Need some advice

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
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Here is a small list of things going on:

I live with my brother at college- he doesnt want to buy running shoes, so he steals mine-which I have told him I don't approve of. One evening we both plan on working out, and he wants mine. In fact he gets so mad, he proceeds to tell everyone what an asshole I am because I wont let him use my shoes when I need them...does this make sense? Slams his door swearing at me. I bought every single pair of shoes, all 3 of them at school here. Why should he be deserving of something I paid for?

Another instance-he doesnt buy his socks, but for some reason its my fault he doesnt have any socks, so instead of buying his own, he proceeds to tell everyone what an asshole I am for stealing his socks, when clearly I bought them myself...small, but still something else for him to b1tch about.

Another small tidbit- he manages to curse me out when I am using the internet because I am "disrupting his gaming" but I'm just browsing doing what needs to be done for class, so he proceeds to yell at the top of his lungs about what a complete asshole I am because I use too much of the internet.

In a nutshell he feels everything should be given to him-he doesnt have a job, therefore no money at school, so its MY FAULT he claims that he has no money...how is it MY fault? you are 20 years old, go get a job, get off your ass. My parents have given him a car in high school, I had no car in high school, he complains about how bad it is- yet he has made no effort to buy his own-all he does is bitch about it.

Now I am the older brother, I live right next to him in the hallway, what do I do? His favorite things to do is tell me how stupid I am, yet he failed in HS and ended up NOT getting into any college until he re-took courses to get into a university....he also enjoys just pretty much putting me down with every chance he gets, but its usually really small petty things that add up. He is my younger brother by 2 years. I have always been nice to him, and basically now, hes walking all over me.

He doesnt do anything but play video games, and maybe go to class, hes a pysch major. He likes to put everyone else down constantly, and it pretty much pisses me off, and now he enjoys trying to make me look like crap.

what would you do?

*Sorry its a bit of a rant, but I am pretty worked up about it, if you want more stories, I can shell them out for sure.

UPDATE: I am only here end of the semester, and hes not in my room, just in the same house. Only 4 people in this house.
 

Platypus

Lifer
Apr 26, 2001
31,046
321
136
And you put up with that sh!t?

Sounds like he's been spoonfed his entire life, let him fall on his face.
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
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Originally posted by: Platypus
And you put up with that sh!t?

Sounds like he's been spoonfed his entire life, let him fall on his face.

Do I do this by just cutting my ties with him? Just letting him not use my stuff? Minimal contact with him? Cause that is what I am thinking. I dont understand cause I sure as HELL was not spoonfed growing up. I had to work my ass off for everything, school, money, car expenses etc.

 

blackdogdeek

Lifer
Mar 14, 2003
14,453
10
81
move out and/or kick the sh!t out of him.

if you don't do the latter, someone or something later in life will. badly.
 
Jun 27, 2005
19,216
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You're the older brother. Kick him out or beat some sense into him. It's your duty as an older brother to show him how the world works.
 

mundane

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2002
5,603
8
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Originally posted by: Whoozyerdaddy
You're the older brother. Kick him out or beat some sense into him. It's your duty as an older brother to show him how the world works.

If you think you can take him, escalate it. Reassert your dominance.
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
move out and/or kick the sh!t out of him.

if you don't do the latter, someone or something later in life will. badly.


I assume he will get whats coming to him- I could well over power him, I'm a lot bigger than he is, and I dont think hes seen the gym in many years. But then again, I dont think he would get it then. IT would jsut renforce him telling everyone Im an asshole- if I beat on him, it makes me look real bad.
 

blackdogdeek

Lifer
Mar 14, 2003
14,453
10
81
Originally posted by: Randum
Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
move out and/or kick the sh!t out of him.

if you don't do the latter, someone or something later in life will. badly.


I assume he will get whats coming to him- I could well over power him, I'm a lot bigger than he is, and I dont think hes seen the gym in many years. But then again, I dont think he would get it then. IT would jsut renforce him telling everyone Im an asshole- if I beat on him, it makes me look real bad.

then move out and cut ties with him. you don't need such a negative influence.

life's too short. when he's ready to act like an adult he'll seek you out.
 

Platypus

Lifer
Apr 26, 2001
31,046
321
136
It's your job as an older brother to teach him how the world works, not his fractured view on how the world should work. Go call him out on all this crap.
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
Originally posted by: Randum
Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
move out and/or kick the sh!t out of him.

if you don't do the latter, someone or something later in life will. badly.


I assume he will get whats coming to him- I could well over power him, I'm a lot bigger than he is, and I dont think hes seen the gym in many years. But then again, I dont think he would get it then. IT would jsut renforce him telling everyone Im an asshole- if I beat on him, it makes me look real bad.

then move out and cut ties with him. you don't need such a negative influence.

life's too short. when he's ready to act like an adult he'll seek you out.

I like that, thats real good. I think thats the kind of way I am leaning. I mean as hard as it is to say right now, I'm here for him when he needs me, when I leave to go back home (i am graduating, home, meaning back to where we grew up) I know he will be in need.

 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: KarenMarie
Put a lock on your door.

Avoid your brother.

end semester this wont be a problem anymore.

Already changed the PW to my computer, good idea
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: nkgreen
ass whoopin'?


Long time coming, I assume one night this will probably happen-
Its so tempting, I own the router in the house...and pretty much have control over the net access, its so tempting to just cripple him blind.
 

BKLounger

Golden Member
Mar 29, 2006
1,098
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honestly you are the older brother. Assert some authority over the snot nosed little punk. If that means a good old fashioned ass whuppin so be it. Just make sure you know you can take him. If not then you are just burying the problem even deeper then. A couple of good beatings and then usually little brothers will fall into line right quick.
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
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I think i might do the cutting him off thing, he does use a lot of my stuff, I can just limit or cut that off. Pretty easy to do
 

altonb1

Diamond Member
Feb 5, 2002
6,432
0
71
Originally posted by: Randum
Here is a small list of things going on:

I live with my brother at college- he doesnt want to buy running shoes, so he steals mine-which I have told him I don't approve of. One evening we both plan on working out, and he wants mine. In fact he gets so mad, he proceeds to tell everyone what an asshole I am because I wont let him use my shoes when I need them...does this make sense? Slams his door swearing at me. I bought every single pair of shoes, all 3 of them at school here. Why should he be deserving of something I paid for?

Why do you have 3 shoes? :confused: You are pretty arrogant ig you think you need a third shoe for THAT! ;)

Overall, you need to just lock your stuff up so he can't use them. I know it sucks, but pack a large suitcase and put all of your shoes, socks, etc in it. Keep it in your car and he can't get to it.
 

Gooberlx2

Lifer
May 4, 2001
15,381
6
91
Yeah, I assume it's too late to just move out before the semester's end. So just lock everything of yours up, change all your PWs (sounds like you did), and generally make sure he can't get to any of your scheit. When he throws a stink tell him to grow the F*** up, and that you're not going to carry his weight around anymore. Also remind him that the more he bitches about you, the more of an a**hole he comes off to everyone else since he acts like such a petulant child.
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: Gooberlx2
Yeah, I assume it's too late to just move out. So just lock everything of yours up, change all your PWs (sounds like you did), and generally make sure he can't get to any of your scheit. When he throws a stink tell him to grow the F*** up, and that you're not going to carry his weight around anymore.

yeah thanks

well yeah the 3 shoes include, dress, everyday wear and then shoes to run in while working out!! I dont think thats all that too excessive? right?
 

BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
26,355
1,867
126
You're in a crappy situation.
My brother was a high school dropout, thief, drug dealer, pothead, irresponsible, lying, POS. After trying to get him to grow the fvck up about 900 times, I gave up and stopped talking to him.

Eventually, he got a job, passed his GED, bought a car (and actually made payments on time), so perhaps your bro just needs some time to realize that the world doesn't revolve around him and for him to grow up just a little bit. Acting like a 6 year old isn't healthy for someone who's ~ 20ish. (Plus or minus)
 

Randum

Platinum Member
Jan 28, 2004
2,473
0
76
Originally posted by: BurnItDwn
You're in a crappy situation.
My brother was a high school dropout, thief, drug dealer, pothead, irresponsible, lying, POS. After trying to get him to grow the fvck up about 900 times, I gave up and stopped talking to him.

Eventually, he got a job, passed his GED, bought a car (and actually made payments on time), so perhaps your bro just needs some time to realize that the world doesn't revolve around him and for him to grow up just a little bit. Acting like a 6 year old isn't healthy for someone who's ~ 20ish. (Plus or minus)

wow you hit the nail on the head, well he just took up heavy drinking and smoking, so we'll see if drugs follow. I think this is the week I just push him out of my life, im about to graduate and move on to law school, so I dont even need to really deal with him. My only concern is, I say that, then he ends up killing himself while hes in this "growing up stage"

 

Lithium381

Lifer
May 12, 2001
12,455
5
81
yeah i wouldn't deal with that, tell it to him straight, and to man up and stop being a little bitch, if not send him a wakeupcall
 

BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
26,355
1,867
126
Originally posted by: Randum
Originally posted by: BurnItDwn
You're in a crappy situation.
My brother was a high school dropout, thief, drug dealer, pothead, irresponsible, lying, POS. After trying to get him to grow the fvck up about 900 times, I gave up and stopped talking to him.

Eventually, he got a job, passed his GED, bought a car (and actually made payments on time), so perhaps your bro just needs some time to realize that the world doesn't revolve around him and for him to grow up just a little bit. Acting like a 6 year old isn't healthy for someone who's ~ 20ish. (Plus or minus)

wow you hit the nail on the head, well he just took up heavy drinking and smoking, so we'll see if drugs follow. I think this is the week I just push him out of my life, im about to graduate and move on to law school, so I dont even need to really deal with him. My only concern is, I say that, then he ends up killing himself while hes in this "growing up stage"


I'm not saying you should abandon your bro. For him to want to change he has to realize for himself that he's taking a path to nowhere. Perhaps consulting a psychologist would be beneficial to him as well, though my guess is that he'd resist going to see a "shrink."