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My State of the Union Address

SSSnail

Lifer
Nov 29, 2006
17,461
80
86
<applaud>


<applaud>
My fellow Americans, as some of us may know, things are <applaud> not all rosy. I know times are <applaud> hard and it's getting harder for you to put food on your family, but don't worry, it'll get worse.<applaud><applaud>

<applaud>

I <applaud> really hate to paint a gloom and doom <applaud> picture, but if for some reasons you don't get the brutal truth through your regular news outlet, I think it's my responsibility to tell you so. At least I think I owe <applaud> you that much.
<applaud><applaud>

<applaud>


<applaud><applaud>

Our economy is in the crap<applaud>per, we have a giant credit <applaud> crisis on our hand that we have yet to see the full impact of a fall out, our trade deficit remains and manufacturing is actually shrinking, we're way stretched out our military and foreign relation is... well, I never had any foreign relations, hehe <applaud>. We've been spending <applaud> and borrowing as a nation way more than we make, I know it's a template for bankruptcy but don't worry, I have plans. <applaud> Some of you may say that you've seen a collapse of another giant industrialized nation <applaud> very recently because they overspent themselves and were very much in a similar situation as we are now, you're kidding yourself. We have more problems to worry about than they did. They did pretty much the same thing we are doing, which was destroying the middle class by letting inflation ran rampant, among other things. But don't worry, you'll never see that happen to us because we're infallible, invincible, and untouchable. We don't fuzz any inflation numbers, we never fuzz any inflation numbers. Hmmm... I wonder how our friend Putin is doing now, I think they're doing better. <applaud>

Don't worry about the free falling <applaud> dollar, if you don't have money, I'll have my buddies print more <applaud>. You see, if you have 5 dollars and now I print 5 more dollars, you have 10 dollars and that means you have more money <applaud>. See how that works? I'm such a genius some times. At the same time, I'll get that Bernanke guy to cut rates to delay the inevitable, so my friends, I mean we, the people <applaud>, can make or save more money. Because you know, every time he cuts rate, it's good for everybody. <applaud><applaud><applaud>

I know gas prices are at all time high <applaud>, and that drives up cost of everything <applaud>, but don't worry we've calculated that into the inflation numbers (hey, did we do that? you mean we didn't...) Heh <applaud>... just don't buy other things, for instance if you eat less, then you'll have more money to buy gas, then you can go to work to make more money to buy gas. See how that works?<applaud>

Hey Condi<applaud>, how's that latest batch of cool-aid doing<applaud>?<applaud><applaud>

Anyways, I was saying something about gas <applaud>. Speaking of gas, I'm glad that Obama <applaud> guy is taking all the spotlights, because I don't see a lot of people talking about me anymore. Oh, and don't worry about what's going on Wall Street, I know most of you don't know where it is so why worry about a silly street. <applaud>

Oh, and to the expats or expatriates, that means you are foreigners. You deserve a pay cut every month. You traitors. <applaud>

I still work hard <applaud> everyday <applaud>, on my retirement <applaud>. At the same time, I still do all I can <applaud> to ensure my legacy to you <applaud>, to this nation, one to be remem<applaud>bered. Well, good luck <applaud>, take <applaud> care <applaud> and mission accomplished.<applaud><applaud><applaud>

<applaud>

<applaud><applaud>

Edit: God Bless America!

Or, as Pastor Wright would say it, God damn America, which is the same thing. You see, you have to damn it to make it better, so he just really want to make America better. <applaud>
 

Slew Foot

Lifer
Sep 22, 2005
12,381
94
86
Buried in all of the stock market banking hoopla of the past couple days was a huge jump in inflation, Feb. core inflation up 0.6%, WAAAYY above the 0.2% they like to keep it under. But that's OK, slash the interest rates some more, weve got plenty more money where that came from.
 

KB

Diamond Member
Nov 8, 1999
5,195
243
106
You need to add these words randomly: terrorism, terror, WMDs, terrorism, Al Queda, terror campaign, Iraq, terrorism, Bin Laden, bomb, terrorism
 

Moonbeam

Elite Member
Nov 24, 1999
67,522
4,198
126
I'm going with love harmony and beauty. Thy Will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I vow to save all sentient beings.
 

Robor

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
16,979
0
0
Originally posted by: KB
You need to add these words randomly: terrorism, terror, WMDs, terrorism, Al Queda, terror campaign, Iraq, terrorism, Bin Laden, bomb, terrorism
And freedom and democracy. Don't forget a heavy dose of freedom and democracy.
 

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