My kids moved out this weekend .....

[Axman]

Maybe some of you remember a post I made awhile back about losing my wife after 12 years , well the school year ended and my 2 boys Kyle and Zach moved out to live with her for the summer (I hope) and maybe come back for the next school year. But Im not handling it well at all Im 41 and every time I think about them I break-up, I love them so much I cant be without them Im at work right now and I hope no one see's the tears in my eyes( this was the first morning that I didnt have to make them breakfast, make sure they brush thier teeth, get them dressed in clean clothes, comb thier hair and get them off the school), I dont know what Im going to do , I hope this passes , Im having a real hard time with this.
Thanks for listening

 

[geno]

good luck with it man

 

[rudder]

Yeh I think I remember that post. The one where your wife just kind of gave up and left you all?

I hope you get them back as well. Maybe with them spending time with her will help your wife realize what it meant to be a family. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[huanaku]

I'm so sorry Axman. That's tough, I hope you can keep a great relationship with them while they're away. Hopefully they'll be back soon. Good luck.

 

[Isla]

I'm sorry to hear it, Axman. Hang in there, and if you need to vent or just need support, PM me.

Whatever you do, don't give up being a part of their lives! E-mail, call, make it a regular thing for them to hear from Dad! They are your sons and nothing will ever change that... they will be adults much longer than they are children, so keep the relationship going. Also, when they are older they may choose to live with you year round... so consider that a very real possibility in the future. Put yourself in a position that you can have them live with you when the time comes. Boys need their dad, no doubt about it.

 

[vash]

Axman, my dad is going through a similar situation, so I understand your problems. However, he is a little older and so are his children -- we're mostly grown up.

Its not easy and my dad took it hard, but hang in there, it will get better. My dad doesn't live too far from me (2 miles) and I visit him monthly. I'm hoping that when I buy a house, I buy a duplex and he'll move in to the second house to be close to me, my wife and our eventual children.

vash

 

[billjack]

my brother went thru the same thing. It does get better with time. At first he was in a slump but then he got out, started dateing someone new and now he is engaged to be married (again). Things do get better. Also, your kids will always be your kids no matter where they are living. By the way, why are they living with your exwife if they are going to be with you for the school year?

 

[Elledan]

Spend more time on other things you like to fill up the free time.

 

[Axman]

Well we decided that they will finish the school year before they moved in with their mother (schools over) I want them back for next year but if she does bot agree I guess court is the next step, and that is something I just dont want to bring the kids into, so I guess I'll see what happens , its just so hard not to have them with me and to know that htey arent going to be there when I get home , I cant write anymore now sorry

 

[billjack]

maybe its too early to tell what's going to happen. If they are well adjusted at your ex's house you might want them to stay instead of going back and forth.You might want them in the summer instead of the school year. Take some time to figure out what you want and whats in your kids best interest. Sometimes its tough to seperate the two.

 

[TripleJ]

Aw, that must be tough. I feel for ya Axman.

Try not to go through the courts. It really is the very last resort you should look at. So last in fact you shouln't consider it at all.

Anyway, buck up lad, it isn't the end of the world.

 

[Axman]

for some of you that didnt read my first post , my wife moved out and left me with my 2 boys , and at the time I ageed that they would finish the school year with me and then move in with her(if I want them to live with me I will have to prove that she is an unfit mother and that is something I dont want to do, I still love her)but I dont think I can live without my boys I need them sooo much they mean more to me than anything in my life. I just need to be with them.

 

[loosbrew]

maybe you can make a deal with her to see your kids on the weekends, or comething. maybe you can make a deal with your work to give you every other friday or wednesday off so you can spend time with your kids while she's at work. that way you wont be interuppting her time with them, and youll be seeing them consistently through out the summer. its worth a try.ut if shes bitter about it all, then try to explain things to her in a rational way. let her know how much your kids mean to the both of you and that it will make things a bit easier on you if you can see them regualrly, after all, you have the right.


good luck
loosbrew

 

[billjack]

how can you still love someone who moved out and left her husband and 2 sons? no offense, but she doesn't seem deserving of your love.

 

[stratusfear]

Yeah you should definitely stay in contact with them always... My father was the most important person in my life, and my mother is important too, but theres just something about the father-son bond. But my father is no longer around.. he was killed by a man who ran a red light back in december. My relationship with my father was very strong, and I hope you'll be able to maintain a good relationship with your sons regardless of what happens with your ex-wife. Just value all the time you get to spend with them because you never know whats going to happen. My father was a big influence on my life and tought me a lot even though i'm only 18 years old.. Maybe i'm "getting off on a rant here" but i'm sorry.. your post just made me think about how important it is to have a father.

 

[pulse8]

I agree with these other people. Make plans to see them and ALWAYS keep in contact with them. I'm sure that sometimes with parents breaking up there can be tension with the children and one of the parents. I'd say that whatever you do, don't force your children to spend time with you. Make it as fun as possible. I saw this happen with my older sister and niece. My sister tried so hard to force a relationship with my niece after a bunch of stuff happened (one being a divorce) that my niece just got angry. It didn't work out for both parties all that well. I'm not sure of the relationship you have with your sons, but I hope that it's already very strong and that they trust you to talk about things going on in their lives. I hope everything works out for you.

David

 

[Axman]

I truly believe in my heart that my boys would rather stay with me , but I wouldnt ask that question and put them in a "you have to make a choice" type of thing . there Mom moved out last Oct. and they have been with me since then (seeing there mom on the weekends). But now that schools over she is taking them and its killing me ... I cant believe that just writing this is making tears run down my face, and I thought I was a "tough" guy , what a joke

 

[Tauren]

My son just moved in with me for the summer. He's 8 and he is starting to make noise about moving in with me permanently. Hopefully after the next school year he will. Good luck and just go with the flow. See them as much as you can and call them often!

 

[BoberFett]

My daughter lives an hour away so I don't see her nearly as much as I want to. I saw her Saturday and I was practically in tears seeing how much I've been missing of her growing up. You've just got make the most of the time you do get to spend with them. It was awesome having my girl at my place for a night, spending quality time together. The next day when her mom came to pick her up, my ex was holding her and she actually wanted me to hold her instead. *sigh* Your kids still love you, and always will. Just be their dad like you always were.

 

[gittyup]

It's a shame not more fathers feel the way you do about your kids. Good luck...

 

[Azraele]

Awww.

I remember that original post.

I'm sure they miss you as much as you miss them. You'll always be part of their lives, and you guys will always love one another. Try to think of it as if they are away at summer camp, and look forward to the day when you will be able to pick them up and give them great big hugs.

Hang in there, and if there's anything I can do, lmk.

 

[Locutus of Board]

Axman,

If I can do anything, just let me know. I mean it.

 

[db]

Axman--what Isla and some of the others said is good advice.
Stay in contact.
You are now--and *always*--their father! They need you, even if it doesn't seem that way *sometimes*. Hang in there like the good dad I can tell you are--they and you deserve it.