]

nomahe, you just might be right. Maybe I just dont want to admit it, but she mght not like me anymore, I got a new email from her, she says she does but I just dont get it. I think it might be as simple as, were through.

 

[goshdarnindie]

I've been in and seen a lot of relationships. Now I don't know how old she is, and that would be important, but based on what I do know about the case is you should not see her again. Do not go out on dates with her until you can confidently say that you are not interested in her. Otherwise, you will be miserable.

Don't be surprised if she hooks up with someone right away. It doesn't mean she didn't like you or she was cheating on you. Women have this tendancy (generalization) to stay out of limited relationships only to fall right into long standing ones. She just sensed that the two of you aren't right together, but she must have seen value in you or she wouldn't have dated you in the first place.

Make sure you don't become her crutch and she yours. For a couple of months I wouldn't talk about each others relationships. You are now rebuilding a friendship, and it takes time after being intimate together.

Good luck, and if you need any advice, just post another OT

 

[Azraele]

Though it was tacky to tell you in email, give her a chance to explain herself before you go judging her. From her mail, it looks as though she's really torn and confused, frightened of something.

Unfortunately, I do agree with the others though, that while she welcomes you as a friend, it's more than likely over between you two. All you can do is listen to her, be there for her, and see where it leads from there.

One thing I would advise against is dating her while you are dating another person (she mentioned that she still wants to date you). I don't think it'd be fair to the girl you'd be dating if you were to date her too.

 

[GL]

If I ever got an e-mail like that from a girlfriend, I wouldn't respond to it and would wait for her to bring it up in person. In fact, I'd actively pretend never to have received it. That's just spineless...like dumping somebody in a public place. Telling somebody you want to break up with them should be done in private, and in person.

 

[SOONER]

Time....to....PUNT!!!!

 

[Ameesh]

let her go.

 

[1967mustangman]

It seems as if Azraele is right. Don't get sucked into the whole non-boyfriend date thing. That could get messy and you could get hurt. Be her friend. Listen to her if she needs to talk. Be there for her, but be there for her as a friend. If later on she decides that she really does want to date tyou then that is fine, but you need some level of commitment so neither of you get seriously hurt!

 

[IJump]

Don't let her go, send her on her way.(There is a difference, letting her go means she can stick around if she wants, sending her on her way means you are through with her) If this is the way she wants to be, she isn't for you.

After you find someone else and she comes crawling back, just tell her she missed her shot at the best thing that ever happened to her.

 

[GasX]

She is playing coy little power games. GTFO!!!


Unless you wil date other people and make sure she knows about it, you will get screwed by continuing to hang out with her.

 

[Jothaxe]

I have to agree with those that say you should try to move on. It may not be easy if you really like her, but apparently she doesnt feel the same way right now - this may or may not change in the future.

So the best thing is to resign yourself to the difficult idea that it's not working out, and start to move on. Ironcially, sometimes this action is enough for the girl to re-evaluate the situation. By showing that you are able to move on maturely, without making a big scene, it occasionally makes the other person realize what they are missing out on, and then they want you more than ever. I am not saying that your goal should be to make this happen, but if it did you could then evaluate the situation at that point with a much fuller perspective and a better hand.

Good luck man!

-jothaxe

 

[HVAC]

Don't make rash decisions. In relationship stuff, always go REAAAAAALLLLLLL SLOOOOOWWWWWW.
Crank it back down (in your mind) to a friendship at most.

At best she is sincere, has some emotional problems and hates confrontation (my wife is like this and tries to find indirect ways to tell people tough things).

At worst it is a blowoff.

But I will tell you this. Based on what you wrote, your response was good and it sounds like the problem(s) is/are hers alone.

However, if the relationship was physical, and you know what I mean, then you need to consider that both of you have been engaging in body-mind-spirit affecting behaviour that permanently changes you.

And don't forget mood swings. Everybody has them (that's a qualified &quot;everybody&quot.

 

[UnixFreak]

Oh.. where do I start..

#1. Breaking up with someone by Email is tacky. Very tacky. The fact that she cant say this to you in person shows she is either gutless, or you guys arent that close, or both.

#2. Two months is not a very long time. Generally they say it takes you half the time you were together to get over someone, and I say that is crap, it should be much less. In a week you should be over her. Two months is hardly any time really.


#3. Dont get serious with this girl. Read the posts above this one, she is playing games. She wants you to be all sad and wrapped around her. She wants you to be pining for her, because that is the attention she craves from you. You were too nice. I dont even know either of you, but I know you were too nice, and she made you a floormat.


#4. If I were you, and you need to take this seriously, I would send her an email back,
and it would say &quot;thank god, I was wanting to see other girls, and didnt know how to tell you.. now I can hook up with another skank, and not feel bad about it&quot; You dont have to be
this harsh, but get the point across that some other girl likes you. This will shock her, and probably turn things around. If she knows you will be at home crying, pulling your pud, she feels empowered, and has no respect for you. If you send her something back, implying other women want you, your property value goes up. I would do this, then dump her flat on her ass when she comes back.


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