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Need an English Major or Teacher's Opinion on this.

S

SilentButDeadly

Senior member
I appreciate the help guys. This seems to be the best place to find help on my homework when I have questions. Here are my four questions:

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For example, we had a curfew of 7:00pm; therefore, I couldn?t spend the night at a friend?s house, and we had a huge list of chores that had to be done by the end of each day.

1.) Is that to many? I have like 1 Coordinate Conjunction, 1 Abverbial, and 1 Subordinate. I think that this would be alright in my essay, but not positive. Any suggestions? Could I keep it like it is?

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Even though life seemed great, there was a very dark secret that my father hid from my family for a very long time.

2.) I am stuck on this. I know I need to change atleast one of them, but I don't know what to...

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My father always seemed to be out of control and angry, which later on lead me to find out that he was a huge drug addict and alcoholic.

3.) Do you think I should change this to something like "which later lead me on to"? Does this sentence sound right?

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I?ve pondered over why he did this for such a long time, and (still) to this day I cannot begin to fathom his actions.

4.) Should I insert "still" into this sentence or just leave it out? I am not to sure. I think keeping it in sounds better, but would be gramatically wrong... I am probably wrong about this, some suggestions would be appreciated.

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I appreciate all the help in advance. This is for a paper that I have been working really hard on, and it's due tomorrow. I am really busy tomorrow, so I cannot go ask a professor. I am relying on ATOT people now 😀
 
Just quickly browsing over things:

2) you could change one of the very's to extremely or incredibly. Those are too synonyms I can think of off the top of my head.

3) change it to "which eventually led to my discovery that..."

4) you can put it in or leave it out, either way is correct. Personally, I would leave it out, as leaving it in is a bit repetitive.

Edit: Looking at #1, if you're going to leave the "for example" bit in, some part of me is saying that it should be followed by a colon, or at least a dash. Can't remember which is correct at the moment..or I could be completely wrong. Maybe change it around to something like:

"As an example, we had a curfew of 7:00pm, and therefore could not spend the night at a friend's house. We also had a huge list of chores that needed to be done by the end of each day."

If it's in that form, I want to say you could start with "For example," and leave the comma in, but I'm not positive.
 
1 - split it up.

For example, we had a curfew of 7:00pm, and therefore I was never able to spend the night at a friend?s house. Additionally we had a list of chores that needed to be done by the end of each day.

edit: beaten by edit.

also, note that in every sentence you're just using too many words. try and say things parsimoniously. look at every word (and sentence, paragraph...) and ask if it's really necessary, and if it's doing what you want it to. If it isn't, time to get rid of it.
 
Even though life seemed great, there was a very dark secret that my father hid from my family for a very long time.

2.) I am stuck on this. I know I need to change atleast one of them, but I don't know what to...
Click to expand...

You don't really need to change them. It reads like a stylistic choice. Using a synonym for "very" in this case sounds pretty bad. If it bothers you, the best thing to do would be to take them both out, all or nothing. Using "very" and a synonym sounds kind of bad.

My father always seemed to be out of control and angry, which later on lead me to find out that he was a huge drug addict and alcoholic.

3.) Do you think I should change this to something like "which later lead me on to"? Does this sentence sound right?
Click to expand...

Get rid of the "on". It's a colloquialism. "Which later lead me to find" or "which lead me to find" are both better. You have to ask yourself if the question makes sense, though. Did you find out through someone else that he had problems with addiction, or was it something you realized yourself? You're the only one who knows how accurate your sentence is, in this case. Maybe "which lead me to realize", if the findings in that sentence are bothering you.

I?ve pondered over why he did this for such a long time, and (still) to this day I cannot begin to fathom his actions.

4.) Should I insert "still" into this sentence or just leave it out? I am not to sure. I think keeping it in sounds better, but would be gramatically wrong... I am probably wrong about this, some suggestions would be appreciated.
Click to expand...

I think it sounds okay with or without. I'd leave it out, but don't let me influence your decision unduly. It's good for emphasis, but it's unnecessary.

For example, we had a curfew of 7:00pm; therefore, I couldn?t spend the night at a friend?s house, and we had a huge list of chores that had to be done by the end of each day.

1.) Is that to many? I have like 1 Coordinate Conjunction, 1 Abverbial, and 1 Subordinate. I think that this would be alright in my essay, but not positive. Any suggestions? Could I keep it like it is?
Click to expand...

It's a little awkward with that semicolon in the middle. You could split it into two sentences, as others have suggested.

 
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