My sister has a problem

[finite automaton]

Good evening all. I wanted to share a little story with all of you hoping to get some good ideas. My sister has a drinking problem, and has for ~3 years now. She is 20. My mom kicked her out for about 2 years, softened up, and let her back in about a week ago. I am 23, still living at home. I am in college, have a great internship, and am aiming to move out in about 1.5 years. I do not want to have to worry about her when I am on my own.

She turns 21 in approximately 6 months and my goal is to attempt to wake her up before her 21st birthday. I do not want to go to my mother because she had a chance and her methods didn't do a thing (except make things worse).

I saw two smirnoff malt liquor bottles in the fridge last night with an unknown origin. My suspicions were that they were from my sister. When I came home from work today (around 4:30) I saw her drinking one. I looked in the fridge, and they were both gone.

Anyone have any tips? I already gave her a lecture about having a repeat of 2 years ago. All she kept saying was "ok, I know." I want to at least attempt to make a difference in her life.

Here is the deal: You give me ideas that work and I will come back with pictures.

Thanks.

 

[FleshLight]

She can't have a beer or two to wind down her day?

 

[shortylickens]

As the son of an alchoholic I can only offer one suggestion:
Tough love.

Alchoholism is NOT a problem that slowly gets better.
Its a problem that slowly gets worse, until something horrible happens and the person dies or completely changes their outlook on life.

 

[BigJ]

"two smirnoff malt liquor bottles"

You mean 2 Smirnoff Ice bottles? 12oz or larger?

Also, describe how bad this drinking problem is.

 

[Cattlegod]

dude, that isn't a drinking problem...

it sounds like you may be the one who actually has the problem (being out of touch with reality).

 

[apac]

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
dude, that isn't a drinking problem...

it sounds like you may be the one who actually has the problem (being out of touch with reality).

Well, he didn't really elaborate on the "drinking problem".

OP as much as you might want to help, I suggest you try the "stay out of it before you make it worse" approach. Your sister is a grown woman. It's no longer your responsibility to "save" her from her problems, she has to learn to solve them on her own.

Also, I have to say you're setting a fine example by living at home until you're 25.

 

[sygyzy]

If your sister has a "drinking" problem, why is she allowed to so casually keep alcohol in the fridge?

 

[ChAoTiCpInOy]

Is it the OP's fault that he sees his sister's life taking a downhill route? What's wrong with living at home until you're 25. It is only in America where it is frowned upon to stay at home until you are ready.

 

[TruePaige]

Elaborate on her drinking habits..0.o

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: apac

Originally posted by: Cattlegod
dude, that isn't a drinking problem...

it sounds like you may be the one who actually has the problem (being out of touch with reality).

Well, he didn't really elaborate on the "drinking problem".

OP as much as you might want to help, I suggest you try the "stay out of it before you make it worse" approach. Your sister is a grown woman. It's no longer your responsibility to "save" her from her problems, she has to learn to solve them on her own.

Also, I have to say you're setting a fine example by living at home until you're 25.

Alcoholism is not just her problem, especially since she's living in her mother's house. If you've never had to deal with an alcoholic or a drug abuser (I've had cousins that were one or both live with me growing up), you may not realize it's a problem concerning the entire family. Ranging from theft, to security issues (too drunk to lock doors at night), to property damage, DWI/DUI (I'm going to assume here that if she drives, it's under her parents' insurance), to a myriad of other problems.

If she was living on her own, your comment would have more merit. Since she's living in her mother's house and is in all likelihood dependent on the parent(s), it becomes everyone's problem.

 

[TitanDiddly]

To all you telling the OP to let her do it- she's underage. Even if she was legal to drink, her problem was not a beer or two, it was enough to get her kicked out of the house two years ago.

FA: I'd say flip out at her. She will never realize on her own that her behavior is self-destructive. If you love her, you will do what you have to.

 

[JohnCU]

i'm an alcoholic, my dad is, granddad is, 2 uncles and 1 cousin are, if you need help or advice, PM me.

but i warn you, you can't change someone until they want to change.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Lving at home at 23 is the problem - time to move out and be a man cause it sounds like you are quite immature about this supposed drinking problem.

Oh - And obligatory :camera: of the sis & moms!

 

[SampSon]

You really need to elaborate on her drinking habits.
Until further details are provided this thread will be nothing but a bunch of tools arguing over the sematics of "alcohlism".

 

[clamum]

Need more info on the drinking problem.

Also, pics are mandatory.

 

[RichardE]

Originally posted by: Fmr12B
Lving at home at 23 is the problem - time to move out and be a man cause it sounds like you are quite immature about this supposed drinking problem.

Oh - And obligatory :camera: of the sis & moms!

and you

 

[JohnCU]

Originally posted by: SampSon
You really need to elaborate on her drinking habits.
Until further details are provided this thread will be nothing but a bunch of tools arguing over the sematics of "alcohlism".

when people ask me about alcoholism, i compare the alcohol cravings as to how you would feel after you went a week without food and you had a hamburger dangling infront of your face.

 

[InflatableBuddha]

OP - elaborate on what your Mom has already tried (and hasn't worked).

 

[finite automaton]

The only example I will give is the time when she was about 18 and my mother got a phone call from one of her friends parents telling my mother to come get my sister. When my mom got there, she was out cold (you can figure out why).

Ok, fine, I'll give you another example. Remember, she's 20. A month ago she got into a car accident; put a kid in the hospital and got a (yep, you guessed it) a DUI.

Edit: I appreciate the constructive criticism about my age and living at home. I would've had to have been a moron to not expect it. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to not compare yourself to others. So if you think your comments bother me, you're wrong. Living at home has enabled me to go to school full time, work for pleasure (that is, take the time to find a job that I enjoy, and now I have found one), and (almost) set my entire career in stone. I realize that can all be done while living on your own, but it's a lot more difficult and takes more time.

 

[Kadarin]

Yeah, need more details on this so-called "drinking problem", as two bottles of Smirnoff Ice, in and of themselves, do not constitute such a thing.

 

[Gothgar]

lol you are going to live at home till you are almost 25?

 

[nageov3t]

there's a fine line between a drinking problem and being a stupid kid.

I drank pretty excessively from like 17-22 (blacked out a couple times, drinking till I puked was a pretty regular occurence). after I graduated college, I just snapped out of it and dropped back into the real world.

but if she's really got a problem, there's not much you can do to help unless she wants help... you can always talk with your mom about a no-alcohol in the house rule, and call the cops if she ever drinks and drives.

 

[SampSon]

It sounds like she's not at drinking problem stage yet. She is still working through a"jackass teenager" problem.

 

[lightstar]

she prob needs AA but until she's willing to help herself there's nothing you can do about it

 

[apac]

Originally posted by: finite automaton
The only example I will give is the time when she was about 18 and my mother got a phone call from one of her friends parents telling my mother to come get my sister. When my mom got there, she was out cold (you can figure out why).

Ok, fine, I'll give you another example. Remember, she's 20. A month ago she got into a car accident; put a kid in the hospital and got a (yep, you guessed it) a DUI.

Edit: I appreciate the constructive criticism about my age and living at home. I would've had to have been a moron to not expect it. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to not compare yourself to others. So if you think your comments bother me, you're wrong. Living at home has enabled me to go to school full time, work for pleasure (that is, take the time to find a job that I enjoy, and now I have found one), and (almost) set my entire career in stone. I realize that can all be done while living on your own, but it's a lot more difficult and takes more time.

Fair enough about living at home. Here's the thing I found most disturbing about your post: your sister got a DUI and PUT A KID IN THE HOSPITAL as a direct result of her drinking, and she still hasn't gotten the message. I'm sorry to say but IMO your responsibility should be to your mother and not to your sister. You've clearly earned your right to live at home as a well behaved, responsible son. Your sister is a borderline alcoholic that refuses to take life seriously, and your mother doesn't have the spine to kick her out of the house.

If you want to do something about the problem, can you convince your mother to enforce some rules? E.g., no drinking/coming home drunk or move out? The only other proactive option I see is to move out yourself so you don't need to be around her self destructive behavior.

Unfortunately, having lived with an alcoholic for over a year, I have to agree with JohnCU that your sister will have to WANT to change for anything to happen.