- Oct 9, 1999
- 19,632
- 38
- 91
Ok, this is the shortest version I can come up with everything that has happened. IF you don't like to read then turn back. Flames will be ignored, I just need to vent and atot is where I'm doing it. I do not need advice, I just labeled this YAGT for the nazi's.
Here's the first part, I'm going to finish typing the rest today. Sorry but this is the shortest I can make it, the long version is 8+ pages in word.
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Ok, I?m gonna try and explain all of this the best I can.
At the end of December I got an email from the hotornot website saying someone wanted to meet me. I went to the site and checked her pic and profile out.Well, you have to pay like 6 bucks to send real emails to the person so I paid for it and sent her an email. She got it and we started talking on aim.
We will call her L. L is is a double major is English and something else, she is also a prelaw major, does pageants, runs tracks for a university. She got out of abusive relationship in October but still isn?t exactly over him. She wants him to be miserable because she simply can?t stomach even looking at him, if that makes sense. She also has an ex fiancé that is about 5 years old than her and is married to another chick. They have a ?brother sister? like relationship, very close.
She gave me her number and said she usually doesn?t do that. I called it a few days later and we started talking on the phone, found out she goes to college an hours drive from me. This was still during Christmas break so she was at home 5 hours away. We really were into each other and had TONS in common. We decided to drive to Conway, AR which is halfway for both of us and meet on January 8th. It went fantastic, perfect? We kissed at the end of the night in McDonald?s parking lot(for a good 30 minutes +) The next day we both told each other how good of a feeling we have for each other, how much we really like each other, can?t believe this is real, all that crap.
Well we started putting little messages on our Aim profiles and away msg?s like IMUDP(I miss you dp), and funny comments that went on while talking till 3 am every night. She called me Franklin(middle name) the turtle because I have a pet turtle and she loves turtles. We always told each other we missed each other and all that lovey dovey bulls h1t. I came out of a 3 year relationship in December so we were pretty much on the same level.
We both said it was great that we live 50 miles away so we will have time to miss each other and won?t get tired of each other. Perfect, right? Let?s continue?
We waited a week after we met to see each other again, she was back at college too. She drove to my town Saturday afternoon and we went four wheeler riding and shot paintballs at the deer camp. I had a blast, it was still a dream I was waiting to be woken up from any minute. Later that night I got a hotel room for us to chill in since she couldn?t get in her dorm until the next day(Sunday). We got there, ate, watched movies and for the first time, sex came up in conversation. We decided we were both very comfortable with it and went at it. It was great, I?m spoiled that?s for sure. We feel asleep tied together waiting for the next day. We would always do this little air kiss where one of us would just kind of kiss the air and was immediately responded back by another ?air kiss?.
That Sunday we went to her dorm and laid around the entire day. We did have sex again too. Her pc was infested with spyware, viruses, etc. I took it home that weekend and fixed her up. The Tuesday of that week(the 18th) I got out of class and went down there for a good 6 hours. We ate and went back to her dorm, and yes we had sex. We both told each other how much we like each other, made jokes like ?I really hope you can put up with me for so and so long?. Everything was PERFECT.
The following weekend(21st-23rd) I went and spend the entire weekend with her. As you can guess, there was sex. Oh yeah almost forgot, Sunday she started her period and I was like ?well that sucks?. She then said, well ?it doesn?t have to suck for you?.(use your imagination from here) This girl was the girl guys dream about. We even joked about marriage and ?how cool that would be if we were a perfect match? you know all that dumb sh1t you talk about when you?re head over heels for someone. I met all her friends and everyone really likes me(they hate her ex). After this weekend we decided to start ?talking?. The Wednesday(26th) of that following week she came and saw me at home. It went great, we went and ate and played at the park for an hour or so.
That night is when it all started?..
VERSION 2
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Later that night she called me around 2am and woke me up. Her ex was calling her up griping, trying to make her feel like crap. She called me for support and I pretty much had a defensive wall up about all of it. I said you don?t have to put up with that so why do you? ?I don?t know? I kept telling her I usually don?t put up with crap, I either solve the problem or walk away(as in if she doesn?t take care of it or let me take care of it, I?m done with it). This was very stupid on my part but I was trying to scare her into thinking that I don?t play around. I should have been there for her instead of telling her I?m about fed up with her ex. She slept in the hallway that night and got like 45 minutes of sleep according to her roommate. The next morning I messaged her on AIM and her away message read ?if you cry over someone, their not worth crying over in the first place?. I knew she was talking about me so I felt pretty horrible about all of it. She was very short with me and said she was leaving to go to class. I knew I screwed it up. We were planning on going to her home town the next day(Friday) so I could meet her rents. I asked if she was still going and she said ?I don?t think so?.
Well I pretty much felt like crap the entire day because I knew I screwed up something good. Finally she calls me up and the first thing she says is ?so when we leaving tomorrow to go home?. I felt so much better the second I heard that because I knew everything was ok. So we went home that weekend, stayed at her friends apartment, went shopping, watched movies, drank a few beers, and had sex 5 times before the weekend was over.
We still did the little away messages like IMU, and quoted Napolean Dynamite quotes since we saw the movie together over the weekend for the first time, I love that movie=[
BIGGEST MISTAKE STARTED HERE
On Monday the 31st, I asked for her ex?s screen name. She told me she didn?t want me having it. I just wanted it just in case he bothered her. I got it anyways looking behind her back one time and remembered it to add it to my buddy list. I never even talked to him once, not once..
Going to Wednesday(Feb. 2nd), she came and saw me and when she sat down to get onmy pc, she saw his SN on my buddy list. She was very ?aggripissed? about me going behind her back. It bothered her for a few minutes then she seemed fine so we continued our night. I apologized and didn?t think anything about it after that. We went to the park again after eating and I asked her to be my girlfriend and all that lovely jazz. She went home that night and we talked all night on the phone saying how happy we are, that we don?t believe this is going as good as it is.
By the way, at the beginning of this week she started getting VERY stressed because school was starting to get busy plus she teaches water aerobics, she?s a personal trainer and works at a day care. She over loaded herself and had nervous break downs. She would start crying for no reason out of no where and had no idea why she was acting like this. She went to the counselor and got on some anxiety, stress meds. They said she will be very weird the first week or so until she gets used to the meds. Some nights it made her very emotional, some she was wired, and some she was sick and passing out. I was there for her every time she needed me, crying, mad, pissed, whatever, I was THERE. I told her I could put up with it and that she was worth it. Well we talked and started thinking she had to much to do and this was causing her to stress way to much. She is the kind of person that doesn?t like telling people no. The boss for the personal trainer job is the kind of person that wanted her to do all kinds of stuff and not even get paid, work for free pretty much. She didn?t take no for an answer either, completely using L. Well L talked to her ex fiancé because he knows her best and they also thought it was her work schedule, she is simply doing to much.
That weekend(Feb. 4th-6th) I went and spent the weekend with her. Before going out I took my portable HD and gave her all my music. I was looking for her music folder and clicked on ?my received files? folder from aim. I was just looking for her music but stumbled in that folder and saw 3 pics of a guy with his shirt off. I didn?t really care so I ignored it. We went to a frat party Friday and I consumed a 5th of rum so I was pretty wasted. We went back to her dorm about 12am and had sex, then went to waffle house, then went to her friends and stayed the night.
Well I woke up that night and had to sh1t like a bear but I wasn?t going to there. I got up around 5am and told her I was going to the gas station. I went to the gas station and was unlucky on my mission so I went to wal-mart. I got to wal-mart and took care of my business and unfortunately gave back all of my waffle house foods in the parking lot. I went back and got in bed with her. The next day we laid around until about 4pm. There was a pageant about an hour away that her cousin was in. We got directions off mapquest and set off leaving about 15 minutes late. She freaks out when she runs late so she was already being testy. She was driving while I was doing directions. Well we got to a road and I took the exact turn that the directions told me to. She said I remember going the other way when I went with a girlfriend. Well I said let?s just follow the directions to be safe. Well needless to say mapquest was wrong and so that set us off another 30 minutes. She was very mad now and I told her I was sorry that I was only following directions. She was very sharp and smartass with me so I felt pretty crappy. She was overreacting about the entire deal WAY to much. I wanted to just jump out of the car at full speed because I felt like crap. Well we all know males hate stopping and asking for directions but I did at every gas stop because I wanted to get her there asap. While in the car, she called some of her friends all in a good mood, etc.
HERE WE GO
After talking to some of her guy friends(she has lots of frat bros and they are all cool and just friends) She calls someone and says ?hey pumpkin? when they answer, I?m thinking must be a gf of hers. WRONG, I heard a male answer so I was like wtf? Why is she doing this. I sat there silently just wanting to die. After 20 minuets she got off the phone and I asked who that was? She said her ex fiancé. I was like why did you call him pumpkin? She said his wife answered the phone, I was thinking BS but I just let it go. She says she is very close to him and his wife. So we get to the pageant finally, miss most of it but when we get out of the car, she gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry and that everything was ok. I?m thinking bullsh1t. You act like that then think everything is ok? During the pageant I kept quiet the entire time and she kept asking what was wrong and giving me her sad puppy dog face, I tell her nothing but she can tell I?m mad about what happened. Well during the pageant I just suck it up and tell myself it?s ok and give her a kiss and tell her everything is fine. Well everything was ok until we got back in the car. I start talking and tell her we need to talk about what happened earlier because it shouldn?t have even happened. Well I?m driving now and we don?t know how to get back since we got there by luck any ways. Well I stop by a gas station, get directions and head out hoping the guy I talked to knew how to get us home. I finally find the road I?m looking for and it says ?ENTERCITYNAMEHERE- 67 miles). To bad it was the back roads all the way in BFE. It took like an hour and a half since it was so curvy and never got over 50mph. We didn?t talk much and I made the comment I?m going home tonight since things weren?t going well. She replied with ?whatever?.
We get back, I pack my stuff while she is on the pc chatting it up like crazy with her ex fiancé on MSN. She says where you going? I tell her home but since her guy friend already checked me in as staying the night with him, I can?t leave until tomorrow. So I stay and go lay down on the couch and fall asleep. An HOUR later after talking on the freaking internet she comes in there and asks me what I?m doing. I told her sleeping, she said come get in bed with me. Well I did because I wanted everything to be right so bad. We got a great nights sleep(no sex) just laying with each other wrapped around together. We wake up and go to a church service because the cross country team was getting recognized. We went to church then went out and ate. Everything was fine. We sat around most of the day until the superbowl came on. We both didn?t care anything about it so we watched parts here and there. Funny, we talked about marriage again, baby names and all that good stuff. During the 3rd quarter we ended up going in her room and getting it on. Around 10pm that night I decide it?s time to head home. She got real sad and cried a little because she didn?t want me to go. I always get stressed on Sunday nights to because the weekend is over. Well We joke around and play fight and get each other in a good mood so I can leave with a smile on her face. I get home and talk to her on the phone.
More coming?
part 3
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After that bogus weekend, she was very upset and emotional on Monday(6th) so she called me telling me she was going to skip her sorority meeting to meet me half way to see me because she missed me. We meet and just play around in Wal-mart for a few hours. Before we go in she just starts crying and has no idea why. I just hug her and tell her everything will be ok. Well Tuesday(8th) was a month after we met so I had some flowers delivered to her at her dorm, she loved them. The next day, Wednesday, was a week for us to be going out. Well Thursday night we got into a conversation about our status because she never does the away messages or anything anymore. We didn?t get into it but we had a deep talk. She said I was her baby, etc. and that she was gonna do something with her friends Friday night but then spend SAT-SUN with me since she missed me so much. We told ourselves that we were going to do stuff with our friends and not rush anything. Well I get off work and rush home to get packed and leave. My parents have been on my ass about being gone every weekend, telling me I can?t afford gas to go back and fourth(I get like 13mpg). My dad needed some stickers cut because I have a small decal business but I?ve been slacking on it. I?m very aggravated when I get on interstate and she calls me. I tell her I?m pissed at my parents because they are on my nuts about stuff and I was just in a bad mood while on the phone. I get almost half way and she calls and tells me that maybe I should just turn around, get my stuff done tonight and spend the rest of the weekend with her. I said that was cool so I turned around and went home and got my stuff done. I called her that night and we talked a few times but she was out with her friends.
This is all I can type now, it?s hurting to bad because the more I think about it, I screwed all of it. My insides are in tangles right now, I will update it later. It just hurts right now because this just happened this past week and it hurts so bad to know what I could have had if I wouldn?t have been so insecure.
ENDING
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Sorry for the wait but I?ve had a busy weekend. I left off on Friday (Feb. 11th). After I get home I realized how rude I probably sounded when I was griping at L about my parents. I was not griping at her but I?m sure it made her feel like I was mad at her since I was bitching. I called her and told her I was really sorry for the griping and that it had nothing to do with her. She didn?t sound to convinced so it bothered her. So I got my crap done and went to a bar with some friends. I get in around 12 anxious to go to sleep so I can wake up early to go see L. I give her a call and tell her I?m in for the night. She says she is still out and will just talk to me later. I asked if she would call me when she got in and she said ok. Well I woke up around 2am and gave her a call to see what she was up to. I wasn?t trying to be nosey but I was just calling her for the hell of it since we used to call each other in the middle of the night for no reason anyways. No answer so I just left a voicemail. I called again at 4am just to see if she was in and her phone was turned off completely so I started to worry. I wasn?t trying to be the over protective BF but I just wanted to make sure she got home ok. Well I call every so often from 4am to about 10am and finally get a call back from her. I asked her what all she did just trying to make conversation and like who she went out with. I like all her friends by the way so I wasn?t trying to snoop around like some of you may think. She said they got in around 6am so I asked why couldn?t she call me and let me know. She said her phone was dead which I believed because her phone is a pos. I asked why couldn?t she call from a friends phone? She said she didn?t have my number memorized but a few weeks ago I asked her if she knew mine just playing around with her and she did. So we started arguing about that and eventually got into the questioning of our status. She said I pressure her to much, need to give her some space, etc. I pretty much just didn?t pay any attention to that. Well she says she doesn?t feel good at all so we get off the phone. Before we got off the phone I asked if she still wanted me to come see her, her reply, ?if you want to?. I told her I?m not unless she wants me to so I tell her to just call me when she feels better.
Later that evening we talk and she is going to the race tracks with her friends and said I can come if I want to. I wasn?t really convinced that she wanted me there so I declined. She said she wanted me to come to church with her in the morning since she has to be there for recognition for being in cross country. Fast forward to Sunday morning, I call her about to leave to head up there and she says she isn?t going because she doesn?t feel good. So I just go back to bed thinking wtf is wrong. Well we talk later Sunday evening around 3pm and I?m shopping for V-day. I got her a stuffed Doberman, flowers w/ balloon, fragrances, a card and a L shaped notepad. I call her asking what kind of stuffed animals she likes and she makes the comment I could come see her if I wanted to. I should have but I just didn?t feel like she wanted me to since she said ?if I wanted to?. I went four wheeler riding that night and called her when I got in.
I called and she said she was studying and would call me back after she got done. Well me being the impatient moron I am I called back an hour or so later and got no answer. I messaged her online a few times and still, no answer. We finally talk online later that night and she is pretty upset that I wouldn?t let her study. She erased our album of pictures on yahoo and I was wondering why. She changed her buddy icon(picture of me) to a lady bug too. We get into another argument about me not giving her space, me always being suspicious of her, etc. Well we get off the phone not in the best mood and don?t talk until tomorrow. It?s Monday(Feb. 14th) and I?m wondering if I was going to see her. We talk on aim and get into it again and we don?t even know if we want to see each other, start questioning our status, etc. I tell her she can just do something with her friends tonight and I will drive down there and drop the stuff off I got her at her friends or at the dorm desk because I wasn?t going to waste the things I got her. A few hours later she calls and tells me she wants to see me tonight so I drive down there after I get off.
I call her when I get in her parking lot and she says to hold on because she has a beep. I waited about 3 minutes or so and she beeps over and says ?Jason??(her ex bf). I tell her this is Derrick. She says she will be right down. She gets down there and she is still talking to her ex bf about his girl problems(a girl he was dating dumped him and called him gay). He was upset about it so she was telling him sorry and that it?s ok. It didn?t bother me a bit because she wouldn?t be talking to him around me if she wasn?t comfortable with it. She gets off the phone and we leave to go eat.
We go eat and Chili?s and her ex fiancé was brought up in the conversation and she stated that they are like brother sister and that they look at dating to be ?gross?. She says anybody who has a problem with him has a problem with her and that?s how it was. I was thinking she was trying to piss me off? We got to Chili?s and I haven?t talked to much the entire night because it seemed different because of the past weekend. We get into a conversation and I bring up my ex gf and she gives me a look. I?m like what? She said you?re bringing her up again. I said to myself weren?t you just talking to you?re fvcking ex bf on the phone? I said I was sorry and tell her that I?ve never said Summer was better at L in anything. In fact I was always degrading Summer or telling L what Summer did wrong, etc. We talk to her friends after we get done eating then leave to head back. We get to her dorm and I ask to go in to use the restroom so she checks me in and I go up there with her for about ten minutes. She said she really needed to study so I leave and go home. She calls me right before I get home and stays on the phone until I get home. She said she will call me when she is done so I say goodnight. I learned my lesson to not call and disturb her from the previous night.
She called around 2am upset because her ex bf was calling griping her out. I tell her everything is ok and just pamper her and offer my support like I should. We get off the phone and all is good.
On to Monday(Feb. 15th), I get home from school and see her sign on so I message her. Here?s the conversation:
me: hey
her: this isn't L
me: oh, who's this?
her: doesnt matter
me: oh, ok
me: why is that?
me: ?
me: hello?
her: im using her computer to look something up so chill
me: chill? hold up onw
me: now*
me: i just asked who this was
me: is this janessa?
me: you don't have to be a hardass, i do know that
her: piss off
her: im working on something not chatting up random folks
me: i understand that
me: i'm not trying to chat, i was curious who this was
her: why does it matter
me: because i asked? how old are you, 14?
her: im trying to work on something so if you dont mind, just
hush so i can get this done
me: why would you need to be on aim to get work done?
me: Christ, I just asked who this was, didn't really think
that was a big deal.
her: lola left her aim on so big fvcking deal
me: um, it just signed on like 5 minutes ago
her: she signed it in
her: jesus tap dancing christ
me: laff
me: is she there?
her: im just going to block you until she is back
her: she is on the phone
me: ok, cya partner
So I?m a little pissed now that I?ve been cussed out over the phone. I call L up and ask her how she?s doing and she said she was at the pharmacy. I tell her about the conversation and she tells me she has no idea who it was but asks me why does it matter? I told her it mattered because I don?t appreciate getting cussed at for asking harmless questions. She said her dorm is grand central sometimes and people walk in and use her pc anytime. We start getting into it and the whole, suspicious, not giving her enough space, just because I?m her BF doesn?t give me a key to her life, etc. It gets pretty intensive so I asked her why she is asking like this and if she wants to call it quits that?s fine. She never said she did but she did say she doesn?t know what she wants. After a good 20 minute talk we get off the phone pissed at each other. We don?t talk until the next day and it was very brief.
It?s Thursday(Feb. 17th) and I?m a nervous wreck in fear of losing her. I finally start to realize what she means about the space thing and see how she wants a relationship. I was in a 3 year relationship where I lost all my friends because all I wanted to do was spend time with her so that?s what I was used to. She was to from her previous relationship but she said we were going to be good kids about the friend thing and do stuff with our friends. We finally talk over aim and it boils down to the question. I ask if we still have everything and she says ?it?s been over for a few days?. I?m in a pretty sad mood so I tell her I can change, etc. I really saw how she wants a relationship and it?s the best way but I just wasn?t used to it. She said she repeat the past because people don?t change. There was more conversation but it was just everything I?ve done wrong and how things started changing when she found out about me adding her ex bf on aim.
There you have it, we didn?t make it. I got pretty upset the next few days and got hammered throughout the entire weekend.
For the record, I know I messed up. I know I was insecure. I do realize I got attached. I do realize I did snoop around and worry way to much when I never really had a reason. IMO, this girl is still a very cool girl but I must accept what happened and move on. I?m pretty much over it after a long weekend of boozing it up with the boys.
She called me Friday night and talked to me a good 30 minutes. She messages me on aim every time we are on at the same time(which has been daily). She called me yesterday (Monday 21st) and talked for a little bit. I have not been calling her or messaging her just because it was still hurting but I?m ok with everything now. I can only learn from my mistakes. I honestly doubt we will ever have anything again.
Again for the people that don?t read to well, I realize everything that happened with us was MY FAULT.
I think this is all but if I left anything out, I?ll edit it.
Here's the first part, I'm going to finish typing the rest today. Sorry but this is the shortest I can make it, the long version is 8+ pages in word.
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Ok, I?m gonna try and explain all of this the best I can.
At the end of December I got an email from the hotornot website saying someone wanted to meet me. I went to the site and checked her pic and profile out.Well, you have to pay like 6 bucks to send real emails to the person so I paid for it and sent her an email. She got it and we started talking on aim.
We will call her L. L is is a double major is English and something else, she is also a prelaw major, does pageants, runs tracks for a university. She got out of abusive relationship in October but still isn?t exactly over him. She wants him to be miserable because she simply can?t stomach even looking at him, if that makes sense. She also has an ex fiancé that is about 5 years old than her and is married to another chick. They have a ?brother sister? like relationship, very close.
She gave me her number and said she usually doesn?t do that. I called it a few days later and we started talking on the phone, found out she goes to college an hours drive from me. This was still during Christmas break so she was at home 5 hours away. We really were into each other and had TONS in common. We decided to drive to Conway, AR which is halfway for both of us and meet on January 8th. It went fantastic, perfect? We kissed at the end of the night in McDonald?s parking lot(for a good 30 minutes +) The next day we both told each other how good of a feeling we have for each other, how much we really like each other, can?t believe this is real, all that crap.
Well we started putting little messages on our Aim profiles and away msg?s like IMUDP(I miss you dp), and funny comments that went on while talking till 3 am every night. She called me Franklin(middle name) the turtle because I have a pet turtle and she loves turtles. We always told each other we missed each other and all that lovey dovey bulls h1t. I came out of a 3 year relationship in December so we were pretty much on the same level.
We both said it was great that we live 50 miles away so we will have time to miss each other and won?t get tired of each other. Perfect, right? Let?s continue?
We waited a week after we met to see each other again, she was back at college too. She drove to my town Saturday afternoon and we went four wheeler riding and shot paintballs at the deer camp. I had a blast, it was still a dream I was waiting to be woken up from any minute. Later that night I got a hotel room for us to chill in since she couldn?t get in her dorm until the next day(Sunday). We got there, ate, watched movies and for the first time, sex came up in conversation. We decided we were both very comfortable with it and went at it. It was great, I?m spoiled that?s for sure. We feel asleep tied together waiting for the next day. We would always do this little air kiss where one of us would just kind of kiss the air and was immediately responded back by another ?air kiss?.
That Sunday we went to her dorm and laid around the entire day. We did have sex again too. Her pc was infested with spyware, viruses, etc. I took it home that weekend and fixed her up. The Tuesday of that week(the 18th) I got out of class and went down there for a good 6 hours. We ate and went back to her dorm, and yes we had sex. We both told each other how much we like each other, made jokes like ?I really hope you can put up with me for so and so long?. Everything was PERFECT.
The following weekend(21st-23rd) I went and spend the entire weekend with her. As you can guess, there was sex. Oh yeah almost forgot, Sunday she started her period and I was like ?well that sucks?. She then said, well ?it doesn?t have to suck for you?.(use your imagination from here) This girl was the girl guys dream about. We even joked about marriage and ?how cool that would be if we were a perfect match? you know all that dumb sh1t you talk about when you?re head over heels for someone. I met all her friends and everyone really likes me(they hate her ex). After this weekend we decided to start ?talking?. The Wednesday(26th) of that following week she came and saw me at home. It went great, we went and ate and played at the park for an hour or so.
That night is when it all started?..
VERSION 2
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Later that night she called me around 2am and woke me up. Her ex was calling her up griping, trying to make her feel like crap. She called me for support and I pretty much had a defensive wall up about all of it. I said you don?t have to put up with that so why do you? ?I don?t know? I kept telling her I usually don?t put up with crap, I either solve the problem or walk away(as in if she doesn?t take care of it or let me take care of it, I?m done with it). This was very stupid on my part but I was trying to scare her into thinking that I don?t play around. I should have been there for her instead of telling her I?m about fed up with her ex. She slept in the hallway that night and got like 45 minutes of sleep according to her roommate. The next morning I messaged her on AIM and her away message read ?if you cry over someone, their not worth crying over in the first place?. I knew she was talking about me so I felt pretty horrible about all of it. She was very short with me and said she was leaving to go to class. I knew I screwed it up. We were planning on going to her home town the next day(Friday) so I could meet her rents. I asked if she was still going and she said ?I don?t think so?.
Well I pretty much felt like crap the entire day because I knew I screwed up something good. Finally she calls me up and the first thing she says is ?so when we leaving tomorrow to go home?. I felt so much better the second I heard that because I knew everything was ok. So we went home that weekend, stayed at her friends apartment, went shopping, watched movies, drank a few beers, and had sex 5 times before the weekend was over.
We still did the little away messages like IMU, and quoted Napolean Dynamite quotes since we saw the movie together over the weekend for the first time, I love that movie=[
BIGGEST MISTAKE STARTED HERE
On Monday the 31st, I asked for her ex?s screen name. She told me she didn?t want me having it. I just wanted it just in case he bothered her. I got it anyways looking behind her back one time and remembered it to add it to my buddy list. I never even talked to him once, not once..
Going to Wednesday(Feb. 2nd), she came and saw me and when she sat down to get onmy pc, she saw his SN on my buddy list. She was very ?aggripissed? about me going behind her back. It bothered her for a few minutes then she seemed fine so we continued our night. I apologized and didn?t think anything about it after that. We went to the park again after eating and I asked her to be my girlfriend and all that lovely jazz. She went home that night and we talked all night on the phone saying how happy we are, that we don?t believe this is going as good as it is.
By the way, at the beginning of this week she started getting VERY stressed because school was starting to get busy plus she teaches water aerobics, she?s a personal trainer and works at a day care. She over loaded herself and had nervous break downs. She would start crying for no reason out of no where and had no idea why she was acting like this. She went to the counselor and got on some anxiety, stress meds. They said she will be very weird the first week or so until she gets used to the meds. Some nights it made her very emotional, some she was wired, and some she was sick and passing out. I was there for her every time she needed me, crying, mad, pissed, whatever, I was THERE. I told her I could put up with it and that she was worth it. Well we talked and started thinking she had to much to do and this was causing her to stress way to much. She is the kind of person that doesn?t like telling people no. The boss for the personal trainer job is the kind of person that wanted her to do all kinds of stuff and not even get paid, work for free pretty much. She didn?t take no for an answer either, completely using L. Well L talked to her ex fiancé because he knows her best and they also thought it was her work schedule, she is simply doing to much.
That weekend(Feb. 4th-6th) I went and spent the weekend with her. Before going out I took my portable HD and gave her all my music. I was looking for her music folder and clicked on ?my received files? folder from aim. I was just looking for her music but stumbled in that folder and saw 3 pics of a guy with his shirt off. I didn?t really care so I ignored it. We went to a frat party Friday and I consumed a 5th of rum so I was pretty wasted. We went back to her dorm about 12am and had sex, then went to waffle house, then went to her friends and stayed the night.
Well I woke up that night and had to sh1t like a bear but I wasn?t going to there. I got up around 5am and told her I was going to the gas station. I went to the gas station and was unlucky on my mission so I went to wal-mart. I got to wal-mart and took care of my business and unfortunately gave back all of my waffle house foods in the parking lot. I went back and got in bed with her. The next day we laid around until about 4pm. There was a pageant about an hour away that her cousin was in. We got directions off mapquest and set off leaving about 15 minutes late. She freaks out when she runs late so she was already being testy. She was driving while I was doing directions. Well we got to a road and I took the exact turn that the directions told me to. She said I remember going the other way when I went with a girlfriend. Well I said let?s just follow the directions to be safe. Well needless to say mapquest was wrong and so that set us off another 30 minutes. She was very mad now and I told her I was sorry that I was only following directions. She was very sharp and smartass with me so I felt pretty crappy. She was overreacting about the entire deal WAY to much. I wanted to just jump out of the car at full speed because I felt like crap. Well we all know males hate stopping and asking for directions but I did at every gas stop because I wanted to get her there asap. While in the car, she called some of her friends all in a good mood, etc.
HERE WE GO
After talking to some of her guy friends(she has lots of frat bros and they are all cool and just friends) She calls someone and says ?hey pumpkin? when they answer, I?m thinking must be a gf of hers. WRONG, I heard a male answer so I was like wtf? Why is she doing this. I sat there silently just wanting to die. After 20 minuets she got off the phone and I asked who that was? She said her ex fiancé. I was like why did you call him pumpkin? She said his wife answered the phone, I was thinking BS but I just let it go. She says she is very close to him and his wife. So we get to the pageant finally, miss most of it but when we get out of the car, she gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry and that everything was ok. I?m thinking bullsh1t. You act like that then think everything is ok? During the pageant I kept quiet the entire time and she kept asking what was wrong and giving me her sad puppy dog face, I tell her nothing but she can tell I?m mad about what happened. Well during the pageant I just suck it up and tell myself it?s ok and give her a kiss and tell her everything is fine. Well everything was ok until we got back in the car. I start talking and tell her we need to talk about what happened earlier because it shouldn?t have even happened. Well I?m driving now and we don?t know how to get back since we got there by luck any ways. Well I stop by a gas station, get directions and head out hoping the guy I talked to knew how to get us home. I finally find the road I?m looking for and it says ?ENTERCITYNAMEHERE- 67 miles). To bad it was the back roads all the way in BFE. It took like an hour and a half since it was so curvy and never got over 50mph. We didn?t talk much and I made the comment I?m going home tonight since things weren?t going well. She replied with ?whatever?.
We get back, I pack my stuff while she is on the pc chatting it up like crazy with her ex fiancé on MSN. She says where you going? I tell her home but since her guy friend already checked me in as staying the night with him, I can?t leave until tomorrow. So I stay and go lay down on the couch and fall asleep. An HOUR later after talking on the freaking internet she comes in there and asks me what I?m doing. I told her sleeping, she said come get in bed with me. Well I did because I wanted everything to be right so bad. We got a great nights sleep(no sex) just laying with each other wrapped around together. We wake up and go to a church service because the cross country team was getting recognized. We went to church then went out and ate. Everything was fine. We sat around most of the day until the superbowl came on. We both didn?t care anything about it so we watched parts here and there. Funny, we talked about marriage again, baby names and all that good stuff. During the 3rd quarter we ended up going in her room and getting it on. Around 10pm that night I decide it?s time to head home. She got real sad and cried a little because she didn?t want me to go. I always get stressed on Sunday nights to because the weekend is over. Well We joke around and play fight and get each other in a good mood so I can leave with a smile on her face. I get home and talk to her on the phone.
More coming?
part 3
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After that bogus weekend, she was very upset and emotional on Monday(6th) so she called me telling me she was going to skip her sorority meeting to meet me half way to see me because she missed me. We meet and just play around in Wal-mart for a few hours. Before we go in she just starts crying and has no idea why. I just hug her and tell her everything will be ok. Well Tuesday(8th) was a month after we met so I had some flowers delivered to her at her dorm, she loved them. The next day, Wednesday, was a week for us to be going out. Well Thursday night we got into a conversation about our status because she never does the away messages or anything anymore. We didn?t get into it but we had a deep talk. She said I was her baby, etc. and that she was gonna do something with her friends Friday night but then spend SAT-SUN with me since she missed me so much. We told ourselves that we were going to do stuff with our friends and not rush anything. Well I get off work and rush home to get packed and leave. My parents have been on my ass about being gone every weekend, telling me I can?t afford gas to go back and fourth(I get like 13mpg). My dad needed some stickers cut because I have a small decal business but I?ve been slacking on it. I?m very aggravated when I get on interstate and she calls me. I tell her I?m pissed at my parents because they are on my nuts about stuff and I was just in a bad mood while on the phone. I get almost half way and she calls and tells me that maybe I should just turn around, get my stuff done tonight and spend the rest of the weekend with her. I said that was cool so I turned around and went home and got my stuff done. I called her that night and we talked a few times but she was out with her friends.
This is all I can type now, it?s hurting to bad because the more I think about it, I screwed all of it. My insides are in tangles right now, I will update it later. It just hurts right now because this just happened this past week and it hurts so bad to know what I could have had if I wouldn?t have been so insecure.
ENDING
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Sorry for the wait but I?ve had a busy weekend. I left off on Friday (Feb. 11th). After I get home I realized how rude I probably sounded when I was griping at L about my parents. I was not griping at her but I?m sure it made her feel like I was mad at her since I was bitching. I called her and told her I was really sorry for the griping and that it had nothing to do with her. She didn?t sound to convinced so it bothered her. So I got my crap done and went to a bar with some friends. I get in around 12 anxious to go to sleep so I can wake up early to go see L. I give her a call and tell her I?m in for the night. She says she is still out and will just talk to me later. I asked if she would call me when she got in and she said ok. Well I woke up around 2am and gave her a call to see what she was up to. I wasn?t trying to be nosey but I was just calling her for the hell of it since we used to call each other in the middle of the night for no reason anyways. No answer so I just left a voicemail. I called again at 4am just to see if she was in and her phone was turned off completely so I started to worry. I wasn?t trying to be the over protective BF but I just wanted to make sure she got home ok. Well I call every so often from 4am to about 10am and finally get a call back from her. I asked her what all she did just trying to make conversation and like who she went out with. I like all her friends by the way so I wasn?t trying to snoop around like some of you may think. She said they got in around 6am so I asked why couldn?t she call me and let me know. She said her phone was dead which I believed because her phone is a pos. I asked why couldn?t she call from a friends phone? She said she didn?t have my number memorized but a few weeks ago I asked her if she knew mine just playing around with her and she did. So we started arguing about that and eventually got into the questioning of our status. She said I pressure her to much, need to give her some space, etc. I pretty much just didn?t pay any attention to that. Well she says she doesn?t feel good at all so we get off the phone. Before we got off the phone I asked if she still wanted me to come see her, her reply, ?if you want to?. I told her I?m not unless she wants me to so I tell her to just call me when she feels better.
Later that evening we talk and she is going to the race tracks with her friends and said I can come if I want to. I wasn?t really convinced that she wanted me there so I declined. She said she wanted me to come to church with her in the morning since she has to be there for recognition for being in cross country. Fast forward to Sunday morning, I call her about to leave to head up there and she says she isn?t going because she doesn?t feel good. So I just go back to bed thinking wtf is wrong. Well we talk later Sunday evening around 3pm and I?m shopping for V-day. I got her a stuffed Doberman, flowers w/ balloon, fragrances, a card and a L shaped notepad. I call her asking what kind of stuffed animals she likes and she makes the comment I could come see her if I wanted to. I should have but I just didn?t feel like she wanted me to since she said ?if I wanted to?. I went four wheeler riding that night and called her when I got in.
I called and she said she was studying and would call me back after she got done. Well me being the impatient moron I am I called back an hour or so later and got no answer. I messaged her online a few times and still, no answer. We finally talk online later that night and she is pretty upset that I wouldn?t let her study. She erased our album of pictures on yahoo and I was wondering why. She changed her buddy icon(picture of me) to a lady bug too. We get into another argument about me not giving her space, me always being suspicious of her, etc. Well we get off the phone not in the best mood and don?t talk until tomorrow. It?s Monday(Feb. 14th) and I?m wondering if I was going to see her. We talk on aim and get into it again and we don?t even know if we want to see each other, start questioning our status, etc. I tell her she can just do something with her friends tonight and I will drive down there and drop the stuff off I got her at her friends or at the dorm desk because I wasn?t going to waste the things I got her. A few hours later she calls and tells me she wants to see me tonight so I drive down there after I get off.
I call her when I get in her parking lot and she says to hold on because she has a beep. I waited about 3 minutes or so and she beeps over and says ?Jason??(her ex bf). I tell her this is Derrick. She says she will be right down. She gets down there and she is still talking to her ex bf about his girl problems(a girl he was dating dumped him and called him gay). He was upset about it so she was telling him sorry and that it?s ok. It didn?t bother me a bit because she wouldn?t be talking to him around me if she wasn?t comfortable with it. She gets off the phone and we leave to go eat.
We go eat and Chili?s and her ex fiancé was brought up in the conversation and she stated that they are like brother sister and that they look at dating to be ?gross?. She says anybody who has a problem with him has a problem with her and that?s how it was. I was thinking she was trying to piss me off? We got to Chili?s and I haven?t talked to much the entire night because it seemed different because of the past weekend. We get into a conversation and I bring up my ex gf and she gives me a look. I?m like what? She said you?re bringing her up again. I said to myself weren?t you just talking to you?re fvcking ex bf on the phone? I said I was sorry and tell her that I?ve never said Summer was better at L in anything. In fact I was always degrading Summer or telling L what Summer did wrong, etc. We talk to her friends after we get done eating then leave to head back. We get to her dorm and I ask to go in to use the restroom so she checks me in and I go up there with her for about ten minutes. She said she really needed to study so I leave and go home. She calls me right before I get home and stays on the phone until I get home. She said she will call me when she is done so I say goodnight. I learned my lesson to not call and disturb her from the previous night.
She called around 2am upset because her ex bf was calling griping her out. I tell her everything is ok and just pamper her and offer my support like I should. We get off the phone and all is good.
On to Monday(Feb. 15th), I get home from school and see her sign on so I message her. Here?s the conversation:
me: hey
her: this isn't L
me: oh, who's this?
her: doesnt matter
me: oh, ok
me: why is that?
me: ?
me: hello?
her: im using her computer to look something up so chill
me: chill? hold up onw
me: now*
me: i just asked who this was
me: is this janessa?
me: you don't have to be a hardass, i do know that
her: piss off
her: im working on something not chatting up random folks
me: i understand that
me: i'm not trying to chat, i was curious who this was
her: why does it matter
me: because i asked? how old are you, 14?
her: im trying to work on something so if you dont mind, just
hush so i can get this done
me: why would you need to be on aim to get work done?
me: Christ, I just asked who this was, didn't really think
that was a big deal.
her: lola left her aim on so big fvcking deal
me: um, it just signed on like 5 minutes ago
her: she signed it in
her: jesus tap dancing christ
me: laff
me: is she there?
her: im just going to block you until she is back
her: she is on the phone
me: ok, cya partner
So I?m a little pissed now that I?ve been cussed out over the phone. I call L up and ask her how she?s doing and she said she was at the pharmacy. I tell her about the conversation and she tells me she has no idea who it was but asks me why does it matter? I told her it mattered because I don?t appreciate getting cussed at for asking harmless questions. She said her dorm is grand central sometimes and people walk in and use her pc anytime. We start getting into it and the whole, suspicious, not giving her enough space, just because I?m her BF doesn?t give me a key to her life, etc. It gets pretty intensive so I asked her why she is asking like this and if she wants to call it quits that?s fine. She never said she did but she did say she doesn?t know what she wants. After a good 20 minute talk we get off the phone pissed at each other. We don?t talk until the next day and it was very brief.
It?s Thursday(Feb. 17th) and I?m a nervous wreck in fear of losing her. I finally start to realize what she means about the space thing and see how she wants a relationship. I was in a 3 year relationship where I lost all my friends because all I wanted to do was spend time with her so that?s what I was used to. She was to from her previous relationship but she said we were going to be good kids about the friend thing and do stuff with our friends. We finally talk over aim and it boils down to the question. I ask if we still have everything and she says ?it?s been over for a few days?. I?m in a pretty sad mood so I tell her I can change, etc. I really saw how she wants a relationship and it?s the best way but I just wasn?t used to it. She said she repeat the past because people don?t change. There was more conversation but it was just everything I?ve done wrong and how things started changing when she found out about me adding her ex bf on aim.
There you have it, we didn?t make it. I got pretty upset the next few days and got hammered throughout the entire weekend.
For the record, I know I messed up. I know I was insecure. I do realize I got attached. I do realize I did snoop around and worry way to much when I never really had a reason. IMO, this girl is still a very cool girl but I must accept what happened and move on. I?m pretty much over it after a long weekend of boozing it up with the boys.
She called me Friday night and talked to me a good 30 minutes. She messages me on aim every time we are on at the same time(which has been daily). She called me yesterday (Monday 21st) and talked for a little bit. I have not been calling her or messaging her just because it was still hurting but I?m ok with everything now. I can only learn from my mistakes. I honestly doubt we will ever have anything again.
Again for the people that don?t read to well, I realize everything that happened with us was MY FAULT.
I think this is all but if I left anything out, I?ll edit it.
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