need quick advice before girl calls back

[zixxer]

gotta make it quick -

I've been dating this girl ('Rachel') for a year. My best friend is a girl ('becca') I dated a long time ago (3-4 years?) (we're all 21)

I hang out w/ 'becca' very often. We are only friends - period and Rachel knew this before we even started dating i.e. pre-existing friendship. We sometimes all hang out (kind of different circle of friends though so it's ackward)


Rachel (current girl I'm with) is at her dad's who had surgery yesterday (cataracts or something?) taking care of him. After work I went and ate with becca (ex but friends), becca's sister and sister's friends, and a bunch of mutual friends (group of 8+ people). Rachel calls and I couldn't get to my phone. I call her back and she's was mad because i didn't answer... or something. I dunno what her deal was really. I think my phone called her while in my pocket and she was just annoyed. Anyhow I told her I'd call her right after dinner.

I call her (30 min later) and she's at starbucks with some dude she dated when she was 15 (6 years ago) who she has never even mentioned in the year we've dated.. I was a little weirded out but kind of like that's cool - I really wasn't aware that that was an 'okay' thing to do. I told her to have a good time - call me when she's home or whatnot, and that i was going to hang out w/ some friends from my previous job (who she knows I was intimate with almost every girl I worked with - but I was great friends with 8-9 of them even after I quit.. and she knew that I was friends with them) I mainly stopped hanging out w/ them because of that fact.. (sex+ new girl, etc..)

Now she's pissed. I was like wtf we both trust each other what's the deal... she said that it's different because i had sex w/ them...


Um, also I don't think i pointed out that Rachel CALLED the guy to hang out w/ him. Supposedly she saw him at starbucks the other day or something?

At this point I'm supposed to go hang out w/ a group of friends (2 of which I've 'dated' a couple years back, 2 of which I haven't,) and would not cheat on Rachel


Now - keep in mind - I'm mainly just being an asshole i.e. making a point. Go ahead, call me an asshole.


Now..... what is my defense! eep!


EDIT:
You guys aren't getting it.... this wasn't started by me "getting back at her"... it was started by her getting back at me. i.e. I am hanging out w/ becca and other friends (which I've been doing for awhile) and rachel got pissy, called an ex-bf and hung out w/ him for the afternoon. She was the one 'retaliating..'


I then made plans w/ a couple of girls I use to bang.. what's the harm?

Her 'issue' is that since she didn't sleep w/ this guy there won't be any flirting - and that since these were chicks I had slept with then the "temptation" would be there... I was basically like you have no reason not to trust me... and that the whole 'she didn't sleep with him' thing is stupid considering they were young(er) when they dated anyway.

 

[Kadarin]

Sounds to me like she's got serious insecurity issues, and needs to grow the fvck up.

 

[olds]

21 going on 12?

 

[Elderly Newt]

asshole

 

[SZLiao214]

Hmmm hopefully this doesnt become a competition to one up the other person. You hang out with an ex, she find an ex, you sleep at an ex's because you are too tired to drive back, she sleeps with an ex, etc etc. Good luck to you.

 

[Triforceofcourage]

Sounds like you set yourself up for this. She is just giving you a taste of your own medicine.

 

[compnovice]

wont be long before you have another "ex" to hang out with....

 

[SilverThief]

You're going to find that most women...nay...all women....are very two-faced about this topic. They can have friends of the opposite sex because "I just dont get along with other girls", but you my friend are never allowed to associate with the opposite sex.

that being said.....Tuna!

 

[Skeeedunt]

You don't need a defense. You can do what you want. Don't expect this relationship to last much longer though.

 

[zixxer]

Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Sounds like you set yourself up for this. She is just giving you a taste of your own medicine.

wtf!? how so??


IMO there is a huge HUGE difference between me hanging out w/ someone (who I've hung out with for the past couple years - way before I was with the current girl) in a huge group of friends and her calling some dude she has never even mentioned and hanging out w/ him at starbucks.

 

[hans030390]

I think you're both being crazy.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Your assurances should be enough for her and her's should be enough for you. This shouldn't be an issue at all IMO.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: zixxer

Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Sounds like you set yourself up for this. She is just giving you a taste of your own medicine.

wtf!? how so??


IMO there is a huge HUGE difference [snip]...

Huge difference to you. Not to her.

See, she called you while you were with your friends. That was to demonstrate to your ex that Rachel is still number one and your ex isn't. But then you didn't answer your phone. So that meant you didn't let her play alpha female. She didn't get the chance to prove she comes first. So now you must be punished.

 

[doze]

bleh... unless you are banging somebody else or somebody is banging your girl then who cares who eats with who or has coffee.

Your 21 man act like it

 

[jcuadrado]

never heard of so many ex's hanging out so much....you will have many experiences like this one and worse when dating because of hanging out with ex's. Trust me.

 

[kevinthenerd]

I think you should show her this thread. If you can't be straight with her, you really don't have much of a relationship with her. If you trust her and want her to trust you, should come out and say exactly what's on your mind, sugar-coating nothing. She might pick up on this once you do it a few times (and maybe hurt her feelings), but her trust in you will skyrocket as a result. Be brutally honest.

 

[kevinthenerd]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: zixxer

Originally posted by: Triforceofcourage
Sounds like you set yourself up for this. She is just giving you a taste of your own medicine.

wtf!? how so??


IMO there is a huge HUGE difference [snip]...

Huge difference to you. Not to her.

See, she called you while you were with your friends. That was to demonstrate to your ex that Rachel is still number one and your ex isn't. But then you didn't answer your phone. So that meant you didn't let her play alpha female. She didn't get the chance to prove she comes first. So now you must be punished.

That's crazy, but it's very, very true. Girls like it when you show that sort of commitment shown through exclusivity.

 

[AbAbber2k]

Wow, drama FTL.

If she can't handle the fact that you have female friends other than herself that you're not banging, tell her to take a fvckin hike.

If you've ever done anything to break her trust (cheating or anything else serious) then you deserve whatever she feeds you.

 

[eakers]

you are still in love with becca

/end thread

 

[Bryophyte]

Sounds like stupid high school drama.

 

[JS80]

dont do this http://prdifferently.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/07/how_not_to_act_.html

 

[drum]

i can't stand that crap. Hopefully you have more patience than i do

 

[zixxer]

ok her issue is that I've had sex w/ these girls and she hasn't had sex w/ this dude before.

 

[huberm]

listen to yourself - you are angry at her for the same reason she is angry at you. And later you go on to say something like "whats the big deal, we trust each other".

be a man, suck it up and apologize (whether you are right or wrong doesn't matter). It'll earn brownie points and she will be more likely to compromise in your favor.

 

[arcas]

...I was intimate with almost every girl I worked with...

You'd better nip that habit in the bud. I realize you're only 21 but sooner or later you're going to get burned by a workplace romance...All it takes is one jilted workplace lover to play the sexual harassment card and your ass is toast.