Need advice regarding parentals... would like advice from some older adults in the house...

[Cuda1447]

Ok, so long story short here. Im 18, responsible. Don't get into any trouble. Lived in Michigan, moved to Florida at the end of my senior year with my parents. Left my dog in Michigan, with the intentions of getting him. My parents are horrible procrastinators and haven't retrieved my dog yet. I still live at home, and am currently attending college. I pay for my car myself (350 a month * ) but my parents pay for my insurance, cause its on their's so they just pay for all the cars. I want to drive from Florida to Michigan (a drive Ive made before with my mom, while following my dad when we moved to Florida) the day after Christmas with my current g/f. Plan to get up there the 28th, stay for a few days and get home about the 4th of January. My dad is OVER protective and basically says no way (in a much harsher way though). He won't listen to any of my reasoning. I not only want to visit my friends, and have a little fun but get my dog at the same time. Its completly practical, and Ive got it all planned out so that it will work (gotta save up some gas money though). But the only problem is my parents standing in the way. So the question is, do I do it against their will? Should I just get up and go during the night like I said I was going to? Ive never disobeyd my parents about something of this magnitude, but I feel its something I need to do.


Any parents want to give me some advice here? Please keep the sarcastic/stupid comments out of this thread. I would like some real advice.

 

[Looney]

Go get the dog! Parents be damned. You have to weigh the rewards/consequences. How valuable is your dog to you? And what do you think your parents will do? Kick you out of the house? Take your car from you? If the reward outweigh the consequences for you, then go for it!

 

[minendo]

Ask your dad what kind of things he had done to get into trouble while he was 18. Then counter with, but dad here I am asking for permission.

 

[Cuda1447]

Ive thought about both those things. My dad was a screw up at my age. No college, no nothing. Alcoholic most likely at the time (he's changed alot since then). But he basically says he's protecting me blah blah blah. And I doubt he would kick me out of the house. But I know he would be royally pissed, which is really what Im concerned about

 

[Xionide]

I am 16. But I am in a psychology class right now. Your parents are probably just having a hard time realizing that you are an adult now and that they need to realize its time for them to let go. You need to tell them that they are still your parents but you are resposible enough to make your own decisions. And maybe there problem is they want you around more over the holidays. maybe you could make a compromise?

-Xionide

 

[crt1530]

Is he saying no to the trip in general, or to the fact that you'll be staying in motels with your girlfriend?

 

[Looney]

Personally, i would just go. I wouldn't lie to him though, and tell him i'm not, then sneak off, that would just break the trust. But i would tell him i was going... is there anything he can really do to stop you? Just make it a point that you're going to be responsible, that you're an adult now, and you want to go get your dog.

 

[Azraele]

Have you asked him when you will be getting your dog?

 

[kranky]

Can you enlist your mom to help you convince your dad?

The key is knowing why he objects, then work on countering those arguments. It's worth every effort to get him to go along with you.

 

[GalvanizedYankee]

I helped raise two stepchildren, thats as close as I get to parent.

Push for it at spring break. Maybe your mom wants you home for the holidays.

The negatives: long drive, the radical weather changes at the hight of winter,
the number of drunks on the road in that time frame and you celebrating New Years
that far from them.

That said, my bro & I drove Rt66 from LA to Chicago alone in 65. I was 18, he was 21.
I did most of the driving.

Trust is hard to mend once broken.................

:sun:

 

[Cuda1447]

He will never get my dog if its up to him. He has made *plans* to get it before but it never gets done. I did tell them I was going to go. And told them with or without their permission. And the staying in a hotel with my g/f is not an issue.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: galvanizedyankee
I helped raise two stepchildren, thats as close as I get to parent.

Push for it at spring break. Maybe your mom wants you home for the holidays.

The negatives: long drive, the radical weather changes at the hight of winter,
the number of drunks on the road in that time frame and you celebrating New Years
that far from them.

That said, my bro & I drove Rt66 from LA to Chicago alone in 65. I was 18, he was 21.
I did most of the driving.

Trust is hard to mend once broken.................

:sun:

The weather is the worst problem. And only really... But I figure I will watch the weather channel/radio reports and if it gets sick then just get off the road.

 

[allisolm]

You asked. You and your dad discussed. He said no. If you were going to go regardless, you shoudn't have asked. Now you can still go, but don't whine if there are consequences. Don't forget that they apparently provide everything for you except your car payment (you didn't mention anything else). Are you willing to give any of that up for some fun, a visit with your friends and to pick up the dog? You have to pick your battles and this doesn't sound like an issue that provides much in the way of principle to hang your hat on. If you just want to exert your 18-yr old independence you might want to check and see what the cost (not monetary) might be before you do it.
Your dad might be unreasonable in this in your eyes but I can see his worries - relatively inexperienced drivers, long trip, girlfriend-type person (age?) driving a car he's responsible for, hotels(?), the whole sex thing, financing (it actually takes more than gas money) and there are probably more that I haven't even thought of at the moment.
Idea - use the money you would have spent to have the dog shipped to you.

Hope this at least provides you with some food for thought even if you don't agree.

 

[Gunther]

SAVE THE DOG!!! If I were in your situation I wouldn't disobey because the consequences can be pretty harsh especially if you are living with them. Just keep on trying to convince them that its ok to let you go, but don't be an annoying brat about it. Present your case in a calm and professional manner, try to convince whichever parent you are closer with first and use that parent against the other. Good luck.

 

[hoyaguru]

You're 18, you're an adult, do what you have to do and live with the consequences.

 

[Looney]

Your dad might be unreasonable in this in your eyes but I can see his worries - relatively inexperienced drivers, long trip, girlfriend-type person (age?) driving a car he's responsible for, hotels(?), the whole sex thing, financing (it actually takes more than gas money) and there are probably more that I haven't even thought of at the moment.

These are no doubt some of the reasons that his dad are worried about, but i think it's irrational. What's the difference between a long drive and a hour drive? Nothing but the time. The roads don't change, it's not like the further you drive, the more bandits there are out in the wild. As for gf and the sex thing, wtf? He's 18. And what's the danger in staying in hotels?

You're 18, you shouldn't be babied like this. At your age you're old enough to enlist in the military, fly across the world, kill others, and get killed yourself.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Moralpanic

Your dad might be unreasonable in this in your eyes but I can see his worries - relatively inexperienced drivers, long trip, girlfriend-type person (age?) driving a car he's responsible for, hotels(?), the whole sex thing, financing (it actually takes more than gas money) and there are probably more that I haven't even thought of at the moment.

These are no doubt some of the reasons that his dad are worried about, but i think it's irrational. What's the difference between a long drive and a hour drive? Nothing but the time. The roads don't change, it's not like the further you drive, the more bandits there are out in the wild. As for gf and the sex thing, wtf? He's 18. And what's the danger in staying in hotels?


You're 18, you shouldn't be babied like this. At your age you're old enough to enlist in the military, fly across the world, kill others, and get killed yourself


Thats exactly what I thought, and even told my dad.

 

[Cuda1447]

bumped for some more advice? Different point of views?

 

[meister]

 

[meister]

what exactly are his objections?

anyway, from your questions and the fact that you are concerned with how he feels...

Obviously you can do whatever you want. but sometimes the best thing is to not but show respect to to someone who obviously cares about you. How would you want your son to respond to you?

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: crt1530
Is he saying no to the trip in general, or to the fact that you'll be staying in motels with your girlfriend?

and what kind of dog is it? maybe he hates the dog

 

[Cuda1447]

He doesn't hate the dog (its a black lab, a big one) but it is definetly a nuisance at times. Takes alot to take care of him, but thats not really the issue. I believe the real issue is that he doesn't want me to go out on my own. Ala being in Hotels without an adult, driving long ways without an adult. Driving thru possible bad weather... he trusts me, Ive never done anything to betray his trust. He just keeps me in a shell. Maybe I should make him watch finding Nemo?

 

[Maetryx]

Instead of saving gas money, save for dog freight money. Have your parents send the dog by live animal air freight. This will save you a lot of time and wear and tear on the car *and* your parents won't be upset with you.

 

[SammyBoy]

are you a good driver? If you suck at driving i'll give you different advice, because sucky driving x 2000 miles = lots of sucky driving.

 

[Cuda1447]

Ima good driver.