My honeymoon lessons learned

[SagaLore]

Its sounds to me her vomitting episode was her realizing she made a mistake. She probably didn't have sex with you for the next 5 years because she didn't think she really loved you, or wasn't sexually attracted to you.

I'm sorry it happened that way.

 

[GasX]

Originally posted by: QED
If you don't have a long reception, you don't need a lot of alcohol.

It warms the cockles of my heart to know there are lots of people out there who seem to think a wedding reception is a nice time and place to recapture the spirit of frat party days.

Maybe on your wedding night you'd like to be partying with your Aunt Hilda who is so smashed she doesn't notice her blouse is around her waist. Me? I'd rather be alone with my bride, thank you very much.

Alcohol is more important to a wedding reception than wedding cake.

I went to a reception where the teetotalling father of the bride didn't want the guests drinking too much (specifically his future son-in-law's friend). His solution was to not serve beer and to serve unlimited wine. The result was the "kids" brought a keg to the wedding and the inexperienced drinkers (i.e father in law's friends) got obliterated. classic.

A wedding without some sort of alcohol related "incident" is not a wedding worth attending.

 

[JEDI]

"2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson. "

Explain pls

 

[UTmtnbiker]

Originally posted by: purbeast0

Originally posted by: QED

Originally posted by: purbeast0
wow after reading this whole thread it seems like there are a lot of tools posting in here.

a reception till 11pm is late? a reception without alcohol would be better times? no sex for 5 years, then you get promised you will have sex like rabbits afterwards, and then only 1 time a year?

wow i'm glad I don't know such boring tools like some of the people posting in this thread lol.

If you don't have a long reception, you don't need a lot of alcohol.

It warms the cockles of my heart to know there are lots of people out there who seem to think a wedding reception is a nice time and place to recapture the spirit of frat party days.

Maybe on your wedding night you'd like to be partying with your Aunt Hilda who is so smashed she doesn't notice her blouse is around her waist. Me? I'd rather be alone with my bride, thank you very much.

i dont understand why you think that drinking = everyone is wasted ...

get that through your head that's not the case. every wedding i've been to has had a crapload of alcohol and it's damn fun to drink with everyone and have a great time. it's much more fun than the times when I went to weddings before I was 21 and couldn't drink there.

having a long reception is a good thing. you get to spend a great time with all of your closest friends and new family celebrating the day that 2 familes became one. it's the perfect time to have a huge party. to think otherwise is just well ... boring.

+1

Keep in mind, a wedding is just a much an event for you and your bride as it is for friends, family, and the Vince Vaughn's/Owen Wilson's of the world to come and celebrate your marriage. Drinking, dancing, and music does not equal kegger, girls gone wild, and dollar bills flying everywhere.

We had an entire day even as we had a relatively large wedding party. Morning outdoor ceremony with a lunch in an arboretum. Everybody went their separate ways and then dinner at 6pm at a local restaurant where we rented out the entire bottom floor along with dancing out on the patio by the river.

There were definately some memorable moments. One guest passed out (father of one of my groomsman) due to taking medication on an empty stomach and then having a glass of wine. When the call went out for a doctor in the house, about 10 guests stood up including one of my other groomsman (my cousin). Nice having a lot of white collar professionals at a party. Next call was for the lawyers, and about 3 stood up.

After about 11pm, the wife and I were exhausted. We'd been running around all day, saying hello to everybody and being good hosts, making sure everybody had a good time. We begged the restaurant to turn off the dancing music so everybody would leave and we could go home. That night, not so exciting. Went straight to bed. I dont' think the either of us was disappointed (not to mention, we'd been living together for about a year, so it wasn't like we were denying ourselves).

We went on a mini-honeymoon 3 days later as I was going to be starting grad school the following week. Went to Tahoe for 5 days, relaxed, relaxed, relaxed. We had planned and paid for the entire wedding ourselves and were exhausted. That first day in Tahoe, I think we slept like 14 hours. Of course, the pay off is coming next month after 2 years of marriage. Finally graduated, taking the wife on a 2 week trip to Paris and then she is going to Asia with my family in December.

Things are going swimmingly for us. Wife started a business this year, and it's really starting to take off. I think in about 2 years I'll be working for her. I'm done with grad school, getting (fingers crossed) a new position within my company in the next couple of weeks. So far, married life is a :thumbsup: for me.

 

[TheShiz]

how could you date that woman for 5 years and not know those things about her?

 

[randomlinh]

Originally posted by: TheShiz
how could you date that woman for 5 years and not know those things about her?

people do 180's when they get married. maybe since she was so religious, they never really lived together. blind love.

 

[QED]

Originally posted by: randomlinh

Originally posted by: TheShiz
how could you date that woman for 5 years and not know those things about her?

people do 180's when they get married. maybe since she was so religious, they never really lived together. blind love.

It has nothing to do with living together. One of the truer adages I've heard is:

"Women marry men expecting them to change, but they don't. Men marry women expecting them not to change, but they do."

 

[andylawcc]

this thread is archive under "Must Read Before Marriage" folder.


thanks for the info guys.... good and bad stories alike.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: JEDI
"2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson. "

Explain pls

I'm not sure which of those two sentences you want explained. So I'll try to explain both.

1) You really need to know if you are sexually compatible before making a lifelong committment. Being incompatible intimately is one of the biggest causes of infidelity and divorce. Love includes many things, and intimacy is one of them; in fact intimacy is a significant part of love. Unless you have experienced all parts of love, you really don't know if you love the person. I now know that you need to really find out if you are compatible in all areas before marriage.

I waited all along assuming we would be compatible. I was wrong. Our marriage never did fully recover from that horrible realization on the honeymoon. I'm just not a strong enough man to have a relationship without intimacy. I wouldn't have married her if I had known this piece of information. I would have been saved years of frustration and lots of money.

And you'll never know until you try it. I was under the false impression that she didn't want sex because of religion. Instead, she didn't want sex with me.

2) Don't ruin the ending for me, as I have only seen the first 3 seasons of Sex and the City. However, in the 3rd season a major recurring plotline is about Charlotte and this very same problem. She dates a man, tries to be a good girl, and doesn't have sex during their dating. The night before the wedding, someone mentions the idea that you really need to test drive the vehicle before buying it. So the night before the wedding, she tries to have sex. He can't get it up. On the wedding day, she nearly doesn't go through with the wedding. Months later and he still can't get it up. Counselling isn't helping. She is very frustrated, arguments ensue, friendships are strained and even lost, etc. All because she made the committment before knowing she had a lemon. Now, since I haven't seen the last few seasons of the show, so maybe it works out for them. But so far, it is just a different take on my same mistake.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: JEDI
"2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson. "

Explain pls

I'm not sure which of those two sentences you want explained. So I'll try to explain both.

1) You really need to know if you are sexually compatible before making a lifelong committment. Being incompatible intimately is one of the biggest causes of infidelity and divorce. Love includes many things, and intimacy is one of them; in fact intimacy is a significant part of love. Unless you have experienced all parts of love, you really don't know if you love the person. I now know that you need to really find out if you are compatible in all areas before marriage.

I waited all along assuming we would be compatible. I was wrong. Our marriage never did fully recover from that horrible realization on the honeymoon. I'm just not a strong enough man to have a relationship without intimacy. I wouldn't have married her if I had known this piece of information. I would have been saved years of frustration and lots of money.

And you'll never know until you try it. I was under the false impression that she didn't want sex because of religion. Instead, she didn't want sex with me.

2) Don't ruin the ending for me, as I have only seen the first 3 seasons of Sex and the City. However, in the 3rd season a major recurring plotline is about Charlotte and this very same problem. She dates a man, tries to be a good girl, and doesn't have sex during their dating. The night before the wedding, someone mentions the idea that you really need to test drive the vehicle before buying it. So the night before the wedding, she tries to have sex. He can't get it up. On the wedding day, she nearly doesn't go through with the wedding. Months later and he still can't get it up. Counselling isn't helping. She is very frustrated, arguments ensue, friendships are strained and even lost, etc. All because she made the committment before knowing she had a lemon. Now, since I haven't seen the last few seasons of the show, so maybe it works out for them. But so far, it is just a different take on my same mistake.

In regards to sex and the city... keep watching! it gets even better!

 

[JulesMaximus]

I've been for married 14 years...had sex last night!

We spent our first night married in a hotel not far from where the wedding took place and flew to Cancun the next afternoon for a week. It was very relaxing and we had a great time. Did some sightseeing, some partying, had some sex, laid around by the pool and spent a lot of time in the water.

Sounds like you married the wrong woman. Good luck with the next one!

 

[lokiju]

Wow, I'm getting married in October and if this sort of crap happens (180) I'll be soooo f'ing let down!

But the sex is already great so that's a plus

:crosses fingers;

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: randomlinh
people do 180's when they get married. maybe since she was so religious, they never really lived together. blind love.

Yep. I used to believe living together before marriage was a bad idea. Now I know that living together before marriage for a year or more is a bad idea, however, not living together at all is equally as bad. Studies tend prove this idea.

Originally posted by: QED
It has nothing to do with living together. One of the truer adages I've heard is:

"Women marry men expecting them to change, but they don't. Men marry women expecting them not to change, but they do."

That adage fits my old relationship perfectly. During the last year of my marriage I kept asking her why she is so distant (this was before I realized she was cheating). She could only come up with one real reason: I didn't change enough over the years, I was still the same as the day we met. I felt that was a wonderful quality of myself, that I'm still the person she fell in love with. But I was wrong.

I on the other hand, hoped she would be like the way she was when we were dating. Everything was wonderful then (well except the no sex part). But nope, she had to end all of that and become completely different in all the wrong ways.

 

[yobarman]

Wow some of the replies in this thread are hilarious. I agree with the fact that you should have sex before marriage. Many times. I mean it makes no sense when the person you are going to marry is going to be the only person you have sex with for the rest of your life, so you might as well know if you'll like it right?

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: dullard

That adage fits my old relationship perfectly. During the last year of my marriage I kept asking her why she is so distant (this was before I realized she was cheating). She could only come up with one real reason: I didn't change enough over the years, I was still the same as the day we met. I felt that was a wonderful quality of myself, that I'm still the person she fell in love with. But I was wrong.

I on the other hand, hoped she would be like the way she was when we were dating. Everything was wonderful then (well except the no sex part). But nope, she had to end all of that and become completely different in all the wrong ways.[/quote]

Yep. It's like they completely change after marriage.

Into somebody you never really knew.

 

[Mill]

Your ex-wife sounds like a bitch, but you sound like you have a poor sense of someone's character.

 

[funboy6942]

WOW only been married a few hours and the sex was over for you. That has to be a record.
We have been married for 6 years and havent been on our honeymoon. Maybe thats what kills it for some. The honeymoon clinches the actual marrage and the legs shut. Guess I wont be going on one anytime soon

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
In regards to sex and the city... keep watching! it gets even better!

That is something the new GF and I like to do together. She has every season on DVD. About once a week we watch another episode or two. She has seen all the episodes, but I hadn't seen any of them. We are slowly working our way through and it provides many fun discussions and/or activity ideas.

It is so refressing to now be in a relationship where the woman allows the man to see porn (such as Sex and the City). My ex would be furious if I had seen that show while we were together. If I remember correctly, you are ok with your significant other watching those things, Lola. Or am I confusing you with another woman ATOT poster?

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: Mill
Your ex-wife sounds like a bitch, but you sound like you have a poor sense of someone's character.

I would have to agree on both counts. I was completely blinded by all the other great things during the dating period. I truely thought I was the happiest person alive and that we'd be celebrating our 75th wedding anniversary.

 

[purbeast0]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
In regards to sex and the city... keep watching! it gets even better!

That is something the new GF and I like to do together. She has every season on DVD. About once a week we watch another episode or two. She has seen all the episodes, but I hadn't seen any of them. We are slowly working our way through and it provides many fun discussions and/or activity ideas.

It is so refressing to now be in a relationship where the woman allows the man to see porn (such as Sex and the City). My ex would be furious if I had seen that show while we were together. If I remember correctly, you are ok with your significant other watching those things, Lola. Or am I confusing you with another woman ATOT poster?

umm ... WTF?!?!?

i hate to break it to you pal but Sex and the City is far from porn. wow your 5 year gf really sheltered your ass, i feel sorry for you but you do sound like a tool. you got trampled all over by her.

and watch real porn WITH your gf ... not just tv shows from HBO. it's a lot of fun to watch hardcore porn with your girl and get ideas.

 

[hysperion]

Originally posted by: purbeast0

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
In regards to sex and the city... keep watching! it gets even better!

That is something the new GF and I like to do together. She has every season on DVD. About once a week we watch another episode or two. She has seen all the episodes, but I hadn't seen any of them. We are slowly working our way through and it provides many fun discussions and/or activity ideas.

It is so refressing to now be in a relationship where the woman allows the man to see porn (such as Sex and the City). My ex would be furious if I had seen that show while we were together. If I remember correctly, you are ok with your significant other watching those things, Lola. Or am I confusing you with another woman ATOT poster?

umm ... WTF?!?!?

i hate to break it to you pal but Sex and the City is far from porn. wow your 5 year gf really sheltered your ass, i feel sorry for you but you do sound like a tool. you got trampled all over by her.

and watch real porn WITH your gf ... not just tv shows from HBO. it's a lot of fun to watch hardcore porn with your girl and get ideas.

hmmm sex and the city has porn? I must have missed that episode.....

 

[maddogchen]

i hate the test drive a car before buying it thing...

anyway so Dullard. If you had had sex with your first wife before marriage and found that she wasn't very sexual and didn't have the same sex drive as you did, looking back at what you were feeling about her then, would you not have married her?

sorry you had a bad honeymoon and married the wrong woman.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: maddogchen
If you had had sex with your first wife before marriage and found that she wasn't very sexual and didn't have the same sex drive as you did, looking back at what you were feeling about her then, would you not have married her?

If I knew it would be this bad, then yes I would not have married her.

There was one period during our dating where we broke up, so she could find herself (ie date another guy). But we patched it back together, and things were great for a couple more years before the wedding. I too realize that was a lesson learned.

But two signs together would have ended it.

 

[phantom309]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: JEDI
"2) Anyone who waits 5 years of dating without sex until marriage is an idiot. If you have watched Sex and the City, you already know this lesson. "

Explain pls

I'm not sure which of those two sentences you want explained. So I'll try to explain both.

...........

I waited all along assuming we would be compatible. I was wrong. Our marriage never did fully recover from that horrible realization on the honeymoon. I'm just not a strong enough man to have a relationship without intimacy. I wouldn't have married her if I had known this piece of information. I would have been saved years of frustration and lots of money.

And you'll never know until you try it. I was under the false impression that she didn't want sex because of religion. Instead, she didn't want sex with me.

She wouldn't have sex with you, wouldn't allow you to watch "porn" like Sex and the City...and she was CHEATING ON YOU????

And here you are years later blaming yourself for not being strong enough to stay married to that controlling little psycho?

No offense, but in addition to your new life and new girlfriend I really hope you're in therapy. There's no excuse for letting anyone treat you like that, ever.

 

[purbeast0]

i almost wanna call shens on this whole thread because it just sounds so sad and pathetic