Need help...problems with girlfriend (i'm sad)

[tommigsr]

Good evening everyone....it's kind of late and I just got an e-mail from my girlfriend earlier today.



<< when i'm at a time in my life when i needed someone to talk to, i thought it would be you there... when i needed someone to hold my hand and guide me until the next day, i thought you would be there. i feel so alone. i feel like if i needed to tell you something, i wouldn't be able to. i want you to talk to me. i want you to tell me that it will be okay..and that i'm not alone and i don't have to deal with this by myself. but instead, you don't say that. you don't say much of anything about it. i'm not mad at you... i just sometimes wish that you can talk to me and comfort me... you know that today of all days, i shouldn't have been alone... whether phsyically or emotionally..and you did exactly that.. you slept. you didn't have to see me, but you could have at least tried to contact me every once and a while and see if i was okay.. or something.. if i said i had to go, then fine..but you could've still called.. you still could've checked up on me... please don't be mad at me..or sad because i told you.. i just wanted to tell you because i guess that this is the only way i can truly express myself to you... i love you... >>



She called me earlier today and she was crying with her parents in the background fighting and screaming. Her dad just came back from his trip to japan or something. and out of the blue she said that her father admitted that he was fawking around with other girls while he was away. now...what am i suppose to say? i said that's some messed up sh1t and that her dad shouldn't have done that. she simply replied back "yea well he did" what else am i suppose to do? i asked her if she wanted me to pick her up. i called her to talk to her but all i got was "i'll call you later". now she e-mails me and tells me that i don't call her...i'm not supportive...

This saddens me so and I just don't know what to do. My only stress out of my life is my girlfriend...can you believe that?

advice needed, thank you

p.s. please be serious for a moment...

 

[CooCoo18]

i cant help right now, its almost my bedtime, but i will try later!

 

[tommigsr]

<< i cant help right now, its almost my bedtime, but i will try later! >>

\

thanx

 

[CooCoo18]

no problem!

 

[mjquilly]

<< This saddens me so and I just don't know what to do. My only stress out of my life is my girlfriend...can you believe that? >>



are you kidding me? Ever since I started dating girls, girlfriends have been damn near the only stress in my life. Now it looks like I'm getting my self back into it again after this past weekend, but this time it's looking pretty good

 

[tommigsr]

<<

<< This saddens me so and I just don't know what to do. My only stress out of my life is my girlfriend...can you believe that? >>



are you kidding me? Ever since I started dating girls, girlfriends have been damn near the only stress in my life. Now it looks like I'm getting my self back into it again after this past weekend, but this time it's looking pretty good >>



i don't know why they stress us out so much...i really don't...wtf? hahaha i need someone with answers gosh darn it!

 

[mjquilly]

sorry if I looked like a smart-ass it that reply, but seriously, I totally understand you when you say that your only stress is from your girlfriend.

 

[Looney]

Man, girls are like that... they want to test how supportive you are, without having to ask for your support. Asking is to them a sign that you feel obligated to... instead, they want to know you really care, so they want you to initiate these support.

If i were you, i would call back and tell her you were sorry... that you misread some signs, and this is a bit more serious than you first realized... and if she brushes you off, keep at it... call back if she hangs up, ask to take her out (i don't know, pick up some ice-cream/coffee and go for just a long drive or something) to clear her head and away from all that conflict, etc.

Anyways, i'm not supporting all these headgames that girls play... i'm just suggesting some things to you that you might want to try if you want to make her happy.

 

[anonymouschris]

well, my advice is to wait it out. she is very emotional right now and might say a lot of things she doesn't mean. when she calms down and is more rational she will see what is actually happening. all you can do right now is continue to be supportive. write her emails, text message her, call her (maybe?). when things cool down she will know you were there for her.

 

[Mday]

um, then call her dammit.

gawd.

and don't go, "but you said you'd call me."

hehe, i hear girls hate that. i'd probably do the same and not call her back =\

what you do now, or later, is get her a rose (unless she's allergic). not a dozen mind you, a single rose. or her favorite flower, whatever it is.

geez, i hope you two are not in high school. -.-

 

[Rage187]

My wife says the same sh1t...


"You dont pay enough attention too me, and blah blah blah.."



They need to learn how to enjoy being alone..

 

[Looney]

Um, definitely don't 'wait it out'. Obviously the email she sent you was a sign that she's not getting enough support from you... CALL HER and take her out or something. I don't mean to make her happy (like to a party or movie), but just to help her clear her head and have somebody to talk to. She's feeling lonely right now... her family is on a verge of breaking up, everything that she thought was secure isn't so secure anymore, best thing you can do for her is be supportive.

 

[EDoG2K]

How into this girl are you? She sounds like she's pretty needy and carrying a good deal of baggage. Are you ready for that? If she's your only stress, is she worth it? I think you should be there for her, but you should also make it clear to her that her problems do not equal your problems, and while you want to help her, you have a life too, and she should respect that. That said, what the hell, she's guilt tripping you for not calling her back for the second time? I hate it when girls do that! damn manipulative women!


Okay.. now here's my deal; I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of almost 2 years- 1st and only girlfriend... EVER! And now i miss her something fierce, but I don't want to get back together because I don't think our relationship was the right thing, just we started and had it for so long we didn't want to end it because it was comfortable and we both were very co-dependent. So lately i've been missing her and part of me wants to call her but the other part of me says its too soon and i'm risking getting back together with her, which I don't want to do. I still want to be her friend, but I don't know how that's gunna work out either... how can i justify that to my new girl (when i get one)...... i mean.... she's been half my heart/soul for the last 2 years, i don't want to just never see her again... but is that my best option?

Did my need for advice just rule out my first paragraph of advice? Nahh.... I know how to deal with other peoples problems.. just can't figure out mine.

 

[TripleJ]

That email was quite sweet. She really needs you mate.

Watching my parents, my dad in particular, has taught me a lot. You need to know when to give them all your support, and when some space is needed. Still learning though...

 

[brxndxn]

Tell her in a forceful voice that you are always just a phone call away - and if you don't call her, it is not because you are not thinking about her. Dammit girls are soo stupid that way. She just needs someone to be mad at other than her father - and you have unwittingly nominated yourself as that sorry soul.

Show up at her house and give her a long, thoughtful hug before she has time to talk. If she tries to pull away, then say, "okay" and leave without doing anything else. Don't let her screwed up emotions make you upset - remember it's the girl's emotions that are messed up and yours aren't because you're the guy.

It's tough being firm in a relationship - especially when you are crazy for her. Make yourself realize that she will eventually go back to being happy and loving you like you are the most important person in her life - and if she does not, then she was not the one you were looking for and it's time for you to move on. I feel so bad for guys (or girls) that treat their relationship like one small fukkup will end the relationship by acting cautiously, being boring, and ruining any spontaniety or excitement that is an inherent part of the relationship. Confidently be yourself and do what you think is best while acting like you know it's best. She will respect you for that.

 

[johndoe52]

One of the things that I've picked up on is that you shouldn't really state the obvious. Such as "i said that's some messed up sh1t and that her dad shouldn't have done that". The only response to that is the one you got. That is a tough situtation though. Possibly ask her how she feels and ask for details. She if there's anything you can do or if she wants anything(which it sounds like you did). Also you could tell her that you're coming over. Even if just for a second. Parents don't like to fight when there's company(sometimes). And of course you're going to call her tomorrow. Be supportive and understanding. Be glad that she wrote you that and she's willing to communitcate(make sure you tell her that too...she'll like that). That's about all i can think of for now. Hope I helped.

CooCoo18....you suck. Try posting something useful.

 

[ugh]

Girls/ladies go into a relationship when they think that the other party can offer them security and most of all support. Perhaps this is the first time that you're tested to give her support when something as crazy as this happens. And BTW, this is when we really use our heads and THINK what to say to make things better. If you're not used to this, it can be REALLY stressful (speaking from experience {g}) The reason for her being sooo emotional is because her family is in the edge of breaking up. I'm sure that scares the living daylight out of everyone. So take that in account when talking to her.

What I can think of right now is to either go over to her place ASAP and talk to her. If you can't get to her place, call her. But I don't recommend it coz talking over the phone makes things worse sometimes. A big hug for a shoulder to cry on (literally) isn't too bad either. Once she has cried or expressed her feelings, then start consoling her. I'm not sure whether this will work, but it also helps if she's out of her house when you do this. Tell her that couples do fight all the time, things are gonna be ok and stuff like that. Try not to scream back at her when talking to her however she screams at you. This will keep things calm at your side. Just take it as a test of patience.

Best of luck.

 

[tommigsr]

<< Girls/ladies go into a relationship when they think that the other party can offer them security and most of all support. Perhaps this is the first time that you're tested to give her support when something as crazy as this happens. And BTW, this is when we really use our heads and THINK what to say to make things better. If you're not used to this, it can be REALLY stressful (speaking from experience {g}) The reason for her being sooo emotional is because her family is in the edge of breaking up. I'm sure that scares the living daylight out of everyone. So take that in account when talking to her.

What I can think of right now is to either go over to her place ASAP and talk to her. If you can't get to her place, call her. But I don't recommend it coz talking over the phone makes things worse sometimes. A big hug for a shoulder to cry on (literally) isn't too bad either. Once she has cried or expressed her feelings, then start consoling her. I'm not sure whether this will work, but it also helps if she's out of her house when you do this. Tell her that couples do fight all the time, things are gonna be ok and stuff like that. Try not to scream back at her when talking to her however she screams at you. This will keep things calm at your side. Just take it as a test of patience.

Best of luck. >>



Thank you for all the replies...but how does one console her about the father fscking other girls? will they ever be normal? what else can i say to her to make her feel better? i can go to her house right now until she wakes up and goes to school. when she comes out, she'll see me...i've had many previous girlfriends before, but never have i had a such a situation like this, hence the stress. and really...i HAVE no idea what to tell her...(yea i said things will be okay, and such and such...) but it is generic and it just doesnt' comfort her enough. (taking her out is out of the question, her parents wouldn't let her...and yes she's 18!!!) am i doing something wrong?

 

[monto]

perhaps she's too old for this, but you could mention she's not at all at fault for this, if she's worried she's prolly thinking about a potential divorce...if she has a sister, perhaps that's what she needs now instead of a ruffian like ourselves

 

[Migroo]

<<
They need to learn how to enjoy being alone.. >>



ROFL nice1

 

[Looney]

There's NOTHING you can say that will make things better... but the only thing you can do is comfort her. Like ugh said, on the phone that's difficult... i would go see her, all she really needs is support right now, not you to fix the situation with some words that will make it all better.

That's why i suggested going for a drive... then you can talk about other things to get her mind off that. Personally, when i deal with a crying girl, or one that's really upset, i change the topic somewhat after they calmed down a bit... not into anything serious, but something that will kill the silence, but will allow her to still say what's on her mind without feeling like she's interrupting a serious conversation.

She just needs to know you're there more than that you can fix the situation... which you can't, so i wouldn't even try. Don't start disparaging her father either.

 

[rubix]

about the ignoring here thing, just say this:

"i got your email and read it. i am sorry you feel that i haven't been there for you. i thought i was, but now i know you feel differently so i will try harder. i'm glad you told me."

about the dad cheating on her mom thing:

"i'm real sorry that happened and that your parents aren't getting along. maybe they will be able to make up and their marriage will become even stronger. if not, maybe it is for the best. i'll be there for you in the mean time if you ever need to talk."

 

[monto]

<< rubix's snippet >>

very sound advice, fortune cookie say "You will have a long prosperous future pimping"

 

[gopunk]

i don't get it, did she dump you or something? because i didn't read it in that snippet....

but anyways, just hold her, spend time with her, and say sappy stuff over and over again. ad nauseum.

 

[Passions]

tell her:

"SUP WIT CHOO WOMAN? WHY YOU GOTTA BE SUCHA WEAK SAUCE BEAAAACH! I AINT YO CHOFFER, DUN DUMP UR BAGGAGE ON ME WOMAN. SHOOT."

blahhh