Need help in writing an obituary

[slicksilver]

Mrs. XYZ was an apostle of love and affection ? full of life and always positive. We, her family, grew around her inculcating similar values, enriching our lives under her abundant care. Her vibrant life continues in a different realm, yet her presence remains in our lives showering us with warmth and joyfulness that has always been a part of her inspiring disposition.

We pray to the lord that she remains in our hearts and souls forever, and continues to be the beacon that lights our paths and guides us into future. We solemnly pray in thought, word and deed that may her sacred soul shine with divine radiance in heavenly abode.

Is this grammatically correct? Can you guys make any suggestions to better it?

Any opinions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

 

[Johntk5]

Don't include any reference to god. It makes her and her family sound like god freaks.

 

[MikeMike]

Originally posted by: Johntk5
Don't include any reference to god. It makes her and her family sound like god freaks.

:roll:

stfu and gtfo you troll.

anyways, it sounds good

perhaps, if it is to go in the papers however, talk about how many kids she raised, and how many grandchildren there were. (god, that is a lot for my family)

and the last 4 words you are missing something

"with divine radiance in heavenly abode"
"with divine radiance in a heavenly abode"

correct? or am i mistaking the meaning of that last part.

 

[Xylitol]

John, I'm almost sure that the funeral is being carried out by her (grandma) church.
If it is, then leave it
Remove "sacred" at the end, (I think it flows better and doesnt take out the meaning and feelings in your obit)

 

[Johntk5]

Originally posted by: Xylitol
John, I'm almost sure that the funeral is being carried out by her (grandma) church.
If it is, then leave it
Remove "sacred" at the end, (I think it flows better and doesnt take out the meaning and feelings in your obit)

Was thinking it would be for a newspaper.

 

[slicksilver]

Yeah mikemike, I'm not so sure about that too. Another thing I"m not sure about is "guides us into future" phrase. Is that correct? I'm thinking it should be "guides us into the future". What do you guys think?

Thanks Xylitol. I think I'll go with your suggestion.

EDIT : Its for the newspaper.

 

[Johntk5]

Originally posted by: MIKEMIKE

Originally posted by: Johntk5
Don't include any reference to god. It makes her and her family sound like god freaks.

:roll:

stfu and gtfo you troll.

anyways, it sounds good

perhaps, if it is to go in the papers however, talk about how many kids she raised, and how many grandchildren there were. (god, that is a lot for my family)

and the last 4 words you are missing something

"with divine radiance in heavenly abode"
"with divine radiance in a heavenly abode"

correct? or am i mistaking the meaning of that last part.

Wasn't trying to offend. Thought it would be for a newspaper or something. If I read an obituary like that in the newspaper, god freak would come to mind.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

It's a little bit wordy. Try to say what you mean, rather than what looks good.

And:

We solemnly pray in thought, word and deed that may her sacred soul shine with divine radiance in heavenly abode.

Move the "may" so it's after "soul".

 

[Johntk5]

Oh and no offense I think you should know, her soul isn't sacred, and it certainly isn't shining with divine radiance in heavenly abode. There is no heaven and there is no god.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: rajkanneganti
Another thing I"m not sure about is "guides us into future" phrase. Is that correct? I'm thinking it should be "guides us into the future". What do you guys think?

"guides us into the future" is correct.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: Johntk5
Oh and no offense I think you should know, her soul isn't sacred, and it certainly isn't shining with divine radiance in heavenly abode. There is no heaven and there is no god.

STFU already. This isn't about you.

 

[Johntk5]

Originally posted by: MmmSkyscraper

Originally posted by: Johntk5
Oh and no offense I think you should know, her soul isn't sacred, and it certainly isn't shining with divine radiance in heavenly abode. There is no heaven and there is no god.

STFU already. This isn't about you.

Just trying to give him a heads up on reality.