need a quick revision of a single sentence for a paper

[SarcasticDwarf]

This sentence just isn't comming out right. Can anyone make any suggestions on how to revise it to be more fluid?

These small parties are able to have a greater influence on their region?s politics because of their multi party system (versus the United States? two party system).


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[KLin]

you really don't need the parentheses.

 

[Mo0o]

Due to their multiparty system, the small parties are able to exert a greater influence over their region's politics. (it's in passive so im not surei f you like that)

 

[TechnoKid]

Split the sentence. Put a period after "politics" and then put "This is" infront of because. Sounds good to me.

on second thought, the "These..." at the beginging of the sentence makes it weird. Take it out and it sounds ok to me.

 

[pnho]

Due to the multi party system, these small parties are able to have a greater influence on their region's politics.

 

[SarcasticDwarf]

Originally posted by: TechnoKid
Split the sentence. Put a period after "politics" and then put "This is" infront of because. Sounds good to me.

on second thought, the "These..." at the beginging of the sentence makes it weird. Take it out and it sounds ok to me.

Thanks, that works great.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
Due to their multiparty system, the small parties are able to exert a greater influence over their region's politics. (it's in passive so im not surei f you like that)

Hmm...doesn't look passive to me. Seems like a good revision.