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my wife has been offered a job

P

PlatinumGold

Lifer
our youngest will start kindergarten next fall. the two older ones are in 2grade and kindergarten this year.

it's a good opportunity, she will start as a paralegal in a single lawyer firm and he wants her manage the office within a couple of years (currently he is managing the office himself but his volume of work is getting overwhelming).

to be honest, it's not about the money she would make, for the first couple of years, she would just break even, daycare for youngest and after school program for two older ones would = her take home pay.

the main reason we are considering it is: she wants to have something to do once our youngest goes to school.

we are leaning strongly towards it now (it would mean i would have to contribute a lot more housework).


any thoughts?
 
well my first thought is of course adultery. 😉 But if it's all good, that's a nice career path, given that she won't be doing too many hours at this single-lawyer place.
 
all i can say is my friend works paralegal. she works LOOOONG hours (comes home after dinner at the office)
 
If money is not an issue I'd leave it totally up to her. I can understand her wanting to break away from the "home" routine, it can get pretty tiresome. Plus, kiddies will grow-up someday, so she'll have a headstart on a good career.
 
In my experience I never again want to work for an 'entrepeneur' Every dollar they give you comes out of their paycheck, and it never seems to come easily.

I like working for a medium-large business. My job is clearly defined and I can do it and go home. If I want to contribute more there is the option, but I never feel I HAVE to because if I don't the business will go under.

If I wanted that responsibility I'd go into business for myself...

Just my opinion.

I'd want a contract or some definition of what her responsibilities are before even considering it. <---(period)
 
Originally posted by: AnyMal
If money is not an issue I'd leave it totally up to her. I can understand her wanting to break away from the "home" routine, it can get pretty tiresome. Plus, kiddies will grow-up someday, so she'll have a headstart on a good career.
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oh it is totally up to her.

my position is, somewhat neutral with a leaning towards her taking the job.

she doesn't like change but she is weighing her options right now.

i'd like to get some thoughts from couples that went thru something like this too tho. someone who had a wife go back to work or a wife who did go back to work and how that changed the family dynamics.
 
Originally posted by: djheater
In my experience I never again want to work for an 'entrepeneur' Every dollar they give you comes out of their paycheck, and it never seems to come easily.

I like working for a medium-large business. My job is clearly defined and I can do it and go home. If I want to contribute more there is the option, but I never feel I HAVE to because if I don't the business will go under.

If I wanted that responsibility I'd go into business for myself...

Just my opinion.

I'd want a contract or some definition of what her responsibilities are before even considering it. <---(period)
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good thought.

 
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
 
Originally posted by: WingZero94
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
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it's not the money.

and there is a concern for our youngest being in daycare.

ultimately for me, it's her decision. we decided together that she would stay home until the youngest went to kindergarten, this opportunity came a bit sooner than we had wanted so that's why it is a point of discussion for us.

if it were up to me only, i would be happy to have her stay home till youngest is in 5th grade.

we all make compromises in life.
 
Originally posted by: WingZero94
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
Click to expand...

While I didn't agree with you on Jon Stewart (😉), I do agree with you here.
 
Originally posted by: misle
Originally posted by: WingZero94
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
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While I didn't agree with you on Jon Stewart (😉), I do agree with you here.
Click to expand...

Amen!
 
Originally posted by: rh71
well my first thought is of course adultery. 😉 But if it's all good, that's a nice career path, given that she won't be doing too many hours at this single-lawyer place.
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yup... those lawyers are filthy liers and she might get caught up in a torrid love affair.... in the end you get the shaft, with the kids.
 
If she's just going to be breaking even for the first few years...I say don't do it. A daycare will never do as good of a job raising a kid as you could, and I just don't see the benefit if you aren't making any money out of the deal. djheater brought up a good point as well about businesses like that. Its hard now because things are more expensive...but a little belt tightening should easily get you through. Just MO though.
 
i'm going to totally disagree with everyone.

a cold will help his/her immunity system.

the time that the kids spend with other kids helps their social skills. without those your kid could have problems later on.

your wife may need something more in her life besides taking care of the kids. she may be a little bored with watching barney and pokemon. this could give her something more to talk about with you...which could be bad too.

 
Originally posted by: PingSpike
If she's just going to be breaking even for the first few years...I say don't do it. A daycare will never do as good of a job raising a kid as you could, and I just don't see the benefit if you aren't making any money out of the deal. djheater brought up a good point as well about businesses like that. Its hard now because things are more expensive...but a little belt tightening should easily get you through. Just MO though.
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again, it really isn't about the money, but for her to establish a career, what djheater says is true but a couple of years working in his office will mean a better resume for her when she goes for the corporate jobs later.

good thoughts all tho, there are no wrong opinions in this thread. ultimately it's about the choices we make.
 
Originally posted by: Qosis
Originally posted by: misle
Originally posted by: WingZero94
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
Click to expand...

While I didn't agree with you on Jon Stewart (😉), I do agree with you here.
Click to expand...

Amen!
Click to expand...


Heh, thx!
 
My thought is to take whatever choice your wife wants. If she wants to work and she decides to stay home, she might regret that and possibly blame you later on if you push for her to remain home. I don't think you should hold her back from whatever her dream is, be it stay at home or reenter the workforce, but this is one decision that should be hers.

You should tell her that regardless of what she wants to do that you will be there for her and make any necessary changes for it to work out.
 
Originally posted by: notfred
I call BS on this "40 colds a year" statistic.
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Not an argument. Just got that information from our pediatric nurse. Numbers were approximate. If I can find solid evidence i'll post.
 
Originally posted by: WingZero94
Originally posted by: Qosis
Originally posted by: misle
Originally posted by: WingZero94
My thought is NOT to take the job. Let me explain:

If the job she is taking will just pay for daycare/etc for the kids, then there is no monetary gain from this. Why have kids if you are not going to raise them? Kids that are in daycare average 40 colds per year. If each cold lasts one week, then 40 out of 52 weeks your kids are sick. This is compared to 10 weeks for kids that stay home. Now, I realize that they are going to school, however the summer should be time that you really get to know them. If your wife can be there for your kids, before, during and after school it will be worth far more then any job would. Waiting until they are at least past 5th grade will help your family greatly. After all, what is important to you... family or money/career? I'm assuming it is family. My wife could work and we'd have a lot of extra money, however she chose to stay home and raise our daughter. We feel that we can benefit in the long run by having better family life, our own values instilled in our children and better relationships. Plus it can make you all healthier because she can cook you good meals/lunches! After the kids are of a certain age and can be self sufficient, then she could get a job. Yes it may be a while, but having kids demands certain sacrifices. I guarantee for your sacrifices there will be rewards though. My .02 cents.

Paul
Click to expand...
While I didn't agree with you on Jon Stewart (😉), I do agree with you here.
Click to expand...
Amen!
Click to expand...
Heh, thx!
Click to expand...
Absolutely! Why in the world would anyone think that some minimum wage daycare worker can take care of their child as good as their mom and dad???

Your wife's "career" will still be there in a few years. Your kids' first accomplishments will not. Oh well, they can show the daycare worker their first lost tooth, or their first reading experiences, etc... I'm sure that will mean exactly the same thing to them.

When they have a hard day at school, they can turn to the daycare worker.

How about when they start organized activities... Sports, after school events, etc?


As a parent of two boys, I can't vote strongly enough AGAINST daycare. Especially if it's voluntary, as in this case.
 
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