Need help on a personal statement...why isnt this "narrative form"

[MrDingleDangle]

was told to resend my personal statement as a narrative form...here is an exerpt, what im I doing wrong?

description of what should be done in the p.s
Personal Statement In your own words, please discuss on separate pages:
(a) how your past education and work have prepared you for graduate study as well as your intended area of specializations and career plans; and
(b) your relevant research experience or other scholarly activity. Please indicate when, where, and with whom the work was done. Describe your role in the work and provide a brief summary of the research

While I was receiving my Bachelors of Science from the Johns Hopkins University in Biomedical Engineering, I had the opportunity to experience many different fields of research within Biomedical Engineering. I have been focused on applying computer techniques to biomedical applications such as medical imaging, computer modeling and medical localization (discussed below).
I worked for two years in the Ophthalmology department of the Johns Hopkins Medical Center. Specifically, I worked with Dr. Janet Sunness at the Johns Hopkins Wilmer Eye Institute on experimental methods to predict the onset of Macular Degeneration. This was my first position involving direct patient care, and I found the personal contact stimulating. This interaction strengthened my commitment to Biomedical studies.

 

[LinuxIdiot]

Wish I could help ya there, but just had to post a cool! post I am considering a Bio-medical engineering degree sounds incredibly interesting