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My wife?s free loading best friend

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Originally posted by: KMurphy
This is a messed up situation. You need to take control. If you can't, then this relationship is over. You need to develop a plan for what to do after your wife leaves you. Sounds like they are both the couple and you are the bread winner. I would end up in jail over that situation (done it once already). Sorry you have to go through it.
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Anything you want to share? If not, that's cool too.

As to the OP:

Keep records of money spent on this "friend" but also talk with your wife. If she doesn't listen, you'll probably have to pull the trigger on a divorce. Good luck with whatever happens.
 
Originally posted by: RyanSengara
Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
You are a sorry excuse for a man. Tell your wife that her free-loading has got to go as she is affecting your family in a negative way. If your wife doesn't want to change, then you have to leave. Stop whining about how bad the situation is and take some action. The world isn't fair and you can't expect everything to work out how you want it unless you make proactive steps to change things.
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Hey shut up d!pshit.

If everyone was a real excuse from a person, and everyone was as honorable as they were supposed to be he wouldn't have to stand up for himself, and his wife would know where her loyalties lie.

He's just in a ****** situation.

I'm going to say lay it down with your wife, if she doesn't agree with you then drop her ass.

Keep records of how much money you've been spending on the freeloader and use this in the divorce.
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Thankyou its a temp problem my wife knows how I feel but at this time doesnt care to do anything about it. I just told her I am going to talk to her friend since she wont listen and she got very upset but I think she has come to terms with how I feel about it now anbd not just a thing I say in passing. A wonderful fight it is I just locked her out of the bedroom.

There is no need to call me a sorry excuse of a man, I'm sure your not even married nor have even had to deal with women while living together. Wait till you get there so I can call you a sorry excuse for a man when you have an issue.

 
Originally posted by: Merlyn3D
1) how are you so sure your wife's thing with this chick has ended?

2) why in gods name would you want to even consider leaving your kids in the care of someone so irresponsible (that chick)?
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No reason to believe its going on with the way they act or the time they spend together her friend has a live in girlfriend and I do trust my wife.

Its not that I want her to its the principle of it, why should we have to watch her kids and not her watch mine.

 
Originally posted by: lupi
Tell her either the friend joins for some three's company or she's never to be seen again.
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Hell I'd be all over that if she wasnt a Fasty. (fat nasty for those who dont know what fasty is) My wife is thin and pretty so the third will need to match up.
 
Have you thought about marriage counselling?

Because I seriously doubt you can solve this one on your own.

If you can't or won't, I have another suggestion or two.

Write down a list of everything this woman does. Not a whiny/rant list like your post, but a completely provable list of her manipulative behaviour.

Start with the past: She's a lesbian, but lived with this guy for x years for room and board?

Her current gf buys her everything.

Some of the above sounds like personal inference, unless you can back it up, leave it out.

And obviously, avoid the former relationship crap.

Sit down with your wife and point out to her that this is a hardship on your entire family, not just you.

That fact that
A) You cannot afford the food for the extra child would indicate that your own biological children are (possibly) being shortchanged.
B) Friend offered to pay $X. And has not done so. This was /supposed/ to offset the cost of daycare lack of a job for your wife.
C) Friend had also aid she'd pay for when she was living with you. This also hasn't happened. Points B and C at least, were experienced BY YOUR WIFE. Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.
D) You're toilet training the child. This to me at least, is a salient fact that should not be overlooked. Ask your wife to imagine the circumstances that would involve someone else toilet training HER children.

I would suggest doing this some evening after the other children are in bed. Do this somewhere that is comfortable for both of you. This should not be a confrontation. Calmly ask her how she would explain these things, particularly the lack of payment and financial difficulties involved.
 
If she isn't putting you first what the hell is a relationship about. BOTH couples should put each other FIRST.


And if you really feel telling that free loader off means you lose your wife...well its going to make life a lot harder.

But if your wife knows how you feel, and you have stated she does, then she isn't worthy of your love and care and all the effort you are putting into her.
 
Originally posted by: KK
Tell your wife that she isn't watching the brat anymore.
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Why would you take it out on the child? Doesn't sound like the little one has done anything wrong to me.
 
The problem is between you and your wife, not between you and her friend. You need to work it out with your wife.

Your wife either doesn't understand that this is killing your marriage, or doesn't care. I know you've talked about the money a lot, but that's not the real problem, is it? It's that she puts her friend first. I'm not saying the money is totally irrelevant, since your family is down about $800-$1000 a month (between your wife's lost income and the babysitting expenses you incur). Does your wife appreciate what an impact that has?

If you explain to your wife that it's important to you to be able to take her out to lunch and have a date night and put boundaries on the babysitting, and she won't work with you to find a middle ground, talking to her friend is not going to solve anything. It really won't.

You won't win if you insist on putting an end to the babysitting. But there is room for much improvement in to what degree your wife should be expected to babysit.

I think counseling is absolutely the right next step for you both. Please do it before things get any worse. And the best of luck to you.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
The problem is between you and your wife, not between you and her friend. You need to work it out with your wife.

Your wife either doesn't understand that this is killing your marriage, or doesn't care. I know you've talked about the money a lot, but that's not the real problem, is it? It's that she puts her friend first. I'm not saying the money is totally irrelevant, since your family is down about $800-$1000 a month (between your wife's lost income and the babysitting expenses you incur). Does your wife appreciate what an impact that has?

If you explain to your wife that it's important to you to be able to take her out to lunch and have a date night and put boundaries on the babysitting, and she won't work with you to find a middle ground, talking to her friend is not going to solve anything. It really won't.

You won't win if you insist on putting an end to the babysitting. But there is room for much improvement in to what degree your wife should be expected to babysit.

I think counseling is absolutely the right next step for you both. Please do it before things get any worse. And the best of luck to you.
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And if your wife won't go to counseling, there is a very, very hard fact that you are going to have to accept, and, more importantly, act on.

 
Originally posted by: AMDMaddness
Originally posted by: KK
Tell your wife that she isn't watching the brat anymore.
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That wont do a bit of good my wfie doesnt care what i say about things like that. I can't put my foot down with out her turning it on me. I am half tempted to tell her friend off at the risk of maybe loosing my wife.
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Then she really isn't your wife. If she puts her friend before you, it's because her friend means more to her than you do. Thats a very sad thing indeed, sorry man.
 
Hmm... I think that AMDMaddness is missing an opportunity here. Instead of whining about her kid, he should be looking for some manage a trios action 🙂
 
Originally posted by: AMDMaddness
Originally posted by: KK
Tell your wife that she isn't watching the brat anymore.
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That wont do a bit of good my wfie doesnt care what i say about things like that. I can't put my foot down with out her turning it on me. I am half tempted to tell her friend off at the risk of maybe loosing my wife.
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leave the marriage if your wife picks her over you!
 
Dude, as many before me has said, GET RID OF THE WIFE!

The wife doesn't care about you. She cares more about her "friend" than you. Get a lawyer, and file divorce.
 
Originally posted by: AMDMaddnessMy wife?s friend is a lesbian and at one time her and my wife were tangled up..........

I want to go on a date with my wife be she refuses
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Unfortunately there might be more to the story. Either your wife doesn't want to let go or the friend doesn't.

 
Originally posted by: kranky
The problem is between you and your wife, not between you and her friend. You need to work it out with your wife.

Your wife either doesn't understand that this is killing your marriage, or doesn't care. I know you've talked about the money a lot, but that's not the real problem, is it? It's that she puts her friend first. I'm not saying the money is totally irrelevant, since your family is down about $800-$1000 a month (between your wife's lost income and the babysitting expenses you incur). Does your wife appreciate what an impact that has?

If you explain to your wife that it's important to you to be able to take her out to lunch and have a date night and put boundaries on the babysitting, and she won't work with you to find a middle ground, talking to her friend is not going to solve anything. It really won't.

You won't win if you insist on putting an end to the babysitting. But there is room for much improvement in to what degree your wife should be expected to babysit.

I think counseling is absolutely the right next step for you both. Please do it before things get any worse. And the best of luck to you.
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Sounds about right.
 
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