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My sister's poem - Nobody but me

T

toekramp

Diamond Member
a poem my lil' sis wrote. thought it was pretty good for a sixteen year old, hell for anybody. perhaps i'm just biased


?Nobody but Me?

I remember. I remember
the ice-cold fingers as they pinched.
The carefully constructed words
to convince me that I was
Nobody
It was so easy to believe them.
Gravity works on emotions,
pulling down with great certainty
and I?d listen to their cruel words?
but
I have an inner song that plays on
composed of all of my features.
I know it well, for it is my
mistakes, triumphs, and dreams. It is
me
And when I start to believe the lies
I look inward, to find my song,
the melody drowning them out.
Strong and pure, reminding me I
can
think on my own, do it on my own.
Whatever needs to be done, I
can do it. I look back on my
family and friends who told me ?
be
Whoever you want, your future is
your own.? So I?ll shape my future
to match my song, strong and gorgeous.
I don?t need the knight, I?ll rescue
my
own self. I?ll be able to look back
and remember how I didn?t
give in, but stood up for myself.
I can proudly say- I was my
hero

 
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

Are you an idiot? Some of the greatest poems ever written don't rhyme.

I thought it was a decent poem, nothing spectacular, but not bad.
 
Originally posted by: BigJ
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

Are you an idiot? Some of the greatest poems ever written don't rhyme.

I thought it was a decent poem, nothing spectacular, but not bad.
Click to expand...

Toggle the sarcasm meter to the "On" position.
 
Originally posted by: chuckywang
Originally posted by: BigJ
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

Are you an idiot? Some of the greatest poems ever written don't rhyme.

I thought it was a decent poem, nothing spectacular, but not bad.
Click to expand...

Toggle the sarcasm meter to the "On" position.
Click to expand...

It's toggled to "Finals Week" right now. As of Friday it will be toggled back to "On." Feel my wrath!
 
Wrong place to post a poem. If its not about hard drives or graphics cards these guys don't care. Oh and by these guys I include myself into the mix 🙂
 
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

1. Not all poems have to "rhyme."
2. Try using MS Word's "grammar and spell-check" on your own post.
3. Thanks for your time.

🙂
 
Originally posted by: Zim Hosein
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

1. Not all poems have to "rhyme."
2. Try using MS Word's "grammar and spell-check" on your own post.
3. Thanks for your time.

🙂
Click to expand...


1. Try pulling your head OUT of your ass, and remember this is the internet. Sarcasm abounds.
2. Don't use so many "quotation marks." It's "annoying." I'm perfectly capable of "reading" it and "comprehending" your post without them.
3. Die in a fire.

😉

EDIT: Come on, I would have thought that Autoformat would've tipped y'all off.
 
Has a weak beginning somehow but gets much better toward the end. I think the problem is that it seems pretty fragmentd - the sentences not fitting all to well together. towards the end you notice that the writer is letting the poem flow whereas in the beginning it seems a little forced.

There, at least one serious opinion


Oh and i don't really need to see pics - too young to be of any interest 🙂
 
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Originally posted by: Zim Hosein
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Haha, that sh!t doesn't even rhyme. And geez.. Ever heard of Word-Autoformat? Come on.
Click to expand...

1. Not all poems have to "rhyme."
2. Try using MS Word's "grammar and spell-check" on your own post.
3. Thanks for your time.

🙂
Click to expand...


1. Try pulling your head OUT of your ass, and remember this is the internet. Sarcasm abounds.
2. Don't use so many "quotation marks." It's "annoying." I'm perfectly capable of "reading" it and "comprehending" your post without them.
3. Die in a fire.

😉

EDIT: Come on, I would have thought that Autoformat would've tipped y'all off.
Click to expand...

To be honest HermDogg:

1. Never had my head up my ass.
2. Practice what you preach.
3. OMGWTFWTH was your "original" user-name here on AT? 😕
 
Enough of that crap, I'm pissing in the wind. The poem was pretty good, though it seems like the mood changes from beginning to end. Not necessarily bad, just surprising/different.

Overall= 7 or 8/10. Esp. for a 16 year old.
 
Originally posted by: HermDogg
Enough of that crap, I'm pissing in the wind. The poem was pretty good, though it seems like the mood changes from beginning to end. Not necessarily bad, just surprising/different.

Overall= 7 or 8/10. Esp. for a 16 year old.
Click to expand...

Okay 🙂
 
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