Saw Attack of the Clones yesterday. Went in expecting good things, left very dissappointed.
Things I thought Lousy:
the title. sorry, not even "the empire strikes back" is as corny a title as "attack of the clones." And the clones weren't even the focal point of the movie!!! Now that i've seen it, Lucas should have named it:
"Attack of the Bad Screen Writing"
or
"The Continuance of the Lousy Actors"
or
"Lots of Nice Pretty Flashy Pictures"
or maybe even
"That Movie That Serves As A Launchpad for Millions of Dollars of Toys, Computer Games, and Jar-Jar Binks Dolls"
or finally
"The Movie Where People Finally Realized That George Lucas Can't Make Good Movies No More"
Here are some other scenes that annoyed me or frustrated me or made me laugh.
when amidala got tossed out of a speeding cruiser and fell onto a big sand dune and rolled like 50 feet, and is knocked unconcious. storm trooper walks up "are you okay" and she dusts off, gets up like she awoke from a nap and says "Yes." HELLLO!!! Where's the concussions? Where's the sand in the hair! Where's the broken ribs? Where's the "ouch"?!?!!
amidala's ever-so-sappy confession of luv before the Austin Powers-ish executions. "I truly.... deeplyy.... ridiculously.... love you.... blah blah blah blah blah!!!" CRAP!
also, why not just kill the good guys? from Austin Powers:
"Dad, look, I have a gun in my room. You give me five minutes, bam, bam they're dead!!"
Dr. Evil: "You just don't get it, do you son."
Augh!
And what's with Bobba Fett being such an annoying little twerp? "Yeah, get him dad!! Fire!! Yeah!! Get him dad!! Woohoo!!" Man, if my kid did all that while I was try to kill a Jedi, I would have jettisonned the little nuisance! honestly.
Although I do admit that the "seismic" charges were cool, tell me why exactly the missile that Janga Fett shot slowed down? He fired the missile, it sped up and caught up with Obiwan in no time flat, and then the missile spent five minutes chasing him around. The missle was ten feet away from the tail of the jedi starfighter the whole time. ridiculous.
Oh, and what about the part where Janga Fett kills that jedi? That jedi jumps down next to Count Doodoo and Janga Fett shoots like four shots and the jedi can't deflect them all? Since when!!? Then Count Dookie's all "Thanks dude" and Janga's all "I'm cool, lemme spin my gun on my finger!"
And what about when Amidala jumps off the big pillar in the arena and kicks that cheshire-cat-looking white tiger thing, and then we see it lying on the ground in pain, whimpering like a kitty. Come on! How is that possible?!
And let's not forget all that classy acting. At the end of every other scene, Anakin would be shooting this soap-opera caliber evil grin or dirty look at queen amidala. come on, Lucas! Can't you think of something better to end your scenes with than the same thing you see on Young and the Restless?? And let's also not forget Anakin's mother's death scene.
And what's with Anakin's new hand? The techonology of the universe can clone humans and create massive starships, but they have to give this jedi this big ol' freaky alien lookin' hand with big ol glowing fingers? What happened to five fingers and a glove, for pete's sake?!
As for the Amidala-Anakin scenes, puhleeze!! I actually laughed out loud AT the movie in the theater when Amidala was frolicking in the rolling hills. I wanted her to start singing "the hills are alive with the sound of music.... LA LA LA LA LA" COMICAL. And then a poorly-computer graphics Anakin comes in riding a big walking rodan turd of some kind. That CG is SO bad. That didn't look real at all, and CG is supposed to be Lucas' strong point, isn't it?
Finally, the sword duels weren't nearly as impressing. Ray Parks, acting as Darth Maul in the Episode I, really made some of those sword duels very impressive. In fact, one of my favorite scenes from the first is the final fight between Maul and Obiwan. But even Yoda's Pikachu-like bouncing around didn't really impress me as believable, and watching him fight was much less entertaining than when I saw two real humans fighting in Episode I.
There's so much more I could say about this movie. Needless to say i was thoroughly unimpressed.
Sorry to you Star Wars loyalists out there... I really wanted this to be a solid movie, at least on par with Episode I, but it wasn't.
Things I thought Lousy:
the title. sorry, not even "the empire strikes back" is as corny a title as "attack of the clones." And the clones weren't even the focal point of the movie!!! Now that i've seen it, Lucas should have named it:
"Attack of the Bad Screen Writing"
or
"The Continuance of the Lousy Actors"
or
"Lots of Nice Pretty Flashy Pictures"
or maybe even
"That Movie That Serves As A Launchpad for Millions of Dollars of Toys, Computer Games, and Jar-Jar Binks Dolls"
or finally
"The Movie Where People Finally Realized That George Lucas Can't Make Good Movies No More"
Here are some other scenes that annoyed me or frustrated me or made me laugh.
when amidala got tossed out of a speeding cruiser and fell onto a big sand dune and rolled like 50 feet, and is knocked unconcious. storm trooper walks up "are you okay" and she dusts off, gets up like she awoke from a nap and says "Yes." HELLLO!!! Where's the concussions? Where's the sand in the hair! Where's the broken ribs? Where's the "ouch"?!?!!
amidala's ever-so-sappy confession of luv before the Austin Powers-ish executions. "I truly.... deeplyy.... ridiculously.... love you.... blah blah blah blah blah!!!" CRAP!
also, why not just kill the good guys? from Austin Powers:
"Dad, look, I have a gun in my room. You give me five minutes, bam, bam they're dead!!"
Dr. Evil: "You just don't get it, do you son."
Augh!
And what's with Bobba Fett being such an annoying little twerp? "Yeah, get him dad!! Fire!! Yeah!! Get him dad!! Woohoo!!" Man, if my kid did all that while I was try to kill a Jedi, I would have jettisonned the little nuisance! honestly.
Although I do admit that the "seismic" charges were cool, tell me why exactly the missile that Janga Fett shot slowed down? He fired the missile, it sped up and caught up with Obiwan in no time flat, and then the missile spent five minutes chasing him around. The missle was ten feet away from the tail of the jedi starfighter the whole time. ridiculous.
Oh, and what about the part where Janga Fett kills that jedi? That jedi jumps down next to Count Doodoo and Janga Fett shoots like four shots and the jedi can't deflect them all? Since when!!? Then Count Dookie's all "Thanks dude" and Janga's all "I'm cool, lemme spin my gun on my finger!"
And what about when Amidala jumps off the big pillar in the arena and kicks that cheshire-cat-looking white tiger thing, and then we see it lying on the ground in pain, whimpering like a kitty. Come on! How is that possible?!
And let's not forget all that classy acting. At the end of every other scene, Anakin would be shooting this soap-opera caliber evil grin or dirty look at queen amidala. come on, Lucas! Can't you think of something better to end your scenes with than the same thing you see on Young and the Restless?? And let's also not forget Anakin's mother's death scene.
And what's with Anakin's new hand? The techonology of the universe can clone humans and create massive starships, but they have to give this jedi this big ol' freaky alien lookin' hand with big ol glowing fingers? What happened to five fingers and a glove, for pete's sake?!
As for the Amidala-Anakin scenes, puhleeze!! I actually laughed out loud AT the movie in the theater when Amidala was frolicking in the rolling hills. I wanted her to start singing "the hills are alive with the sound of music.... LA LA LA LA LA" COMICAL. And then a poorly-computer graphics Anakin comes in riding a big walking rodan turd of some kind. That CG is SO bad. That didn't look real at all, and CG is supposed to be Lucas' strong point, isn't it?
Finally, the sword duels weren't nearly as impressing. Ray Parks, acting as Darth Maul in the Episode I, really made some of those sword duels very impressive. In fact, one of my favorite scenes from the first is the final fight between Maul and Obiwan. But even Yoda's Pikachu-like bouncing around didn't really impress me as believable, and watching him fight was much less entertaining than when I saw two real humans fighting in Episode I.
There's so much more I could say about this movie. Needless to say i was thoroughly unimpressed.
Sorry to you Star Wars loyalists out there... I really wanted this to be a solid movie, at least on par with Episode I, but it wasn't.
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